I stand with my back against the door for a long moment after it closes.

Listening.

Waiting to hear if Bael will knock again, if he’ll push, if he’ll try to force this conversation past the boundary I just set.

But there’s nothing, just silence.

Then footsteps retreating down the hallway.

Away. 𝘧𝑟𝑒𝑒𝘸𝘦𝘣𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝓁.𝘤𝘰𝓂

I exhale slowly and move away from the door.

My hands are shaking slightly.

I press them against my stomach, feeling the bump, feeling the baby move in response to my elevated heart rate.

Nothing happened.

That’s what he said.

Three days of silence, three days of me convinced he slept with Xue Lian, three days of falling apart trying to reconcile what I thought was happening with what I wanted to be true.

And now he shows up at my door past midnight to tell me nothing happened.

Like that fixes it, like those two words erase everything else. I sit on the edge of the bed, still trying to process.

He went to Xue Lian’s apartment, he admitted that much, let Xue Lian initiate contact, whatever that means, stopped it before anything happened.

As if stopping partway through is supposed to make me feel better, as if the intention doesn’t matter, only the outcome.

I close my eyes.

Try to organize my thoughts into something coherent.

Bael went to see Xue Lian knowing what that meant, knowing where it would lead.

And he only stopped because... what?

He didn’t say why, just that nothing happened, just that he left.

But he went there in the first place.

That’s the part that won’t stop circling in my head. He chose to go, chose to be with Xue Lian instead of coming home.

And the fact that nothing happened doesn’t erase the choice, doesn’t erase the fact that I spent all day waiting to tell him about placing second, excited and nervous and stupid enough to think he’d want to hear it first.

While he was at Xue Lian’s apartment, letting things progress far enough that the scent transferred, far enough that I could smell it the moment he walked through the door.

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling.

It doesn’t matter anymore.

I said that to him and I meant it, not because I’m over it, not because his explanation fixed anything.

But because caring is destroying me and I can’t keep doing this, can’t keep waiting for him to choose me when he’s made it clear I’m not what he wants.

He went to Xue Lian.

That’s the choice that matters.

Everything after that is just damage control.

My phone is on the nightstand, I reach for it without thinking, open the email app, stare at the results notification that’s still sitting there.

Second Place: Li Runze

The accomplishment that should have been exciting, that should have been something I celebrated.

That got completely overshadowed by the fact that Bael was with someone else while I was sitting here wanting to share it with him.

The timing is almost funny.

Almost.

I close the email and set the phone down.

Monday is in two days.

The first working session where I meet Elliot Jun, where we start the actual collaboration.

Two days to pull myself together enough to be professional, two days to stop thinking about Bael and Xue Lian and everything that’s falling apart.

I need to sleep.

Tomorrow is... Saturday. Just another day, no sessions, no obligations, just me and the locked door and the quiet house.

I lie back on the bed and close my eyes, open them again thirty seconds later.

The ceiling hasn’t changed.

My brain won’t shut off.

I turn onto my side, pull the covers up, try again.

Nothing.

Just the same loop of thoughts, the replay of Bael standing in the hallway saying "nothing happened" like it’s that simple.

I sit up.

This is pointless.

I’m not going to sleep like this, exhausted as I am, my mind won’t cooperate.

I get out of bed and head to the bathroom.

I already showered earlier, already went through the entire routine, but maybe the hot water will help. Maybe it’ll relax me enough to actually rest.

I turn on the faucet, let the tub fill while I undress.

The water is almost too hot when I step in, the kind of heat that makes my skin prickle, but I sink down anyway, and let it cover me up to my shoulders.

I rest my hand on my stomach, feeling the baby shift slightly.

In five more months there will be a whole person who needs me to have my life together, who needs stability and security and a parent who isn’t falling apart over things they can’t control.

I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the edge of the tub, the hot water helps, marginally. Makes my muscles relax even if my thoughts don’t.

I stay there until the water starts cooling.

Until my fingers are pruned and the heat has leached out and I’m just sitting in lukewarm water accomplishing nothing.

Then I get out, dry off, pull on clean clothes, back to bed, and lie down.

Stare at the ceiling again.

I still can’t sleep.

I grab my phone from the nightstand, open the reading app I haven’t touched in weeks, scroll through my library until I find something I started months ago and never finished.

Some fantasy novel about a mage academy, completely removed from reality.

Exactly what I need.

I start reading, make it through maybe three pages before realizing I haven’t absorbed a single word, I’ve just been staring at sentences without processing them.

My mind keeps drifting back to Bael standing in the hallway, to "nothing happened." To the three days of silence before that, to the way he looked when he said my name at dinner, to the fact that he’s in our bedroom right now, probably sleeping fine, while I’m here unable to shut my brain off.

I close the reading app and open a mobile game instead.

Something mindless. Match-three puzzles that require zero thought, just patterns and colors and the satisfying sound of things connecting.

I play for... I don’t know how long. Long enough that my phone battery drops to fifteen percent, long enough that my eyes start burning from staring at the screen, long enough that when I finally set it down, the room has gotten lighter.

Not bright, just... less dark.

Early morning.

Four-thirty, maybe five.

I never fell asleep, I just killed hours playing a stupid game while my mind circled the same thoughts on repeat.

I set my phone on the nightstand and turn onto my side.

Pull the covers up, close my eyes, and finally, finally, exhaustion wins.

I drift off somewhere around five-fifteen.

The kind of unconsciousness that comes when your body gives up waiting for your brain to cooperate.

And when I wake up three hours later to sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains, I feel worse than I did before I slept.