Chapter 554: I didn’t want to ask the question

Sam and Byron left shortly after that, and Cass didn’t bring up what Gideon said either. Everyone needed some time to mull over the discovery they had. Plus, Cass didn’t want to speak too long without Edgar.

The man was already going to be pissed that he had missed this moment when he woke up the next day.

Gideon was also quiet, keeping to himself as they set about going back to sleep. He didn’t say anything more to Cass, his eyes unfocused, as if he was focusing on something else. Cass couldn’t blame him. Cass was lost in his own thoughts as well.

It was a miracle that Cass was even able to get back to sleep.

~

When Cass woke up again, it was to find that more time had passed then he was aware. The sun behind the curtain wasn’t teasing, but instead bright and washed over him on the bed. Edgar and Gideon were gone, Gideon probably leaving far earlier to get his work out in.

Cass was worried that he had been intentionally neglected, only to hear movement in the bathroom and the sound of running water. Edgar stepped out of the bathroom shortly after, his expression brightening when he saw that Cass was awake.

"I didn’t wake you when I got up, did I?" He asked and Cass slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position, shaking his head.

"I don’t think so." Cass muttered, covering his mouth as he yawned. "Do you know what time it is?" Cass asked as Edgar came over. He sat down on the edge of the bed, all smiles.

"Not too early in the day. Still before noon. Did Sam and Byron stop by last night or are they still out on your mission?" Edgar asked. His handsome face was open, willing and ready to hear Cass’ words. Cass winced at the open expression on his face.

"We tried to wake you up, but you wouldn’t budge." Cass started, and Edgar’s expression drew together. He did look a little upset, turning his head away to stare at the nightstand for a moment. He then sighed, like a forlorn lover before he turned a slightly bitter smile towards him.

"I bet it was Gideon too. Well, that’s on me then. I won’t be too upset with you about that." Edgar muttered, smiling at his own foolish behaviour. "So they did stop by? What did they find out?" Edgar asked.

Cass filled Edgar in on everything that he missed the other night, including what Gideon had said before they had gone to sleep. Edgar listened, taking in Cass’ words and the voiced concerns that he had over what Sam and Byron had done. Edgar even placed his hand on Cass’ thigh in support.

When Cass was finished speaking, Edgar gave Cass’ thigh a squeeze.

"I do agree with him. The simple conclusion is that you don’t die, Cass. If she was able to kill herself to get out of the contract and put the weight of it on your shoulders, that means that until we find out everything connected to that contract, and after, you can’t die." Edgar told him seriously. "Obviously, that is related to the deal you made with the gods. How is...um, he doing with this information?" Edgar asked carefully.

Cass, who had been caught up in all of his own anxiety and worries, had forgotten somehow that Edgar knew. Edgar knew everything, or as much as Cass could tell. Cass blinked, before he dropped his head, his throat growing tight.

Yeah, he had been able to tell Taniora everything, but it wasn’t as if he had been completely alone before that. Cass just had...a lot on his shoulders.

Cass turned his gaze inward, trying to see, sense, feel Cassian. He normally didn’t have to search that hard, normally he didn’t have to go looking for him but as the seconds ticked on and Cass couldn’t feel a single trace of Cassian, Cass felt his spine stiffen and his heart drop.

"I...I don’t know." Cass muttered, panic beginning to set in. He snapped his head up, meeting Edgar’s gaze with a panic that was not so slowly swallowing him. "I don’t know. I can’t sense him." Cass told him. Edgar’s eyes widened, his second hand reaching for Cass and placing his hand on his shoulder. The tight grip he had grounded Cass for a moment.

"Don’t panic yet. Maybe he’s just gone to talk to the gods. He could be doing that, right?" Edgar suggested and Cass found himself nodding even as his chest tightened. Cass had brushed it off, said it was nothing before now, but right when he wanted to confirm that everything was okay with Cassian, he couldn’t speak to him.

Cass felt like he was going to hyperventilate.

Edgar, sensing that Cass wasn’t doing well, pulled him in closer, hugging him tightly.

"Do you want to go see if you can speak to the gods? Maybe they have an idea of what is going on." Edgar whispered, his concern wrapping around Cass and squeezing him tightly. Cass swallowed, his eyes growing damp as panic tried to choke him.

"B-But they’re busy trying to get me my time with my sister." Cass whispered. "Oh no. This is-I don’t-" Cass was going to start freaking out. Edgar pulled back slightly, pressing his forehead against Cass’, pressing in close.

"Listen to my voice. Follow my instructions. Breathe in, breathe out. Just listen to my voice." Edgar’s voice was calm, collected, and the soothing force that Cass needed at the moment.

It took several long moments, Cass’ mind feeling like damn static as he tried to calm himself down, but Edgar’s soothing voice was what truly did the work. When Cass was finally calm enough that he could breathe on his own, Edgar pressed a soft kiss to each cheek.

"It’s not like he’s completely gone. He wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye." Edgar told him and Cass swallowed. He had reached out to Edgar, gripped onto his nightshirt, his hand fisted in the fabric there like a child.

"It’s his body." Cass whispered, broken. "I can’t kick him out." Edgar stared at Cass, watching him.

"I know." Edgar replied. Cass swallowed, his breath still shaky, but not going so light and breathy that he went into another panic attack.

"I didn’t check in with him before now." Cass whispered, swallowing. "I don’t know how long I haven’t been able to sense him. The connection is always weak in dungeons. I didn’t hear him at all, so I didn’t think anything of it." Cass was still panicking, but Edgar’s arms on him, his gentle breath and his body heat was keeping him grounded.

"Do you think the nursery tree could help if you don’t want to go to the gods? Could they check?" Edgar asked and Cass blinked. Cass hadn’t considered it, but there was a chance that they would be able to give Cass a hint as to what was going on.

Cass blinked, sniffing and stared at Edgar. Edgar smiled at him. He squeezed Cass.

"But what if it interrupts what they are doing for Ailia?" Cass asked and Edgar huffed.

"They would never consider you a burden, Cass. They risked their life to keep you alive. Plus, you aren’t asking them to do anything outside of their means, are you? Just a simple question." Edgar’s words were soft, warm, and convincing.

"Should I get dressed?" Cass asked and Edgar squeezed him.

"You’re too worked up, bunny. Let’s go like this. I’m sure the staff will forgive us given how distraught you look." Cass nodded numbly, holding onto Edgar as he spoke.

Edgar was the one who got him out of the bed, his legs shaky like a newborn as the shock of the situation, the potential situation that could be at his hands, washed over him. It wasn’t as if Edgar wasn’t also concerned, but he needed to be strong in the face of the violent reaction that Cass was having.

He helped Cass down the stairs, Sam and Byron joining at the second flight as if Sam was able to sense that something wasn’t quite right with Cass from afar. Sam looked shocked, clearly worried but Edgar just told the joiners that they needed to get to the nursery tree.

Sam was much better at handling things when he had instructions.

~

Cass didn’t remember how he got to the nursery tree. Everything from the stairs down, to running into Byron and Sam was a blur. He knew that he’d run into others, was sure that Gideon had joined them at some point, but things only came into focus when he found himself standing in front of the nursery tree.

Byron was at his side instead of Edgar. Byron’s hand on the middle of Cass’ back was firm, supportive as Cass felt tears begin to run down his face. The nursery tree, knowing that something was wrong, reached for Cass.

Cass reached for them back, and Byron watched as Cass and the nursery tree merged, becoming one. Cass was sobbing into the nursery tree, taking comfort from the mother figure he never knew he’d had and the tree welcomed him.

Cass asked his question, explained why he was so full of fear and pain and panic. The tree didn’t make fun of him for his worries, instead trying to help him, soothe him, and find the issue that was inside of him.

Cass had no idea how long they were connected, bonded as Cass sobbed, feeling like a lost child. It felt like Cass was losing someone close to him all over again, and he didn’t like it. He’d already been unable to mourn the loss of never seeing his sister again, how would he be able to mourn the loss of a man that not many others considered a good person?

Cass didn’t even like to consider that either. The man wasn’t gone. He wasn’t lost. He was just with the gods, like Edgar suggested.

However, the news that the nursery tree came back wasn’t exactly good.

The image that was burned into Cass’ mind from the nursery tree stung. It did nothing to soothe Cass’ worries, much to the nursery tree’s own worry.

A frayed rope. Barely holding on.

That was what the nursery tree told Cass.

He wasn’t gone, but he wasn’t there, either.

Cass had no idea what to do. What he could do.

Cass stayed curled up in the nursery tree’s arms for a while longer, only emerging hours later when he needed to give Ailia some time with the nursery tree. Ailia was concerned, as were the other fairies. They knew that something was wrong, but only Aunt Alysora knew the depth of what could be wrong.

However, Cass was a hollow man. His red eyes were red-rimmed, his nose red as well from all the tears. He slowly wandered out of the warm, happy space around the nursery tree to collapse into the waiting arms of Edgar outside of the safe space.

Edgar and Gideon shared a look, knowing that something was deeply, deeply wrong.