Chapter 557: Don’t disturb me. I want to be here

Cass had no idea where he was. He was lost.

Everything felt cold, hollow. The darkness surrounded him, held him, comforted him. It told him that he didn’t need to think, didn’t need to worry.

He was safe here.

Safe from thoughts. Safe from harm. Nothing could get him here.

But something was bothering him. There was something nagging at the back of all of this warmth and darkness. He couldn’t place what it was, but it was disturbing him. It was trying to bring him out of this safe place. Out of this darkness that hid everything from him.

Cass didn’t like it. He was fighting against it, actually. It felt like tendrils were trying to wrap around him. Pull him out from the darkness, out from the safety and comfort.

Why did he need to get out? What was the fucking point? He was just a parasite, taking over someone else’s body and sapping the life out of them? If he was like this, he couldn’t hurt anyone. No one had to suffer.

The tendrils, however, were stubborn. Adamant. They didn’t give up. They kept pulling and pushing, not giving up as they wrapped around Cass’ arms and legs, not giving him a second to rest. He fought hard. Yanking, tearing and screaming into the darkness as they continued to pull at him.

Cass fought. He fought and kicked and screamed as hard as he could, but his body could only do that for so long. Eventually he grew tired and he could tell that they were winning. Cass wanted to snarl. He wanted to bite. He wanted to just be left the fuck alone!

Of course the tendrils didn’t listen. They pulled and pulled and pulled until the darkness wasn’t quite so dark. Light was seeping in from somewhere. The sound of something filled his ears. It was ragged, raspy.

It sounded like wind going through a partially opened window. Whistling and harsh, Cass had no idea where it was coming from. All he knew was that it was annoying. Cass just wanted this all to be over. He was a waste of space already, a disappointment to everyone around him. He didn’t need to be a burden to whoever was making that noise either.

"Cass?" It was a soft sound, a quiet one. A plea.

Cass knew the voice was familiar. It sounded masculine, but he couldn’t place it. It also sounded a lot closer than he was expecting. Nothing should be able to get to him in this space. No one should be able to get to him either.

He was hidden. Tucked away. Safe.

Then he was reminded of the damn tendrils that had pulled him out of the darkness as Cass wanted to sputter and hiss all over again.

"Cass. Can you hear me?" It was that voice again, drawing Cass’ attention away from his own thoughts and towards where he knew that voice from? It was complicated, and Cass could tell that he had a lot of emotions tied up to that voice. He just...couldn’t remember what they were.

"His eyes are twitching. Is he going to wake up?" It was another masculine voice. Again, familiar, but Cass couldn’t place it. Cass felt his nose twitch, his annoyance only growing. He wanted whatever was happening to stop and for everything and everyone to leave him alone.

The tendrils pulled harder, yanking Cass out so hard he swore he heard a pop.

Cass’ eyes shot open, his body jerking up into a sitting position as he gasped. He felt hands touch him, felt others hold him, help him sit up as he nearly collapsed back over. He had no strength in his body, none in his arms or legs.

He was shaking like a newborn foal, and as he looked around, he found that while he could see, he wasn’t comprehending anything that was happening around him. His mind wasn’t catching up to what was going on.

He was dazed, confused, and all he could see were four people around him, three of them with bright hair and the fourth with dark hair. One had blue hair, like a damn freak, and Cass wanted to scoff. He couldn’t though, because he realised that the one making all of that racket was him.

He was the one wheezing like he couldn’t breathe. Like he wasn’t able to get enough oxygen into his lungs.

"Sh. Sh. It’s okay. You’re okay. Just take deep breaths, Cass. We’ve got you." The one who was speaking was the blonde one, his blue eyes glowing in a completely unnatural way. He looked like a videogame character. Too handsome for his own good in a dangerous way. Cass felt his his heart twisted at that, the emotions inside of him that he had pressed down so that he couldn’t feel anything coming to the surface.

Cass began to choke, as if he was choking on the emotions themselves.

More hands appeared, stroking him, supporting him, giving him anything that he could need.

"Get him over to the altar." Someone spoke. "He needs it." Cass found that he was moving, his body shifting as the group moved him. Cass wasn’t sure what was going on, but before he had a full grasp on what was going on, it was like the lights got turned off.

The area around him was black was more. Dark. Warm. Cass didn’t realise that he could find the darkness warm, didn’t think he had found it warm before now either, but he could tell that the darkness that he was in now was different from the darkness he had been in before.

"Caspian Spencer. You are a fool for letting your emotions get the best of you. If you had gone even an inch deeper into the darkness then all of this work would have been for naught! Are you really so willing to throw away everything that you have worked towards over something that you didn’t even get an answer for? Hmm? We never considered you so weak." Cass had no idea who was speaking, nor any concept for where the voice was coming from.

It felt like it was coming from nowhere, and everywhere all at once.

A loud, annoyed sigh filled the air, washing over Cass, rustling his hair. Then a searing, unbearable pain hit the center of his forehead and Cass let out a cry of pain.

It was so harsh it brought tears to his eyes, while also traveling through his whole body. Cass was so overwhelmed by the pain that it took him a second to realise...he remembered where he was.

He wasn’t home. He wasn’t somewhere safe. He was speaking to...the gods.

"Why am I here?" Cass asked, his voice raspy. He could recall what had happened before now, but the pain was so potent, so at the front of his mind that he couldn’t care about anything else.

"We called you here because we have the answers you seek, but it appears you grew too scared to ask." Cass felt that response like a spear down his spine. A cool wind washed over him, and the pain disappeared and was replaced with one that felt slimy in its familiarity.

Cass couldn’t feel Cassian. That was what sent him down this path. Down this avenue of pain and rejection.

Cass was about to ask what had happened, to ask about Cassian, when the voice speaking for the gods spoke up. It took Cass a second to realise that this wasn’t the same voice of the first god who spoke, but a second.

"You are lucky that you are so important. How dare you make us waste so much effort on you only to threaten your very own life? Are you an idiot? You didn’t strike us as someone who would react the way that you did. Were you not aware of the situation you were in prior to this? You need to be aware of what is going on around you! Otherwise, terrible, unspeakable things could happen to you! You are lucky the chains worked." Cass had no idea what to say to that.

Chains? What chains?

Wait, were they talking about the tendrils? The things that had been tugging and pulling at him, dragging him out of the darkness? Had those not been tendrils of something living like a plant or something, and instead had been the chains the gods had used to hold him the first time when he had come to this space?

Cass felt the information filter into his mind but he struggled to hold onto it. He felt shaky, shivery. He knew he wasn’t himself. Knew that he had messed up, but he didn’t understand why they were yelling at him. Wasn’t it normal to spiral like this when someone you cared about was injured? Potentially killed? Especially when you were the one responsible?

Fuck, Cass had been an ass to think that he shouldn’t have told Lucian about this before. He’d also been an ass when it came to how he told him. To hold it against the man when he had just cared about Cassian the whole time. Cass needed to apologise to him for that.

"Where is Cassian?" Cass asked, his voice shaky, his body feeling hollow.

The silence hung between them. Thick, pregnant with words that he could feel the gods wanted to say, but held back.

"Caspian, we warned you that some of your actions could have side effects." It was a soft murmur, meant to be gentle. Meant to be kind.

Cass could feel a small, painful keening come from somewhere deep inside of him.

"You didn’t say that it would kill him!" Cass shouted, rage and grief filling him. "The nursery tree said that he was barely hanging on, and yet you let me do it? When it could hurt him? Why didn’t you explain that to me properly? I wouldn’t have done it if I knew that!" Cass knew he was blaming them, knew that it wasn’t necessarily their fault. There is a chance that they didn’t know what would happen.

Cass didn’t think that this was a common thing for them. At least, not dealing with someone like Cass. He was sure that they had summoned others before him to deal with this situation before now. They had hinted at it before.

"We apologise." The gods said, and Cass wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh. They apologised? That only made it clear to Cass that they had no idea what their actions would mean for poor Cassian.

"This isn’t fair to him! This is his body! His life! I’m just-I’m just a parasite here!" Cass shouted. "I don’t even fucking belong here!" Cass was inconsolable, but it appeared that the gods were fed up with his behaviour.

"This was the deal, Caspian. You made it. You agreed. Cassian knew the risks. He knew what was more important, and so should you. We’re working on your end of the deal, we’ve done everything you’ve asked. We’ve even humoured your attempts to get back at us, but not anymore. We are gods, Caspian. We rule this world. We don’t have to try to keep this world alive, but we are. You agreed to help, and so did Cassian. So what if this is a side effect? You knew the dangers, and yet you still pushed forward. Don’t you dare push your anger towards us. Justified or otherwise, we warned you. We told you there would be risks. You made the choice."

Cass had nothing to say to that, but the tears fell. Sad, silent, full of everything that Cass had been feeling.

The choice wasn’t worth it if it cost someone else’s life.