Avariel and Ffyr sat down far enough for Nanael not to react to the angel’s aura.

"What do we do now?" Ffyr pondered out loud.

"Sorry." Avariel apologised to Matthew and Ffyr. "I was sure she would be ready to go by now."

"Don’t worry. We’ll find a way." Ffyr consoled the angel.

"We should get some sleep." Matthew said. "We’ve been awake for days."

As Violentia was perpetually illuminated by several small suns, it was impossible to discern when a day had passed. But their tiredness could still be felt. 𝒻𝑟𝘦𝘦𝘸ℯ𝒷𝑛𝘰𝓋ℯ𝘭.𝘤𝘰𝘮

Avariel and Ffyr agreed and, using materials they salvaged from the St. Helen’s hospital debris that Matthew stored in his Inventory, they made a small tent for the three of them.

Avariel slept first and then Ffyr. Matthew could rely on his Sixth Sense to warn him about danger, therefore, they didn’t need a guard.

Even though it was unnecessary, Mathew didn’t sleep with the others.

He walked back to Nanael and cleaned her face from the blood with a rag.

"I don’t get it. You can go to heaven right now, but you are too afraid of it." He said to himself out loud not expecting an answer.

"I know." The tree responded to him opening her eyes and looking at him.

Matthew was taken aback for a while. But she was a Damnata, it made sense she kept her intellect even in that state.

"That was your sister." Matthew said after his surprise faded.

""Ava?" Nanael seemed to reminisce about their time together. "She came for me?"

"She did. She’s still here. Want me to wake her up?" Matthew pointed to the tent behind him.

"No." Nanael whispered.

"Why not? Don’t you want to go home?" Matthew asked.

"I do. But home doesn’t exist anymore." She answered in a sad tone.

"Elysium is still there." Matthew was confused.

"There’s not home. That’s where I’m from. Home was on Earth with Marc." Nanael’s voice was nostalgic.

Matthew didn’t comment on that. He thought to himself that if he could go back to Earth, but his family or Faralynn weren’t there, he would hardly call it home.

"Will you listen to my story?"

Matthew sat down by Nanael’s trunk.

"Yeah. I will."

"You know I used to be an angel. I was a guardian angel. We are the ones that travel to the Prime when our lord commands. We are the ones who answer the calls of your Santeros." Nanael explained.

Matthew thought about questioning why they weren’t there when Beleth invaded Earth, but he decided to keep his bitterness to himself. Nanael was there for 70 years now, she wouldn’t know anything about it.

"Marc was one of them. A Santero. I still remember the first time he summoned me." She smiled. "He was in a dungeon fighting a dragon with his party. But when I descended from heaven to aid him, he forgot about the battle as his friends." Nanael chuckled. "He looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered. He looked so cute."

Faralynn’s picture came to Matthew’s mind. Would she remember him with the same fondness? Where was she right now? The last time they talked was 4 months ago, always with the aid of a Somniomancer.

"He kept calling me after that. Always me. And I kept coming." Nanael continued. "When he started to call me to help him with the minor inconveniences, I confronted him. I was stern. I said I was busy and didn’t have the time to help him all the time." She laughed. "A lie. I had nothing better to do. And then he confessed his love for me."

"And then you got together?" Matthew asked.

"No. I slapped him. You might’ve noticed with my sister, but we angels consider ourselves pure and above all other creations. We are the closest to him, after all." Nanatel’s eyes searched for her sister’s light behind the tent’s white sheets. "Another lie." She added.

"You slapped him?"

"Of course I did. How dared he believe I would ever be with a lesser being?" Nanael feigned outrage. "How silly I was." She added remorsefully.

"And how did you two end up together?" Matthew asked.

"He stopped calling me. And with time I started to miss him. And eventually I realised I too was in love. Soon I heard he was calling another angel, Gael. So, one day, when he called for Gael, I came down instead. I was so silly. At first I was mad that Marc was not calling me anymore. I was jealous of Gael. But Marc saw right through me. I can still feel his hands holding mine. How he held me even while I screamed at him. We got together that day. We made a pact and I started to live with him."

"But Avariel said you gave up your divinity." Matthew questioned.

"That came later. When Marc got older and retired from adventuring. Angels are not spirits, our lives are not tied to our master when we make a pact. I could unmake the pact at any time." Nanael explained. "But being with him. Be able to give him children. Make a family. For that not only did I need to break the pact, but I also needed to become human." She added.

"Our lord gave us angels that faculty. If we want to live freely from his will like humans do, we need only to cast aside our wings." Nanael continued. "To be able to live as I pleased with the man I loved... It seemed such a small price to pay."

"Do you regret it?" Matthew asked.

"Casting away my wings?

"Yes."

"I... Don’t know." Nanael searched her feelings.

"Were you not happy after that?"

"I was. It was the happiest time in my life." Nanael smiled. "But then..."

Tears of blood flooded her eyes, but she didn’t cry out loud. She just let the tears roll down her bark.

"How did he die?" Matthew asked.

"A stupid thing really. Cancer. We ignored the signs for too long. When it became apparent, there was no time to bring in a healer." Nanael lamented. "He was gone before anyone could help."

"And after that?"

"I was alone. I had no one. I did not give him children. I had no family. Nothing." Nanael sniffed.

"Why did you take your life?" Matthew asked, getting up and looking her in her eyes.

Nanel didn’t answer.

"You knew you could find him in the afterlife. Didn’t you? Even if he wasn’t in Elysium or in another heaven. Even if he was in hell. You could find him after your own death, could you not?" Matthew interpelled her again.

"I could." She agreed.

"Then why kill yourself?" Matthew questioned her with a serious tone.

Nanael didn’t answer.

"Why do you fear the holy light? What is it about salvation that scares you?" Matthew changed his questioning.

"I’m not ready." Nanael’s voice was unsure of her question.

"No. That’s the angel in you saying. Tell me what YOU feel. Not what the heavens told you the Damnata feel." Matthew was incisive.

"I..." Nanael bit her lips.

"You are scared you don’t deserve it, isn’t it?"

Nanael kept silent.

"It’s the same with me, you know?" Matthew looked down. "I could have left Violentia a long time ago. But I’m scared of leaving this place. Part of me believes I deserve this." He added.

Nanael was still silent.

"Why did you kill yourself?" Matthew asked again. "Why did you want to punish yourself?"

"Marc was ok with not having children. He said he was happy enough just having me by his side." Nanael finally broke her silence. "It was me who wanted to make a family. To have his children. It was my selfishness that made me give up my divinity. If I still had it when he got sick... If I paid more attention to him. I was just so happy living alongside him. Living as equals." Nanael now cried loudly.

"You blame yourself for his death." Matthew said. "You came here to punish yourself. You fear salvation because you believe you don’t deserve it.

Nanael just cried, but it was obvious she agreed.

"I could say not to blame yourself." Matthew chuckled. "It would be hypocritical of me. I killed in anger. Twice. I failed to protect my friends. I allowed the demonic mana to take over my soul. I let my family down. I know that I shouldn’t feel like this. I was justified in everything. Or at least that is what everyone told me. But I still feel responsible. I still feel I could’ve done better.

Nanael looked at him through her tears.

"What I mean to say is that you punished yourself enough. It’s been 70 years already. You couldn’t have seen it coming. You don’t deserve being here. You don’t deserve this." Matthew washed her bloody tears again.

Nanael kept crying.

"And perhaps, I don’t deserve it as well." He said to himself.