Anning’s pov

I stopped breathing for half a second but after, I felt nothing.

Or rather, I did feel something. It was just that it wasn’t that feeling of longing but rather one of disappointment and maybe betrayed.

For nine months, I had been here scrubbing floors and doing laundry, getting insulted by her little fan girls.

But here she was, riding around with her fianceè, playing soldier or whatever imperial game they were involved in.

She brought me here, made me freaking feel something for her and then she left me to fend for myself. She even ordered them at first not to let me leave but she was free to live her life elsewhere.

Typical.

I waited for that usual ache the longing or for my heart to skip a beat. Neither of them came.

I only felt a small sense of peace. She had made her choice.

I had made mine and learned to survive without her. I couldn’t help but be proud of myself at that point.

Without glancing at her again, I straightened up and headed toward the outer gates. My steps were firm against the soil as I let out a small sigh.

I didn’t look back, even when I heard voices raising behind me. All greeting Wanqing but that didn’t mean I didn’t imagine her possibly glancing at my retreating figure.

I wonder how it felt.

This was payback anyway. I wanted her to see me walking away, let her see I want nothing to do with her.

I had just gotten to the outer gates when one of the guards jogged towards me, the usual smile he had on his face was nowhere to be found at that point.

I frowned then asked, "Is something the problem?"

The guard looked at the direction in which the imperial carriage was packed, then he rubbed the back of his neck as though he was nervous.

After a while, he said, "You aren’t allowed to leave, Anning."

I almost laughed at his words. Today was my day off, I had permission to leave and heck, I wasn’t planning on letting anyone take it away from me.

"It’s either you step aside or you pull the god-damned gate open." I said through clenched teeth, pulling my hood down allowing my silver hair to come into view.

"The order came from the young miss." He said firmly, running a hand through his hair. "You know I would never stop you from going. She saw you before you reached here and told me to shut the gates."

That bitch.

Why was she hell bent on making my life miserable? If I didn’t have my special dose of sweets today, I might actually go nuts.

"You could just open the gates for me. You know, I have permission." I requested, hands crossed against my chest.

I watched the guard’s eyes leave my face and slowly trail down my body. But instead of looking all glazed and stuff.

He shook his head, muttered an apology and returned back to his post.

I stared at the gate in front of me wondering if I could throw myself over it. But just looking at the size and structure, it wasn’t possible. I was so short!

I stared at the closed gates for a few seconds longer before finally giving up. There was no point arguing with the guards.

Not when they looked like they would rather throw themselves into a flowing river than let me pass through the gates.

"It’s not like I want to leave that badly, anyways." I said, rolling my eyes at them.

The lies I tell myself at times. I just wanted a few hours to pretend this wasn’t my life.

I turned around with a sigh. Since I couldn’t leave, I might as well head back to my room and continue doing absolutely nothing.

As I walked across the courtyard, my eyes landed on a pale rose growing near the stone path. It looked a few shades darker than my hair, that only had me stopping.

I bent slightly and plucked it, bringing it up to my nose and giving it a small sniff before I continued walking.

"At least one of us actually enjoys their lives. I envy you pretty rose." I whispered.

I had just finished speaking when someone suddenly stepped in front of me. I frowned and raised my head.

When I realized it was an imperial guard, I didn’t say anything. I simply stepped to the side so I could walk around him, but he blocked me again.

I frowned and tried changing directions, but he stepped into my path. Again.

Before I could ask what his problem was, he reached out and tried grabbing my arm.

I slapped his hand away and said flatly, "Don’t touch me. What exactly do you want from me?"

The guard blinked in confusion but eventually lowered his hand. "My apologies."

"Wonderful. Now, step aside." I muttered, twirling the rose between my fingers.

"Lady Wanqing has asked me to bring you alone." He said and that name made me scoff inwardly.

She had just gotten back and yet, she still couldn’t let me be.

I looked up at him and said, "No."

"Excuse me?"

"You are excused." I said, biting on my lower lip.

I could see the frustration and confusion in the guard’s eyes, but I don’t care.

"Lady Wanqing wants to see you." He repeated and I calmly nodded.

"I heard you the first time." I said.

He opened his mouth looking like he was about saying something but just ended up closing it again.

I stopped playing with my rose and let out a small sigh.

"You can go back and tell your lady that I do not want to see her."

I emphasized on the seeing part because no one could even comprehend the amount of bullshit I had to endure during these nine years. Call it, pent up anger.

The guard’s face turned pale, "I cannot say something like that. "

"Then make something up, I do not care what you want or what she wants. Get lost."