Anning’s pov

I couldn’t even recognize my own voice. I let out a small chuckle and this time, it hurt.

"You idiot." I whispered to myself, slowly lowering myself till I was crouching down on the floor. "You absolute idiot."

I had actually lied to myself for days! I had actually believed us staying apart for those months would be enough.

I mean, I was yet to say the words I love you to her. How could I be feeling this way?

I had believed I was stronger than this.

But hearing that she was getting married had shattered something I didn’t even realize I had been protecting.

I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes. Tears rolled down my cheeks without stopping as I whispered to myself.

"I don’t even like women."

A sob escaped my lips anyway, making me bite down hard on my lower lip.

As seconds went by, the sobs grew harder to suppress. My silver hair slipped forward, covering the sides of my face as my shoulders trembled.

I hated crying. I hated feeling this weak over someone who probably wouldn’t even think twice about me.

Most of all, I hated myself for hoping.

The sound of approaching footsteps made me stiff. I bit harder on my lower lip, trying desperately to force the sobs back down my throat.

I didn’t want anyone to see me this way. Anning, stop crying...

My thoughts came to a pause when a large hand settled gently on top of my head.

"Coming all this way to cry doesn’t suit your personality."

The moment I realized who was standing beside me and who was touching me. reacted without hesitation, slapping the hand on my head off.

"Don’t touch me." I snapped, scrambling away too quickly.

There was barely enough time for me to register what had happened until I lost my balance completely. I landed on the grass with a soft thud.

"Shit." I muttered.

For a few seconds, neither of us moved or said a single thing.

That was until I sniffed. The sound alone was enough to remind me of the tears I had been trying so hard to hide.

I felt blood rush to my cheeks. I reached up and wiped at my face with the sleeves on my robe. But that only made the wetness smear across my cheeks.

"Go away." I snapped, my voice trembling despite my efforts to keep it steady.

I lowered my head, refusing to look her in the eyes and why the fuck was she still standing here?

She didn’t say anything for a few seconds before a shadow suddenly fell over me. I looked up and saw Wanqing standing in front of me, one hand extended in my direction.

"Stand." She said coldly.

I stared at her hands, taking in her long fingers and pale skin. I couldn’t help but wonder what she had been up to ever since she left the Gu residence.

I shook my head, not wanting to dwell over it as I muttered. "I don’t need your help."

Wanqing brows drew together as she asked, "Do you enjoy sitting on the floor?"

"And whose fault do you think that is?" I asked, glaring fiercely at her.

I ignored the stubborn tears still clinging to my lashes. I didn’t want her touching me, not now. Not ever.

The hand remained suspended between us. The calm look on her face only made me feel worse.

Does seeing me like this not affect her even a bit?

Slowly, Wanqing lowered her hand back to her side. I pulled my knees closer to my chest, with my face buried between them.

The silence stretched between us. Then, before I could stop myself, the words escaped my lips.

"Why are you here?"

"What do you mean by that?" She questioned back, tilting her head to the side.

And I thought I was the clueless one between us.

I laughed softly and finally looked at her properly, "I’m being serious, young miss. Do you need something from me?"

She let me leave that room. She sat there while Xiao Qingyue announced their marriage like it meant nothing.

She fucking allowed me walk away. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"Sneaking up on me while I’m like this is not very nice of you." I said, letting out a shaky breath. "It’s not fair."

It truly wasn’t. Every single time I thought I had figured her out, she proved me wrong. Everytime I decided it was time to move on, she would make me feel something again.

With her, it was always one step forward and three freaking steps back.

I hated it. I hated her.

No.

I hated that I didn’t hate her enough.

Wanqing looked down at me, then asked quietly, "What is wrong with you?"

I stared at her in nothing but disbelief. "What?"

Was she seriously asking me this question or was I imagining things? Please, tell me this was some sort of nightmare.

"You’re crying." She said, her voice sounding slightly strained.

Just hearing her say that had anger rushing through me. A loud, almost hysterical laugh escaped my lips.

"How does it concern you?" I asked, once I stopped laughing.

Wanqing didn’t respond. I wiped my face again before continuing.

"After all, young Miss has a fianceè now. You should be more careful."

These words left a bitter taste in my mouth. But I still forced myself to smile. I gestured between us and spoke, "Being seen alone with me in the garden could cause misunderstandings."

I tilted my head to the side. "I can’t afford to ruin my perfect image."

For the first time since I met Gu Wanqing, she rolled her eyes. Like, actually rolled them. I blinked in surprise.

Then, without warning, she lowered herself onto the grass right beside me.

"What the heck are you doing?" I demanded, shuffling away from her.

As though being too close to her would somehow make my heart forget everything that had just happened.

Wanqing glanced sideways at me and that had me moving an inch away from her.

And thankfully, she remained exactly where she was. The afternoon breeze blew the ends of her dark hair to the side.

"You call what you’ve established a ’perfect image’" she said, then looked directly at me. "But I just see it as you suppressing your anger."