Chapter 6: Chapter 6 - My Story Told Freely

Welcome everyone to another session of "Daniel explains his life".

I know right, what a wonderful intro.

I’m getting pretty good at this aren’t I.

Okay, so this time I’m going to tell you about my very elaborate, and ingenious plans, and how they didn’t work out like I expected them to at all.

But oh well, a man’s got to try right.

And then in the next session I’ll hand the reins over to my beautiful wife again, so she can tell you how I’ve been lying to myself for years.

She’ll also probably contradict much of my brilliance again.

But don’t mind any of that.

As you’ve probably noticed I’ve had a lot more freedom in what I say in this session, I mean Julia would have never let me get away with telling you to ignore her.

That’s because this time I’m completely alone with you guys.

The girls had some kind of business somewhere.

I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better not to know where they go, or to ask too many questions about their "business".

You know that whole "it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to grant permission" saying.

That, and it gives me plausible deniability if they decide to maybe hurt some people, or destroy a city, declare war, any of the above really.

They always do all of this out of affection you know, I can’t really scold them too much when they do some bad things.

I do try to impart upon them a semblance of my eternal patience, grace, and responsibility, but it doesn’t always take well.

Anyway, let’s get back to it.

This session is going to be fun hehehe.

***

After almost an hour in the waiting room, Julia and I were finally seated at one of the window tables.

I actually liked that the table was in the corner of the inn, so I could sit with my back to a corner, and a view of all of the patrons on one side, and a view of the rapidly darkening village out the window on the other side.

I had always loved people watching, so obviously this was perfect for me.

Just as a smile aside, and to show you that I am truly the gentleman I keep telling you I am, when we arrived at our table, I pulled out Julia chair for her.

I mean come on, am I or am I a gentleman.

If she had worn a coat I would have even helped her out of it.

I would have helped her out of anything she asked me to help her out of... Ahem. Anyway, I’m pretty sure it was at that moment that she fell completely in love with me.

Come on ladies, you have to admit it, if you pair my natural charm, charisma, and strikingly good looks with my humble and gentlemanly nature, no one would be able to resist.

Sorry about that I’ve wandered off topic again a bit.

So we sat at our corner table having whispered discussions about this and that.

She asked me some questions, I asked her some questions, blah blah blah.

Honestly I paid almost no attention to any of it, but being as amazing as I am I could answer all of her questions without issue, even if I didn’t pay complete attention.

It’s not that I didn’t want to pay attention to her.

It’s just kind of hard to do when she looked so mouth wateringly sexy at that moment. I mean she even looked elegant and beautiful when she ate.

When she ate!

How in the hell does a person achieve that?

I also had to constantly remind myself of my gentlemanly nature, and that it would be extremely uncouth of me to ogle her like I wanted to.

"Can you guys finish up quickly please? We need this table." I was however not too distracted to hear that question being asked.

At first I thought it was asked of someone else.

I mean we hadn’t been sitting there for too long.. Right?

I couldn’t have lost track of time that much.

We had only just finished our food, and were now each leisurely sipping a glass of wine, which I have to say tasted like heaven to me.

But apparently I was mistaken, because the man was definitely speaking to us.

A waiter had appeared next to us, and was looking down at us with open contempt.

Now I have to admit, elven people in general are pretty beautiful. The men are handsome, and the women are sexy as hell.

But that waiter was not one of those counted in general.

He had tiny squinted eyes, a potbelly, and a double chin.

Which honestly upended the entire image of elves I had in my mind.

Maybe that’s why he was so pissed off?

I think I would be pissed off if I looked like that too. Luckily for me, and for you all, I don’t look like that.

How would you have felt if all of this charm was gone just because I’m always pissed off.

One mistake however that that very angry looking, very ugly elf made was to interrupt Julia mid-sentence.

She may have forgiven that, but he made another one, and that was to openly ogle her.

Which she also would’ve forgiven, but the next thing he did really made her angry.

His gaze shifted from her to me, and I don’t know if it was pure jealousy of my handsomeness, but he suddenly gobbed up a huge amount of... maybe I shouldn’t explain that in too much detail, but just know that he spat that "stuff" into my wine.

My wiiine!

To this day I still can’t really understand why he did that. I had just gotten into the village a couple of hours ago, I hadn’t had enough time to make any enemies... right?

I was about to get up and teach him a very hard lesson, I had been in a couple of bar fights in my life, I never liked fighting, but I had never shied away from one either. But I was beaten to the punch— literally— by a slender and elegant hand slapping the shit out of him.

Now usually in the dramas I watched, and even some of the light novels I read, it stopped after the slap.

But those clearly didn’t take into account an angry Julia. The man had barely gotten his balance back when a boot split his body in two.

No, not literally, though I think that might have been the aim, because she held nothing back on that kick.

Some of Earth’s soccer players would have been jealous of the precision and power she had generated behind that kick.

Honestly I almost felt sorry for him.

But then I remembered that he had spat in my wine, so internally I cheered her on. Only internally of course, I don’t believe in making scenes, that would go against my elegant nature after all.

I did however wonder for a moment if he would ever be able to find his nuts again.

Yeah, in case you misunderstood, that aim wasn’t aimed at his gut.

Oh no no no, that was a direct centre mass attack.

A no holds barred plum basher.

I think he’s probably still speaking in a squeaky voice to this day.

"Not only did you interrupt our conversation, but you dared be rude to Daniel!" she said as she strolled closer to the suddenly very small man.

You see I told you guys she had already fallen in love with me at that time.

The man was trying to apologize between moans of pain, sudden spasms, and retching.

Now if any of you know what it means when a man starts retching as soon as he takes a hit to the nuts, you might also feel inclined to pity the poor man.

And of course I was no different in that moment, so I did the most generous thing I could.

I forgave him in my heart, wished him well, and gave a silent prayer that Julia might stop before he was dead.

But of course my entertainment just had to be interrupted by a man rushing towards us at an incredible speed.

I mean he was really moving.

I’m talking Usain Bolt movement speed.

"Please stop!" he yelled as he arrived in front of Julia.

Once he was stationary again, I recognized him as the innkeeper.

Just the man I wanted to speak to.

He was the centre of all of my plans.

The vital cog in the wheel of my future businesses.

My very own golden Goose so to speak.

But knowing that it probably wasn’t the time to talk business at that moment, I left the situation to Julia, who handled it with the same grace she handled everything with.

After a couple of moments of serious apologizing by the innkeeper, some stern words and another slap to the rude waiter, the promise of free rooms and food for the next week, we were on our way.

My plans delayed for another day.

As we walked away from the diner, I pretended not to notice the death glare Julia shot the rude waiter.

Obviously she was still a bit upset, but it’s not like she would do anything more to the poor man, I mean she had basically already ruined his future, there wasn’t much more she could do to him... right?

***

Oh my girls are back!

How did it go?

Do I need to write apology letters to anyone?

I just got to the part where I had my first meeting with the innkeeper.

What do you mean I take too long to tell the story?

I only told them the important bits!

I did not "toot my own horn" the entire session.

I’m really out of time already?

Shit.

Okay guys, I’m sorry about this, I know I said I’d tell you about my plans and how they went wrong in this session... but apparently I’m out of time again.

According to my lovely wives, that’s because I overdo everything.

Anyway, we might have to delay Julia’s session a bit— but you guys don’t mind do you?

Thanks for listening, we’ll get back to it in the next session.