Su Mu had known about the existence of the "left-behind children" for quite some time, occasionally paying attention to news about them, but she had never interacted with them before, so she couldn’t truly understand the environment these children lived in. Now that she was amidst it, the only emotions left in her heart were sorrow and endless reflection. 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

It was a society where the gap between rich and poor was increasingly evident; they lived in cities where, even if people were struggling, they could at least live with dignity. However, when Su Mu arrived in the mountainous area, she found that basic utilities like electricity and water weren’t even guaranteed. Children had to walk several kilometers on mountain roads to go to school and looked at her like she was an alien, shyly keeping their distance.

It was early August, at the height of summer’s heat, yet Su Mu noticed some children were still wearing cotton shoes and trousers. She couldn’t help but approach them to ask why they weren’t wearing lighter clothes. The boy’s face was covered in grime, but his smile revealed his bright white teeth, quite charming. He spoke a few words in his local dialect which Su Mu couldn’t understand until a village official clumsily translated,

"He said the previous shoes were too small to fit, and these are the only ones left that he can wear. Same for the clothes."

Su Mu fell silent for a long while because of this answer.

Su Mu and Ji Qingluan’s team stayed in the mountain village, distributing supplies brought along to each household in the afternoon, ensuring every child had new clothes. Su Mu was responsible for taking photos and, despite the intense sun and high temperatures, felt an unprecedented enthusiasm for her work.

Perhaps it was because she was a mother herself, she couldn’t bear to see any child suffer. She hoped her efforts could attract more attention to these children, enabling them to have a carefree childhood like those in the cities.

An afternoon with the children reduced their wariness towards these strangers. At dinner time, a few children eagerly joined them for the meal. Su Mu managed to understand some of the local language, though very limited, but seeing the children’s smiling faces, she knew they were happy.

In the mountain area, where each household was far apart, Su Mu worried about the children’s safety walking home late and asked them to leave early. As she watched them leave from the farmhouse they temporarily stayed at, Su Mu stood at the doorway for a long time. Even though she could no longer see the children, she could still hear their laughter and joyful voices.

It was at this moment that Ji Qingluan approached Su Mu from behind, looking in the same direction to only see the evening’s residual glow, and smiled faintly,

"I felt the same way the first time I came here, wishing I could give them everything I had."

Su Mu turned to look at Ji Qingluan,

"You’re really great."

"I just do what I can," Ji Qingluan replied, then sat down on the high threshold of the doorway, "My life isn’t only about charity. There are many things to handle at the company. So for these children, I can only visit occasionally, inevitably I can’t look after everything, but I try my best."

Su Mu followed Ji Qingluan’s lead and sat beside her,

"You’re already doing great, unlike me who never thought about these things before. I only thought about myself. Looking back now, it really feels narrow-minded."

"You can’t say that. Your past life wasn’t much better. Unlike me, I’m free and like to roam around. It was by chance that I discovered such a group in the world that we couldn’t imagine existed." Ji Qingluan looked at Su Mu, "Now that you know, I believe you will continue to pay attention. Besides, my reason for bringing you here was to let more people know through your lens."

"I’ll definitely complete the task you’ve given me and not let you down."

Ji Qingluan smiled faintly and they sat in silence for a long time until the evening glow completely disappeared, surrendering to the encroaching darkness. Fortunately, a lamp lit in the yard prevented it from feeling too frightening.

"How have you and Wen Han been lately?"

Ji Qingluan’s sudden inquiry didn’t surprise Su Mu since she had anticipated this question and smiled faintly,

"Still the same, no progress, but it doesn’t seem to be regressing either."

"The two of you really..." Ji Qingluan couldn’t help but laugh, "It’s frustrating how slow it is. It doesn’t even look like you’re in a relationship."

Su Mu smiled and didn’t deny Ji Qingluan’s statement, as she herself felt a strangeness in her respectfulness towards Wen Han, including her inability to voice her doubts openly in front of him, like the incident of Fu Shinian getting hurt.

Though Su Mu knew that even if she had been aware then, the outcome might not have been any different now.

"I heard Fu Shinian is trying to win you back, and you’ve met a few times?"

Su Mu looked at Ji Qingluan with a puzzled expression, "How did you know?"

"Don’t be so nervous, Wen Han didn’t tell me, and I won’t tell him either. I just happened to find out." Ji Qingluan smiled at Su Mu, "Did Fu Shinian tell you why he left you and hurt you back then?"

Su Mu nodded.

"Was his reason sufficient?"

Su Mu smiled faintly, not answering.

"I suppose so. For someone like Fu Shinian, he wouldn’t have pushed you away like that unless it was something he couldn’t resolve. So, what about now? Now that you know his harms were justified, have you thought about forgiving him? Or perhaps, is your resentment towards him not as strong as before?"

Su Mu looked at Ji Qingluan,

"Do you hope I forgive him?"

Ji Qingluan laughed lightly,

"Whether you forgive him or not doesn’t really matter to me. If you forgive Fu Shinian and break up with Wen Han, he still won’t be with me. If you don’t forgive him and continue to be with Wen Han, I won’t be jealous either. After all these years with Wen Han, there’s one thing I’ve learned well."

"What’s that?"

"Numbness." Ji Qingluan looked into the distance, her voice soft, "I can see him with another woman, watch him get married and have children, watch him cut off his emotional thoughts in the name of his child, and watch him break his promise and fall for you. I’ve calmly accepted all of it, so numb that I don’t even feel anything, even able to smile and congratulate him, wishing him happiness."

Su Mu didn’t fully understand such feelings as she’d never experienced them, and even if she had, she likely wouldn’t have been as stubborn as Ji Qingluan.