The story cannot rewind, cannot restart; from the beginning to now, I am still waiting with anticipation.

Zhang Zhentian does not understand what his wife is still capable of doing now. A perfectly normal person has almost completely lost her rationality, hurting her family to such an extent for her first boyfriend. He doesn’t know how to describe his wife, but he knows that she once was just like him. For his wife, he could abandon and disregard his family; yet the truth slapped him hard in the face. No matter how much he gives, in his seventy years, he will never receive the best response, because the person whom his wife’s eyes love is not him. She uses him again and again, just to make him love her even more wholeheartedly.

To Xia Ji, Xia Jing feels that every single thing she has done has thoroughly hurt her husband. No matter what decision her husband makes, he can only accept it gladly. Many things he cannot change in any way. He knows all of this is merely the consequence of his own actions, and who can he blame? Ultimately, all this will only lead to a deeper pain for him. But if, because of what she’s done, her family is once again heavily impacted; she is very unwilling in her heart.

Everyone makes mistakes, and what’s more terrifying than frequent mistakes is making mistakes without knowing how to repent, and repeatedly hurting those who love you most. That’s the most terrifying thing. How many mistakes must one make in a lifetime to realize the extent to which they’ve hurt the ones who love them? How many mistakes must be made to know regret? In a lifetime, he repeatedly makes choices that ultimately hurt only his own family. Those who don’t care about him never let him suffer, no matter what.

He slowly, slowly begins to understand how wrong the things he once did were. He hurt those who loved him most, and because of this, the person he loved most also left him. He doesn’t know what kind of person he can still become in this lifetime. All he knows is that he has no way back anymore. The repeated blows have ultimately left him with indelible harm.

"Zhentian, I know whatever I say now is of no use, causing you great psychological harm. But please believe me, I don’t mean anything else. I only want a stable life. Every decision I made hurt you—this is my life. But you know, I also want to stay by your side. Everyone makes mistakes, I made so many, and you chose to forgive me again and again. Do you think my inner self is truly indifferent? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve done too much and ended up numb!

Don’t let me say sorry to you anymore. I know your heart already thoroughly rejects me. You no longer know what words of mine are true or false. I understand this feeling, being full once and again by the one most loved, while being left clueless; that feeling is truly awful. So no matter what decisions you make about me or what words you speak, I won’t blame you. All of this has ultimately ruined the happy life I could have had on my own. I don’t know why I made such decisions at the time that hurt you and the person who loved me most. Everything I did was never right; each mistake did nothing but hurt you!

I’ve never regretted so much. This is the most regretful thing in my life because I don’t know if what I did was wrong. I have no way back anymore. Time has devastated me, knowing it slips by tremendously with the passing of light. I now have no road of return to walk!

Thank you for your tolerance of me, but in the end, I still failed you and your perfect expectations. I’m sorry—this is the last time I say sorry in my life. I don’t know where I’ll observe you in the future, even if you don’t speak or respond in any way. I will choose to leave you. I won’t live with you again because my life and presence have only brought endless pain and never any comfort! 𝐟𝗿𝐞𝚎𝚠𝐞𝚋𝕟𝐨𝚟𝐞𝕝.𝕔𝕠𝚖

In this life, you could have had a more perfect and happier life, but unfortunately, you met me. It’s because of my presence that your entire life plan was disrupted. I’m sorry; I really regretted it intensely in the past, really regretted it. All I wanted was to stay by your side, but why has it resulted in hurting you so many times throughout the years? Although I’ve always been waiting for my first boyfriend to return to my side, I understand it’s nothing but an elusive fantasy. Yet only you appear by my side time and again, protecting me, comforting me, giving me happiness!"

"Do you really think it’s okay to say such things now? I was so sincere with you, yet you chose to hurt me in such a way. What qualification or reason do you have to say these things to me now? In your eyes, what kind of man am I? Can’t I really give you any happiness and joy? Over these years with me, whether it’s your heartfelt laughter or your forced smile at me, I’ve been very happy. As long as I see you smile reluctantly, I feel like I’m truly the happiest man in the world. But why must you slap me in the face like this? In your eyes, what do I mean to you? Can’t you give me a bit of happiness, a bit of comfort? Do you have to make things so absolute that there’s no road back at all?

I must admit that now you have completely lost your rationality. You are no longer the Xia Jing I knew before. Every single act you perform has no groundwork to speak of; you simply follow blindly what’s inside you. Without knowing what you really want, you only know your heart has been yearning for someone. For him, you could forsake everything—even your life—do you know? Your actions have thoroughly hurt my sincere feelings for you! How can you bear to hurt me?"

You leave me in the gray zone, with only clouds left behind. I love desperately, ultimately only swapping for a deserved line!