"Hmm, go ahead and speak."

As a lord, as a machine of ascension, you must grow accustomed to your role.

Siniang seemed to have had some drinks earlier, a charm rippling between her brows.

"My lord, during these days when you were out on campaign, I pondered for a long time, and I contemplated a lot. In the past, everyday life felt clear.

Living in clarity doesn't necessarily make life comfortable;

But living in confusion taught me that the rare peace found in ignorance is true freedom.

Yet now, it seems I can no longer remain in the dark—I wish to ascend."

"Hmm, I know."

The allure of restored power is irresistible even to a demon.

"However, my lord, whether you believe it or not, if my sole wish was to ascend, I wouldn't be urgently seeking it. Some thorns have emerged, and we cannot pretend they don't exist.

They cause pain, they constantly remind you they are still there."

Zheng Fan took another bite of his dish,

then raised his wine cup.

"My lord, if I may speak frankly, I have no romantic feelings towards you."

The hand holding the wine cup

was frozen.

"I truly pondered for many days, for a considerable time, considering whether I should deceive you, as deceitful men are my specialty.

Yet I feel I must be honest with you.

I really do not love you, my lord, at least not in the manner of lovers, truly not.

I tried to find such feelings, but to no avail, genuinely no avail."

Zheng Fan downed the wine in his cup,

his face

betrayed no emotion.

In truth,

when he looked up at Siniang again,

he found

he could be a bit more at peace.

Once things are spoken openly, both parties actually feel more at ease.

"I have never been with a man, though many parts of me have been yours, my lord, I have kept that part untouched."

Zheng Fan felt an urge to ask, what is our relationship exactly?

Friends with benefits?

Familiar patrons?

Yet he sensed that saying anything now would carry the sourness of being rejected while appearing polite, so he remained silent.

Tsk,

how should one articulate this feeling?

"My lord, do you believe, at first, I approached you and helped you, mainly to use such means to ascend?"

Zheng Fan shook his head, saying: "Not at all."

"You truly haven't thought about it this way?"

"Truly not."

Zheng Fan's answer was firm.

Because Siniang didn't really need to do so and had no reason to.

She isn't a mere vase nor just a madam who only knows how to open red tents.

She possesses capability; in fact, whether in Hutou City or during the consecutive relocations until reaching Snow Sea Pass, it has been she who managed the household business eloquently, while the blind one handled other aspects.

She could fully rely on her skills and talents like Liang Cheng, Xue Three, and A Ming to earn a living.

Since Liang Cheng and the others were able to ascend step by step in the past,

there was no reason she couldn't.

And form the start, Zheng Fan had never thought of taking the chance to embrace Siniang because of his "terror" towards her.

She was too daunting, Zheng Fan, didn't dare.

If it hadn't been for Siniang's proactive approach at that time, Lord Zheng wouldn't have taken the first step at all.

Of course, upon hearing all these words, a discomfort arises within the heart, but there really doesn't lie any meaning of blame, after all, enjoyment had been shared, yet placing the blame on her at the end wouldn't be fair;

What difference is there between this and lecturing a girl to lead a good life post all pleasures given?

Face, where is the face?

However, that slight unease isn't entirely avoidable, since humans tend to add a portion of their fantasy to their life, their future, to some appealing matters.

People can hardly be truly content, attaining one's pastures and then longing for more is instinctive.

"My lord, quite often, I am unclear about my own situation, unlike A Cheng, San'er and the blind one;

They possess history, a beginning, a past, they took steps and transformed gradually, matured and experienced.

Whereas I, only have experiences.

Can you understand what I mean, my lord?"

Zheng Fan nodded.

He comprehended because, for instance, the blind one, Liang Cheng, and A Ming, their tales embody a beginning, occurrences, and a more complete storyline.

Meanwhile, Siniang, throughout most comic scenarios, stood in varied timelines, under varied backgrounds, across different cities running a brothel, her most iconic image is leaning against the railings of the second floor, gazing afar.

The distant scene might be the scenery of flourishing Tang Chang'an; might be the glitz and glamour within Bianliang of Northern Song; might be the decadent life of the Republic era;

And possibly the neon-lit busy traffic.

Sharp yet really perplexed, she seemingly sought something, gradually, seemingly forgotten what she was truly searching for, just relentlessly questing.

Siniang reached out,

touched Zheng Fan's face,

then,

she leaned closer,

their breath was felt on each other's face, ticklishly.

"My lord, I truly don't grasp the essence of so-called romantic love, indeed, you aren't the man I love."

Lord Zheng suddenly felt an onset of heartache;

Yet maintained a smile,

and calmly,

with decorum, inquired:

"Then what type of man do you like?"

Siniang, upon hearing,

showed an immediate, sorrowful expression,

then stepped back,

flung the wine jug onto the ground,

fortunately, the carpet shielded its fragility, leaving the jug intact, yet it spilled wine everywhere, immediately saturating the surroundings with rich liquor aroma.

Siniang extended her hand,

coyly tucked the raven hairs around her temples behind her ears,

spoke with deep resentment:

"In my view, men are filthy, and upon a mere contact, the stench becomes intolerable, they're akin to rats scurrying within the gutter, not even human.

My lord, I hold no admiration or love towards you as a man, these words from me are true without deceit.

Earlier, my lord enquired what kind of man appeals to me;

Actually, I have no choice at all.

Because,

in my eyes,

in this world,

only you exist as a man, my lord."

————

Good night, everyone.