Si woo

I knew something was wrong the second the doctor walked toward me without looking me in the eyes.

People always did that before ruining your life.

They suddenly found the floor very interesting.

I stood up so fast the chair behind me screeched across the floor. My body hurt from sitting there for hours but I barely felt it. My head was pounding. My clothes still smelled like blood and hospital sanitizer and regret.

Mostly regret.

"Well?" I snapped. "Say something."

The doctor rubbed his face. "The surgery was successful."

My knees almost gave out.

Thank God.

Thank fucking God.

"He’s alive?" I asked quickly.

"Yes."

"And the baby?"

The doctor went quiet.

I already knew.

No.

No no no no.

"He’s very sorry, Mr. Choi."

The words hit harder than screaming would have.

I stared at him.

Nothing came out of my mouth at first because my brain just completely stopped working. Like actually shut down. Blank screen. Error message. Restart required.

"No," I said finally.

The doctor swallowed. "The baby went into distress during surgery and Ye Jun’s body was shutting down. We couldn’t save him."

Him.

A son.

We had a son.

Had.

I laughed.

Not because anything was funny. My body just did it anyway.

A horrible little sound escaped my throat and suddenly I was laughing while tears were running down my face and the doctor looked terrified like maybe I was about to lose my mind right there in front of him.

Honestly? Fair assumption.

"That’s..." I wiped my face roughly. "Wow. That’s crazy because like three days ago I was arguing about baby names and now my son is dead, so that’s fun."

"Mr. Choi..."

"No seriously, what the fuck do people even say to that? Thank you? Better luck next pregnancy? Should I clap?"

The doctor stayed quiet.

Good choice.

Because if he had said "I understand" I genuinely might’ve launched myself through a window.

I pressed both hands against my face hard enough to hurt.

My son was dead.

Ye Jun almost died.

And it was my fault.

Every single part of it.

The doctor spoke again carefully. "There’s something else."

Of course there fucking was.

Because apparently the universe woke up today and decided to beat me to death with a chair.

"What now?" I asked weakly.

"The head injury caused memory loss."

I frowned. "What?"

"He remembers basic things. His name, general information, childhood memories. But the trauma affected recent memory processing."

I stared at him blankly.

"What does that mean in normal human language?"

The doctor exhaled. "Ye Jun doesn’t remember the accident."

For one second relief hit me so hard it almost made me dizzy.

Then guilt punched straight through it.

"He..." My voice cracked. "He doesn’t remember falling?"

"No."

"He doesn’t remember the fight?"

The doctor hesitated.

"We’re still evaluating how much he remembers, but it appears the memory loss centers heavily around the pregnancy and recent events."

I felt sick.

"What are you saying?"

"He may not remember being pregnant at all."

The hallway tilted.

"No."

"We won’t know the extent until he fully wakes up."

"No, no, no, that’s not..." I dragged my hands through my hair aggressively. "No, because he carried that baby for months, he can’t just forget that, are you insane?"

Trauma apparently was insane because the doctor looked dead serious.

"He woke up briefly," he continued carefully. "He was disoriented and became distressed asking why he was in surgery."

I stared at him.

"And?"

"And he asked where his parents were."

Cold spread through my chest.

"And when we mentioned you..."

The doctor paused.

"He didn’t recognize your name."

I actually stopped breathing.

No dramatic exaggeration. My lungs genuinely forgot how to work.

"What?"

"He became agitated when we tried pushing him to remember. Right now he needs stability, not stress."

"No." I shook my head immediately. "No, you’re wrong. He knows me."

"Mr. Choi..."

"He knows me."

My voice came out sharp enough that two nurses looked over.

I didn’t care.

"He knows me," I repeated. "Ye Jun knows me better than anyone."

The doctor looked exhausted already. "Memory loss after severe trauma is complicated."

"No, what’s complicated is your hospital charging eighteen dollars for burnt coffee downstairs, this is bullshit."

"Sir..."

"I’m his boyfriend."

The word felt wrong suddenly.

Boyfriend.

We had a baby together.

Had.

Jesus Christ.

"We were literally having a baby together," I said hoarsely. "You’re telling me he forgot all of that?"

"We’re saying there’s a possibility."

I laughed again bitterly. "Wow. Great. Amazing. Fantastic week I’m having."

The doctor touched my shoulder gently.

I shoved his hand off immediately.

"Don’t," I snapped.

His expression tightened.

"I understand you’re grieving but you need to remain stable before seeing him."

"Stable?" I stared at him. "My son died like twenty minutes ago."

"You cannot upset Ye Jun."

"I upset him?" I barked out a laugh. "Trust me, nobody is more aware of that than me."

The doctor looked like he wanted to ask questions about that but decided against it.

Smart man.

"Can I see him?" I asked finally.

"Briefly."

Before I could move, the doctor grabbed my arm lightly.

"One more thing."

I looked at him impatiently.

"He woke up frightened earlier. If he becomes distressed again, we will have to remove you from the room."

I nodded quickly. "Fine."

"I mean it."

"Okay."

"You cannot pressure him."

"Okay!"

Jesus Christ.

They were acting like I was about to throw Ye Jun through a wall.

Which honestly offended me because I would never hurt him.

Emotionally? Apparently yes.

Physically? Never.

A nurse led me toward Ye Jun’s room and every step felt heavier.

I didn’t know what I was walking into anymore.

My baby was gone.

Ye Jun didn’t remember me.

Part of me wanted to run away before hearing him say it out loud.

Who are you?

I don’t know you.

I couldn’t survive hearing that from him.

The nurse opened the door quietly.

Ye Jun was awake.

The second I saw him my chest tightened so painfully I almost turned around.

He looked pale and exhausted. There was a bandage around his head and bruises on his arms. The hospital gown hung loosely off one shoulder.

And his stomach was flat now.

Flat.

The sight almost dropped me to my knees.

Because for months there had always been a baby there.

Our baby.

I remembered talking to his stomach at night while Ye Jun complained I was being annoying.

"Stop yelling at my bladder," he’d grumble sleepily.

"I’m bonding with my son."

"You called him a tax deduction yesterday."

"Yeah and now we’re close."

Ye Jun would roll his eyes so hard it was honestly disrespectful.

Now the room felt empty without that round belly.

Like something had been ripped out of the world.

Ye Jun looked toward the door slowly.

Our eyes met.

Nothing.

No recognition.

No anger.

No love.

Just confusion.

"...Hi," he said carefully.

My heart shattered so hard I physically felt it.

"Hey, baby."

The nickname slipped out automatically.

Ye Jun frowned instantly.

"Baby?"

Right.

I saw the exact second realization started crawling into his brain.

"No," I whispered immediately.

Ye Jun looked at me sharply.

"...What happened to me?"

Nobody answered.

The monitor beside him started beeping faster.

Ye Jun’s eyes moved between us.

"What happened?"

The nurse stepped forward carefully. "Ye Jun, you went through a major surgery and right now you need to stay calm."

"Why?"

"Your body experienced trauma."

"What trauma?"

I stood up too fast. "Maybe we shouldn’t do this right now."

Ye Jun ignored me completely.

His breathing got heavier.

"Why does my stomach feel..." He grabbed the blanket suddenly. "Why does it feel empty?"

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

His eyes snapped to mine.

"What happened?"

I opened my mouth.

Nothing came out.

Because how the fuck was I supposed to say it?

Hey babe surprise, you were pregnant and now our son is dead because I acted like a jealous asshole and you fell down the stairs.

The nurse spoke gently. "Ye Jun..."

"No." His voice shook now. "Tell me."

Tears instantly filled my eyes.

Ye Jun looked terrified.

And suddenly angry.

"Why are you crying?" he snapped. "Why is everyone looking at me like that? What happened to me?"

"You were pregnant," I whispered.

The room went dead silent.

Ye Jun stared at me.

"...What?"

"You were carrying our baby."

His face lost all color.

"No."

"You were seven months along."

"That’s not funny."

His voice came out sharp and panicked.

"I’m not joking."

"No." He shook his head immediately. "No, no, that’s insane."

"You had a son."

Ye Jun grabbed the sides of the bed hard enough his knuckles turned white.

Then he laughed.

Actually laughed.

A short disbelieving sound.

"You’re crazy."

I flinched.

"I know this sounds insane but..."

"You got me pregnant?" He looked horrified. "What kind of wattpad bullshit is this?"

The nurse covered her mouth suddenly like she almost laughed.

I would’ve appreciated that at literally any other moment in my life.

"It’s true," I whispered.

Ye Jun looked at the nurse desperately. "This man is insane."

Her expression fell immediately again. "Ye Jun..."

His face slowly cracked apart as he realized nobody was correcting me.

"No," he whispered again.

Tears filled his eyes instantly.

"No."

My chest caved in.

"You were pregnant," I repeated softly. "You had complications after the fall and..."

"The fall?"

Shit.

Too much too fast.

"The stairs," he whispered. "They said I fell."

I stayed quiet.

Ye Jun stared at me.

Then at my tear-stained face.

Then at the bruises on my knuckles from punching walls earlier.

Understanding started forming slowly.

Ugly.

Dangerous.

"What did you do?" he whispered.

The question sliced straight through me.

"I..."

The monitor started screaming faster.

The nurse immediately stepped in. "Okay, that’s enough for now."

"No." Ye Jun kept staring at me. "What happened?"

My mouth went dry.

Because I could lie.

I could say it was an accident.

I could hide the fight.

Hide the horrible things I said.

And maybe he’d never remember.

Maybe he’d still love me.

But the thought made me feel sick.

So I told the truth.

"We fought."

Ye Jun’s face hardened slightly.

"I said horrible things to you."

Silence.

"You got upset and tried to leave."

My voice broke badly now.

"I grabbed your wrist and you fell."

Ye Jun stared at me like he didn’t know who I was.

Honestly, fair.

"And the baby died?" he whispered.

I nodded once.

His face crumpled instantly.

Not loud crying.

Not screaming.

Just silent devastation.

Which somehow hurt worse.

"Oh my God," he whispered.

I moved toward him automatically. "Ye Jun..."

"Don’t touch me."

The words came out quiet.

But they hit like a slap.

I froze immediately.

Ye Jun covered his mouth, tears spilling down his face.

"I had a baby?" he whispered brokenly.

I started crying again instantly because hearing him say had nearly destroyed me.

"Our son," I choked out.

Ye Jun looked completely lost.

Like he was drowning inside his own body.

"I don’t remember him," he whispered.

That sentence broke something in me permanently.

Because I did.

I remembered everything.

The first kick.

Ye Jun crying because pickles suddenly smelled evil.

Him yelling at me at two in the morning because I ate the last yogurt.

"You said pregnancy was beautiful," I’d complained.

"And I was lying," he snapped. "I haven’t seen my own dick in four months, Si Woo."

I remembered all of it.

And Ye Jun remembered nothing.

He started shaking harder.

The nurse quickly moved toward him. "Okay, we need to calm down."

"I don’t remember my baby," Ye Jun whispered again, sounding horrified now. "What kind of mother forgets their own child?"

"Parent," the nurse corrected automatically.

Ye Jun blinked through tears.

"...Seriously?"

The nurse awkwardly nodded.

Even I let out a watery laugh at that.

Ye Jun stared at us like he hated everybody in the room.

"This is actually the worst day of my life," he muttered.

"You think?" I choked out.

He looked at me sharply.

Then suddenly winced hard, grabbing his head.

The monitor started screaming.

"Okay nope," the nurse said immediately. "That’s enough emotional damage for one evening."

"I need him out," another nurse said quickly as they rushed in.

"What?" I stepped back. "No."

"His stress levels are too high."

Ye Jun looked overwhelmed and pale.

"I..." He swallowed hard. "I can’t think."

"I’m sorry," I whispered desperately. "Ye Jun, I’m so sorry."

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

And no recognition at all.

That hurt more than the hatred would’ve.

The nurses started pulling me back toward the door.

"Wait," I said quickly. "Ye Jun, please."

His expression twisted.

Then quietly, broken and confused, he asked:

"...Did I love you?"