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... different directions like it was trying to spell out some kind of ancient curse. It was less "grain pattern" and more "chaotic art installation created by someone having a mental breakdown."

I applied shaving cream—way too much shaving cream, apparently, because I now looked like I was cosplaying as Santa Claus if Santa was having an identity crisis—and made my first careful stroke.

Immediately, blood.

"Shit!" I hissed, watching red mix with white foam like some kind of l ...

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