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... s spiraling into absurdist hell.

1. You wake up tied to a velvet heart-shaped bed.

2. Your breakfast is a three-course love confession.

3. All five of your psychotically devoted fiancées are holding knives, spatulas, or spellbooks—lovingly.

4. The national news is calling you the "Blessed Groom of War."

5. A goddess shows up wearing a therapist badge that says "Eris, Totally Certified."

Rei opened one bleary eye and immediately regretted it.

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