All My Murim Noonas Are Obsessed With Me!-Chapter 90: Getting My Ass Slapped By A Loli (2)

Dan Yuseong’s POV

Her voice felt strange—not something I heard with my ears, but etched directly into my mind. The sensation was eerily familiar, like when I read fortunes, tapping into the heavens.

"...This isn’t what I think it is, right?" I asked, a chill creeping up from my toes.

In that instant—

Thwip.

Slurrrp.

"?!"

It happened faster than I could process. When I came to, her lips were on mine, her tongue entwining with my own.

Slurp, slurp, slurrrp.

"Mmph! Mmmph!!"

Tap, tap.

It felt like my soul was being sucked out. This wasn’t a normal kiss. Through our entwined tongues, a mind-blanking wave of pleasure surged, overwhelming me.

I pounded her chest with all my strength to break free, but all I felt was a soft sensation—my power was nowhere near enough to escape.

Slurrrrp.

Her tongue’s movements grew fiercer.

"Mmph... mph..."

My head’s going weird...

It wasn’t just the physical thrill of our tongues clashing.

Scratch, scratch.

"!!"

Pleasure was being forcibly carved into my brain, like my mind was being violated through her tongue. Only now did I realize my hood had slipped off, exposing my face completely—my head too scrambled to notice sooner.

No, this can’t...

Twitch, twitch.

My body spasmed under the forced pleasure, teetering on the edge of release.

No way. Even for a pathetic body like mine, I couldn’t let a mere kiss push me over—

Slurrrp.

"Ngh... nngh..."

It was no use. This wasn’t something I could endure. The pleasure etched into my brain went beyond a kiss, beyond caresses—something else entirely.

Twitch, twitch.

Just as my body and mind surrendered, on the verge of erupting—

Pop.

"Eh...?"

Her lips pulled away. The searing pleasure in my mind vanished instantly.

Twitch, twitch.

Still trembling from the aftershocks, I barely propped myself up on the floor. Then her voice cut through—

"I’ll let it slide this once."

It was unmistakably different from before—cold, commanding, carrying an otherworldly weight.

"Keep the sass in check from now on."

"Y-Yes, ma’am..."

Her imposing presence sent a faint thrill through my chest.

Thump, thump.

Heart pounding, body shaking, I slumped to the floor, staring blankly into space. I’d just been forcibly kissed out of nowhere, but the lingering pleasure clouded my mind.

Running my hand over my lips—still warm and wet—I recalled their softness, separate from the mind-numbing ecstasy.

Lifting my gaze, I met her icy stare looking down at me. Even then, her glowing face amplified her mystical beauty, like a fairy descended from the heavens.

Ha!

Master’s image snapped me back to reality. Sure, she was gorgeous, but she couldn’t hold a candle to Master’s overwhelming presence. This pint-sized woman compared to Master’s commanding figure—

...Wait, she’s pretty stacked, huh?

On second glance, she wasn’t lacking. Her proportions were different, but she held her own.

As I mulled that over—

"Huh?!"

Her eyes shifted back to their earlier state, the overwhelming celestial energy around her vanishing.

"Di-Divine Heaven and Earth? W-What just..."

She patted herself down, calling out to the sky as if checking what had happened. When her hand brushed her lips, our eyes locked.

"..."

"...Hi there?" I ventured awkwardly.

"K-Kyaa!"

Her face flushed crimson as she hugged herself, arms crossing in an X. Her chest, squished by her arms, stood out even more, but I quickly averted my gaze to avoid trouble.

"W-W-W-What?! What just happened?!" she stammered, her voice trembling.

"If you don’t know, who does...?" I replied, bewildered.

"Ughhh...!"

Her face—cool and composed moments ago—crumpled, red with shock, tears welling in her eyes.

"It-It was my first time!"

Oh. Her first, huh.

"...You’re the one who did it, though?"

Why was she complaining to me? Anyone watching would think I’d kissed her first.

"I-I didn’t do it—the Divine Heaven and Earth..."

"The Divine Heaven and Earth? Why’d They suddenly—What happened?"

"Ughhh..."

She just huffed, unable to answer, and I started thinking.

Wait, isn’t this an opportunity?

Sure, the Divine Heaven and Earth had meddled, but she’d still made the first move. I wasn’t exactly pure, but that didn’t mean she could just assault me, right?

Let’s see how you like it.

Kiss aside, I decided to get payback for the spanking earlier.

Swish.

I adjusted my already-removed hood to fully expose my face, then covered my mouth with my hand. Putting on the frailest, most pitiful expression I could muster, I spoke—

"To steal my lips—an innocent stranger’s—and tangle tongues no less... Is that what someone serving the Divine Heaven and Earth does?"

"I-It wasn’t me—"

"If not you, then who? I felt your tongue ravage my mouth firsthand."

"Urghhh..."

Man and woman. The usual roles seemed flipped here, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to mess with her.

"I-It was my first time, okay?! It wasn’t your first!"

"So if it’s not my first, you can just molest me?! Is that what a Taoist says?!"

How she knew it wasn’t my first nagged at me, but I chalked it up to the Divine Heaven and Earth spilling it.

"Ugh... Urghhh..."

Had my words left her speechless? Tears brimmed in her eyes, ready to spill.

Have I teased her enough?

Seeing the woman who’d threatened and spanked me reduced to this felt oddly satisfying. Fine, I’d forgive her here. She’d just been a vessel for a moment—no point pushing it further and risking trouble—

"Fine, I’ll take responsibility!!!"

...Huh.

Wait.

That’s not what I meant.

"D-Don’t get the wrong idea!" she stammered, her voice frantic. "Taking responsibility doesn’t mean I like you or anything! Even if I don’t like you...! Even if it wasn’t my choice! I have to own up to what happened! It’s just to not shame Their name—nothing more!"

"No, hold on, calm down a sec—"

"But know this...! You might get other things from me, but never my heart! I’ll never forgive you...!"

"No, no, no, just calm down—"

"L-Listen! As a Kunlun Taoist, public marriage is off the table, but unofficial’s fine...! We don’t need a formal meeting anyway, so skip that—"

This was bad. She wasn’t hearing me. I’d teased her too far—her emotions were spiraling.

And what was with the parent jab? True, we didn’t need a meeting, but still—

"F-First, the gifts, right? No fancy trinkets—they’d get in the way—so simple rings. I like jade—"

Thwip.

"It was a joke, so stop. I don’t care that much."

I placed a hand on her shoulder, desperate to halt her.

I understood her panic, but this was overboard. She’d have named our grandkids at this rate—I had to stop her.

No matter how stunning she was—top-tier in the Central Plains—I had no plans to tie myself down while roaming the martial world. I’d be back in the mountains soon. A bond like this would only hurt us both.

And I don’t like this approach.

A loveless marriage like that? I’d refuse. I didn’t want just physical love—I wanted a connection of hearts too. A union with someone so openly resentful was worse than nothing.

And anyway, marriage over one kiss? I’d slept with someone and moved on right beside her—

...Thinking that made me feel like trash, but I was the victim here! Both times, I’d had no choice—forced into it.

"...What?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"It was a joke. No need to take responsibility."

"..."

She stared at my face for a long moment, processing my words.

"Grr...!"

Her already-flushed face turned beet red, like it might explode—

"J-Just you wait!! I’ll pay you back for this someday!!"

And she bolted out of the carriage. Before I could say a word, she leapt out, engulfed in blue lightning, and vanished.