Angel Monarch-Chapter 283: Lonely and Hopeless

Bea woke up in her room alone. On her arrival to Castleburg, she got a room assigned to the gigantic castle, which stood in the middle of the even larger city.

She didn’t just receive a room, but she got one of the dozen towers built atop the castle. Each had their own quarters, Otto and his brother, Victor, lived in ones, too.

Since her arrival a week ago, she still hadn’t met with Victor. She spent hours each day talking with Otto, her only friend.

She asked about Victor multiple times, but he never wants to meet. It’s not like he’s busy, but by Otto’s account, he’s very introverted, to the point he hates talking with any strangers.

Bea was perfectly fine with this. She presently avoided making new friends. The pain of losing everyone still stung. It left a void in her heart that only time could fix.

Therefore, she remained secluded inside her room. It was perfect, spacious, and lacked any people who could judge her.

A large living room, master bedroom, and three guest bedrooms, each with a private bath, constituted the space. There was also a large lounge and dining room below her apartment, which she never used.

Her favorite place by far was the balcony, which faced west. The sight was extremely beautiful, especially at night. The city extended to the horizon, its limits defined only by its massive walls.

On most days, she sat outside and watched the city. Sometimes birds flew towards her, and she grew seeds in her palm. The ravens happily flew on her lap, shoulder, arm, and even head, to devour the seeds.

Bea never questioned why so many ravens lived in Castleburg. Each day more came for seeds, and after a few days, Bea began feeling obligated to feed them. Some even brought jewelry, or other shiny items, as payment.

Taking care of the birds felt great, and therapeutic. She improved every day. Her guilt never went away, but she realized a while ago that hating oneself leads to nothing but despair.

She needed to accept her mistake, then get on with her life. She also needed to get past her feelings towards Sera, which was by far the hardest task of her life.

Luckily, Vicky began talking to her a few days ago, so she didn’t need to grieve the relationship with her daughter as well. The reason she contacted Bea bothered her a bit. Bran was the one who suggested that she should keep in contact.

Vicky spent an hour yesterday fawning on about how great Bran was. It hurt to hear, but Bea graciously supported her daughter.

It really annoyed Bea that she was simply incapable of hating Bran. He was a great person, someone who would support Sera without question. Even she started enjoying his company, before her banishment.

They devoted themselves similarly to Sera, but not fanatically, like Lilith, Faith, and Adam. There was a mutual, silent understanding between them, and even through their lacking conversations, their correlations were obvious.

Bea always woken up late in the past two weeks, but today she felt especially melancholic. She knew about the meeting between Otto and everyone else, including Sera.

Since Otto was away, she didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Because she was basically a tree spirit, she needed no food, or even water. She could just lie under the sun and gain sustenance.

The hours went by quickly. The sun rose and fell, but even then, Otto didn’t come. Bea cried herself to sleep multiple times that day, and to put salt into the open wound, Vicky sent a picture of her and Bran playing.

That picture broke her even more. When night came, and Otto still hadn’t arrived, Bea’s depression reached its height.

She only wore a loose brown dress, grown from her skin. She walked towards the balcony and stepped out into the cold, late winter air. The wind hit her lithe body, like a car. Castleburg was a windy city, which was especially strong atop the tower.

Without care, Bea walked to the railing that surrounded the balcony. She watched the city for a few moments before placing one of her bare foot on the railing. She kept her balance, as she placed her other foot as well.

She stood on the rails as the winds battered her body. Her brown hair and dress whipped around constantly, but Bea didn’t care. She just spread her arms and prepared to jump.

Behind her, a raven croaked, but she didn’t open her eyes. With a deep breath, she let go of all her troubles and stopped balancing herself.

When the next wind hit her, she instantly lost her footing, and began falling… Or at least that’s what she expected…

Right as her body left the railing, a firm hand caught the back of her dress. With no effort, the hand lifted her over the railing and back onto the balcony.

She quickly opened her eyes upon realizing she wasn’t falling. In front of her stood Otto with his usual smirk. "You know, that fall wouldn’t have killed you. Your regeneration is much stronger than even mine!"

Bea huffed and tried to move towards the railing again. "Then I guess I’ll just have to do it repeatedly until it works!"

As she was about to step back onto the railing, Otto’s hand caught her arm, pulling her back down. The smirk disappeared from his face, leaving only concern behind.

"What’s wrong, Bea? I thought you were feeling better… What happened?"

His voice sounded so worried and calm, Bea couldn’t help herself. She broke down crying. Her legs gave out under the constant pressure of anxiety and self-hatred, making her fall into his arms.

Without saying a word, Otto bent down and lifted Bea. He carried her into bed, where she continued to sob while clutching onto him, like he was her last lifeline.

She muttered something to Otto, but between sobs, it became incomprehensible. It took her well over an hour before she started making coherent sentences.

"What’s the point of living?… All my friends left me because of my stupidity… My daughter rather spend time with Bran, her new father, then me… She probably wants me to die, too… The love of my life, doesn’t even talk to me, because of a mistake…"

She turned and looked up at Otto. Her words caused him pain, but she ignored his feelings. Instead, she asked a simple question, "Why shouldn’t I kill myself?"

Otto couldn’t answer for a long time. He tried calming himself down, but eventually his emotions got the better of him. His gaze at Bea revealed something she could never have prepared for… Love and desire…

"You shouldn’t kill yourself, because I don’t want to lose you…" He said in barely a whisper, and with a choked voice.

"From the first moment I saw you, I felt this connection that I never felt before… Back then, I know I wanted you, but since you were happy with Sera, and pushed these emotions away… When you left with everyone to evolve, I wanted to kiss you goodbye, but held back…"

Bea’s mouth opened in shock as she listened to Otto. Out of everything she expected for him to say, a confession of love wasn’t even in her mind. But it made sense.

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She now understood why he helped her out, why he was always kind, why he flirted with her immediately after meeting again. Bea just thought about him as a good friend, but now she didn’t know what to think.

His behavior in the past wasn’t at all like in the past two weeks. Back then, two years ago, he simply stayed away from their group. Everyone thought he was simply a recluse. Even Sarah didn’t question his actions. But it was obviously just an excuse to stay away from her.

It must’ve pained him to see the person he loved act intimate with someone else. In fact, Bea knew exactly how it felt, since she saw and heard how much fun her daughter had each day with Bran. The pain was so unbearable, she would’ve rather killed herself than suffer it.

Otto must’ve felt the same way, but somehow he ignored and suppressed his feelings. What he did was honorable and kind, making Bea feel even worse about her previous attempt.

She was weak and selfish, thinking nobody would care if she was gone.

Bea stared at Otto curiously, waiting for his next words. He became silent for a few seconds, both gathering strength to continue and giving Bea a chance to interrupt. Only when he was certain she wouldn’t bolt did he continue.

"I want to be with you, Bea. When I saw all of you in Sera’s show of force, I was relieved to see my sister, but upon seeing you, I completely broke down… I wanted to run to you in that exact moment, but later convinced myself against it…"

Otto took a deep breath, which came out shuddered. His eyes turned teary as he talked. Enjoy more content from novelbuddy

"I wanted a good reason to be near you, and the siege was the perfect opportunity. But when I saw that other Seraphine heading towards you, I lost my mind. I wanted to burn her to ashes and lost control of my emotions, which nearly destroyed Rome…"

Bea sniffled and hid her face in Otto’s chest. He felt his shirt become wet under her face, and with one hand, he began gently stroking her hair.

"After Vicky teleported me away, and you placed your hand on me, I wanted you even more. The best part of these two years was when I finally saw you again… I even became hopeful when I heard that you and Seraphine were taking a break, but I never intended for any of this…"

As one more sob shook Bea’s body, she looked up at Otto with teary eyes. His hand, which stroked her hair, somehow made its way to her cheek, brushing away the falling tears.

"I know… I know you didn’t mean to put a wedge between me and Sera… That was purely my stupid decision, and I take full responsibility for it…"

Bea’s cheeks turned red, as she tried to say something else, but began stammering. After a few sentences, she turned silent, took a deep breath, and started speaking coherently.

"From all that happened, I never… I never regretted getting close to you… It might make me a bad person, but these two weeks made it clear how much you care about me… If… If you want to, we can try to be in a relationship… But nothing physical, I’m not ready to be with anyone for now…"

Otto’s eyes widened as his whole body shuddered. He was in shock for a few minutes, before his face split in to a wide grin, and he began laughing happily.

It was so ridiculous that even Bea’s awful mood turned for the better. A small smile appeared on her face as she hugged Otto.

They stay cuddling throughout the night. Neither said anything, but both felt perfectly comfortable. Every few minutes, Otto would start giggling and hugging Bea with even more love and care.

This was the first time in two weeks that Bea actually felt her life turn for the better.