(BL)Alpha Made-Chapter 274: We can’t let guilt win

"You’ve been out for almost 24 hours, Maxy. Of course I’ve eaten and gotten a shower since then." Andrew sniffed as he watched Maxwell process the words that he said. He seemed...shocked. He also looked delicate.

The bandaging job that Michael had done after Andrew had called him in a panic, coming out of his rut state to find Maxwell unconscious, cum staining the sheets, dripping out of him and his body worn and used, had really done a number on Andrew’s heart.

Michael had, thankfully, talked Andrew down from his panic. He had carefully explained that everything was going to be okay, he just needed to start by cleaning up Maxwell, make sure he was still breathing, keeping his body warm, and had talked him through attending to his wounds.

Neither one of them brought up Michael coming to the house. Both men knew Andrew was not stable enough to allow him near. Hell, Andrew was still sure that even a beta woman coming around would set him off, let alone an alpha male.

Michael had remained on the phone with him as Andrew cleaned up the bedroom, changed the sheets and tucked Maxwell in. He then talked Andrew through any of the other concerns he had, and let him know that he would let the rest of their families know that they were alright, Andrew had broken through the worst of his rut, and everything was okay.

Michael didn’t talk about how Andrew had confided in him that Maxwell had been full of cum. Andrew had no idea if Maxwell had been keeping up with the birth control pills, or if this had happened recently or not. It was a one thing at a time situation.

"Oh. I guess you really wore me out." Andrew felt his face twist at his joke. He hated to admit that it was a good one because he hated the idea that he had even remotely hurt Maxwell. He was bigger than the other man. The other man was his everything. He didn’t want Maxwell to be scared of him. It would break him.

"I-"

"If you apologise, I am going to get up, even if it kills me, and beat your ass." Andrew flinched at the true anger in his voice.

"But Max-"

"No, Andrew." Maxwell’s tone was firm. "Don’t you dare. We are partners. Just because I took more of pounding than you, does not mean that you get to wallow in self pity over it. I used you when I was in my heat. Maybe I didn’t mark you as much as you did me, but I certainly threw you around, didn’t I?" Maxwell’s gaze when Andrew met it was hard, calculating, pushing. Andrew swallowed, thinking back to Maxwell’s heat.

Yeah, he had been tossing him around like he wanted. There were several times he had almost not been able to use the cum tube because Maxwell had twisted him so quickly. He had also clawed him pretty good, and rubbed his cock all over his body.

Andrew gulped. His thoughts had started that he would rub his cock all over Maxwell, but he ended up just putting it in one spot. Maybe if he hadn’t been on such a single minded train of thought, Maxwell might be in better condition.

Andrew had felt such relief when he had come out of and realised that he hadn’t been able to bite Maxwell. It was clear that he had wanted to. He was glad that Maxwell hadn’t removed it, nor had he let Andrew.

Fuck, he was so glad that he had made sure that Maxwell had hidden the key from him. Maxwell had thought him silly when he had suggested it, but he was glad that he had. Who knew what Andrew could have gotten up to if he knew the location of the key for that collar. There would have been a lot more he would have had to apologise for.

"Maxy." Andrew started, a sick feeling brewing in his stomach. "I...the condom broke. I don’t know...I don’t know how many times I-" Andrew had to cut himself off as the first tear fell. "I’m sorry. I know you’re angry I’m apologising, but I need to. I’m sorry." Andrew watched as the tears fell onto the sheets, splattering before sinking into the silk.

"Baby." Maxwell’s voice held such concern for Andrew that Andrew flinched. "Baby, come here." Maxwell asked and Andrew sniffed. He crawled over him onto the bed and beside him. Maxwell looked at Andrew, his gaze soft. "Get under the sheets so I can hold your hand." Maxwell asked and Andrew did as he ordered. Maxwell’s hand squeezed his, the warmth of it making more tears pour from Andrew’s eyes.

Andrew watched as Maxwell’s eyes watered too.

"It’s okay." Maxwell said, sniffing. "It’s okay. I’m not upset. We did our best. We all knew the risks going into it. We aren’t ready, I’ll keep taking birth control every day until we can get a check up. At this point, if it took, it’s just a clump of cells. We can get rid of it. Neither one of us are ready, and that’s okay, Andy. It’s okay." Andrew felt heartbroken as Maxwell’s eyes spilled over.

"Why are you crying? You’re not the one who broke the condom." Andrew whispered and Maxwell sniffed.

"I had a role to play in this too, Andrew. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep up with making sure we were using condoms. I tried. I really did." Maxwell’s face twisted. "I really didn’t want to see this look on your face. I don’t want you to feel guilty. I’m sorry." Andrew’s heart ached as he came to realisation.

While cleaning up the house, he found out that there was a shocking truth that neither of them had been aware of. Well, Andrew was aware of it now, and he had discovered it while he had been on the phone with Michael.

"Max, we ran out of condoms." Maxwell froze. Andrew let out a wet laugh. "We did break the condom that was on me, but we ran out. We used...we used all of them." Andrew watched as Maxwell, his serious, kind, forceful partner came to terms with what Andrew had said.

"We used...all of them?" Maxwell confirmed. "Even the ones in the kitchen?" He confirmed and Andrew laughed.

"Yeah. All of them. This was...I don’t know how many times I came after the condom broke, nor when you passed out." Andrew couldn’t help it that guilt tinged his words. He still felt terrible that he went on for any period of time after Maxwell passed out. It felt...dirty. Wrong. He had hoped he would have stopped once he realised that, but apparently, he hadn’t.

Maxwell, clearly, wasn’t upset that Andrew had continued to use his body while he was unconscious, but it felt wrong. Maxwell could sue him. Hell, he should.

"Stop thinking. I can see that brain of yours making stupid choices, and I want you to stop." Maxwell grumbled, squeezing Andrew’s hand tightly under the sheets. Andrew swallowed. Maxwell’s eyes were still damp, the blue washing over him as Andrew stared at his face. God, his shoulders were swollen. What the hell had Andrew been thinking? Was he an alpha, or a damn vampire?

"I’m sorry. I just...I can’t help but feel guilty for continuing after you were unconscious. I know you’re going to be upset at me, but this feels...like sexual assault, Maxy. I just..." Maxwell’s sigh made Andrew flinch.

"Baby, it’s okay that you have feelings. I’m okay with that, but I want you to know that I feel guilty for making you feel that way." Andrew flinched. "I wanted to be strong enough to ride out all of your rut with you. I knew you would feel this way if I passed out. I tried to keep going, but my body just shut down. It’s okay. I’m sorry for letting you down." Andrew jerked up, sitting up as anger washed over him.

"You did nothing wrong! Anyone would collapse after a week of nonstop fucking. Your body was pushed to the limits, over and over. I can tell I wasn’t holding back. When I cleaned you...I can’t believe I left so many marks all over your perfect body. Fuck." Maxwell stared up at Andrew from where he was still lying back on the bed, before a grin split his lips.

"Wow. Andrew Knox is swearing. How cute." Andrew felt his face flush. "Andrew. We both are feeling guilty. Why don’t we agree that there are some things that didn’t go the way that we planned, but that we can’t keep beating ourselves up over it. It could taint our relationship if we do. I don’t want that, and I hope you don’t want that either." Andrew swallowed.

It was unusual for Maxwell to be this...agreeable, but then again, Andrew realised that was a privilege that was reserved for probably him and him alone. Shaking, his body rejecting that he just give this issue up, he nodded.

Maxwell was right. He didn’t want to hurt his relationship, and he could feel that they would probably argue about this in circles. He didn’t want to do that when the man was in such a terrible state. Andrew felt himself nod, and Maxwell gave him a warm smile.

"Okay. Now come cuddle with me. You were too busy pressing me into a pretzel or some other strange position to give me the attention I wanted." Maxwell told him and Andrew flinched, before going back under the sheets and carefully wrapping his arms around Maxwell. Maxwell surged towards him, forgetting his own injuries and wrapped his arms around Andrew.

He buried his face into Andrew’s chest, inhaling his scent before his body relaxed and he sighed. "Perfect." Maxwell muttered, before he drifted off to sleep again and Andrew felt his heart squeeze. That’s what Andrew should be saying, not Maxwell.