(BL)Alpha Made-Chapter 286: The insecurities of a man who has never dated

"I was so scared." Maxwell began, his voice thick and warbled from his tears. "I was so scared that something awful had happened to you. I thought my heart jumped out of my throat. Did I play it off okay? Did I look fine?" Maxwell asked and Andrew held him tightly, exhaling slowly.

"You looked like you were the perfect image of a CEO caring about his people." Andrew assured him. Maxwell let out a ’whoosh!’ of air from his lungs, squeezing Andrew with all his might.

"Oh good. I was going for that." Maxwell sounded a bit hysterical. It was then that he realised that Maxwell was releasing his pheromones. A lot of them. It wasn’t sexual in any sense, in fact, Andrew was sure that he was doing this to comfort himself.

Andrew glanced around the storage room and thankfully found a chair. It was an office chair, looking as if it was missing a wheel, and Andrew moved them until both him and Maxwell were sitting in it. Maxwell’s legs dangling over the edge of the armrest as Andrew held him in his arms, in his lap.

Andrew was at a loss. He knew that Maxwell wasn’t blaming Andrew for his reaction, but it was clear, especially after Dr. Liu’s questions that both Maxwell and Andrew had some lingering issues. She was right. They should see someone. Probably separately, maybe together if they needed to.

Andrew, on his own, was against going to see someone to heal the wounds he had. He was sure that alone he could figure it out. Look up some studies, you know, read all the books and figure it out somehow. It might not be in a healthy way, but he could do it. But, knowing that it also affected Maxwell to this extent?

That changed things.

He didn’t want Maxwell feeling anything near to what he felt. The stress, the loss of breath. It was the reason that Andrew had reacted so poorly when Maxwell had had issues about going to the Doctor. He didn’t mind holding Maxwell like this, as he was assuming Maxwell didn’t mind holding Andrew in the same way, but that didn’t mean he felt good about why he was crying.

He especially didn’t feel good because it made him feel like a burden to the other man. The last thing he wanted to be for this man. He loved him, he didn’t want to be a weight on his shoulders. He didn’t want to hold him back in the slightest. There was a reason he was attempting to go back to school.

It was partially for himself, partially for his Mom since he never finished, and the rest was for Maxwell.

Maxwell was curled into his chest, holding onto Andrew’s jacket tightly and Andrew’s chest squeezed.

"Oh Angel. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you." Andrew told him and Maxwell shook his head, rubbing his face against his clothes, his chest.

"No. Stop apologising. You did nothing wrong. It was that psycho bitch who did this, not you. You just were a pretty man that she wanted to corrupt, and you did nothing wrong." Maxwell’s words were hard to hear through his tears, but Andrew was able to decipher them. Andrew felt his lips turn up slightly.

Him? A pretty man? How flattering to hear that from the prettiest person he’d ever seen outside of his Mom. Hell, Andrew would never say it out loud, but Maxwell was probably prettier than his Mom.

That was never leaving his head, and it was never going to be brought up by Andrew. Andrew would ignore it if anyone asked him about it after this point. He knew his Mom would likely forgive him, but he didn’t want to think about the fallout of it if it got back to certain people. He wasn’t even sure if Maxwell would be happy about it.

"I’m pretty?" Andrew asked, a smile on his lips and Maxwell sniffed.

"Shut the fuck up. Of course you’re pretty. I like pretty things." Andrew’s cheeks creased with Maxwell’s slightly annoyed response. It was adorable, and he hadn’t seen this side of Maxwell in a while. The embarrassed, aggressive side that didn’t like to be vulnerable. Andrew tucked his head down, inhaling against Maxwell’s hair.

"Mm. Noted. Maxy likes pretty things. In that case, I have a really big weight on my shoulders. I have to pick out the perfect ring, don’t I?" Andrew said, trying to distract Maxwell from how upset he was. It worked. Andrew felt Maxwell stiffen in his arms.

"What?" He whispered. Quiet. Andrew let out a deep sigh.

"I’m going to have a huge task ahead of me. Everything will have to be custom, of course. Who knows how many carats? I’ll have to just find something that screams you. It’ll have to balance between being gaudy and being cute. I’ll need to figure that out." Andrew said, teasing the other man but Maxwell remained silent.

His arms around Andrew tightened and Andrew was worried for a second that his teasing hadn’t landed and that Maxwell was actually more upset, but he wasn’t yelling. He wasn’t making a scene. He was actually way more worried that the man was silent.

Finally, Maxwell let out a small, shuddering breath and pressed his face into Andrew’s throat.

"...I don’t need anything big." Maxwell’s voice was quiet, making Andrew want to hold his breath as he spoke. "I just...need something that marks you as mine and me as yours." Andrew melted.

Ah hell. What was he supposed to say to something that sweet? What could he say? He could feel the love for the other man overwhelm him.

"I love you." Andrew murmured, holding him close. "I love you so, so much. Whatever you want. Whatever you need. I have the means to do anything. I just want to support you, lift you up, make sure that you get everything you need." Andrew murmured and Maxwell let out a shaky breath.

"I want to do the same for you, Andy. I...I love you too. I just feel like I’m so bad at it." Maxwell said. He sounded like he was going to cry again. "I feel like every time I think I’ve got this relationship shit locked down, I slip and everything falls out from between my fingers." Maxwell admitted. "Why am I so bad at this?" It was an honest question. The kind that hurt asking, and hurt hearing.

"Oh baby." Andrew whispered. He held the smaller man. "You aren’t failing at this. There isn’t really a book when it comes to relationships. We’re doing just fine. We are. I can feel you looking at me in disbelief." Andrew told him and felt Maxwell tuck his face back down before Andrew could meet his gaze. "We just...also started this relationship after something traumatic happened to both of us. I was experimented on and fortunately or unfortunately, it worked, and you just...cared enough about me that you took my kidnapping very personally."

Maxwell let out another shuddering breath, but he didn’t speak after. Andrew chuckled.

"That’s okay. I actually don’t think Dr. Liu was out of line to bring it up. That wasn’t...I can’t pretend like that was a normal response. In fairness to me, who the hell would think that both Richard and I would manifest? Certainly not me." Andrew joked and felt Maxwell’s body shake with nervous laughter.

"Yeah. It is a little funny." Maxwell muttered and Andrew grinned.

"Certainly is. Our high school reunion is going to be a damn riot." Andrew joked and Maxwell nearly choked, before he nodded. "We’re doing okay, Maxy. We aren’t quite thriving, but we’re doing okay. That’s fine. I don’t feel like our relationship is slipping through either of our fingers. We’re just figuring out this new way we’re existing together. That’s all. We’re working towards a healthy, strong relationship." Andrew pressed a kiss against his temple. "There are going to be some bumps." He told him.

Maxwell shuddered, holding onto Andrew and Andrew could tell that his pheromone levels were going down. He was calming down. Andrew was providing some comfort to the other man. Good.

"I just wish that I was better at this. I’m supposed to be comforting you. You went through something traumatic today, and here you are, comforting me." Maxwell said bitterly. "Some great boyfriend I am." Andrew grumbled, squeezing Maxwell a little too tight.

"Hey. I have my pretty boyfriend in my lap, wrapped around me like a pretzel. What the hell do I have to complain about? This is the life. And, we’re both communicating our problems, our issues, and we aren’t bottling them up just to watch them explode. I think we are making great progress. This is comforting for me. You aren’t in a hospital, you aren’t physically ill. All you need is my comfort, and that is comforting for me." Andrew told him with a grin. Maxwell slowly raised his gaze, meeting Andrew’s smiling face.

Maxwell’s eyes were slightly red from crying, making the blue of his eyes pop. Damn. What a pretty man he was. A man that he could call his own. Maxwell’s pouty lips turned down in a frown.

"I’m sorry. I’ve gotten your jacket and shirt all wet." He said softly, apologising. God, he was adorable. Andrew bent, pressing a kiss against his cheek.

"You’re fine, Maxy. I love having you in my arms. Don’t you remember my rut?" Andrew asked and Maxwell’s frown turned down further, but colour touched his ears.

"It felt like you liked pressing me into the bed more than holding me." He complained and Andrew let out a shocked chuckle. Oh? He had thought he was more likely to hold the man and not let him go. He thought that all of those bite marks had come from him burying his face in his throat.

He wasn’t quite wrong, but he wasn’t quite right either. Apparently he’d gotten the angle wrong.

"Oh? Did you dislike it?" Andrew asked and Maxwell decided it was time that he left. His ears were burning, the colour sneaking up the sides of his face, turning his cheeks a beautiful red shade.

"I should go. Mr. Newman is waiting for me." Maxwell muttered. Andrew let the other man slip away, filing away the information he was learning.

Maxwell hadn’t hated it. Maybe he hadn’t enjoyed how often it had been, but he had liked some aspects of it if he was reacting like that. Mm, that mirror had probably helped. That was...exciting. Andrew was pleased to hear it. Now he needed to romance the moves instead of just thrusting in and out of him like a lunatic. He was sure that was what he had done during his rut.

"Alright. I’ll let you go. I don’t want to hold you back." Andrew meant it as a joke, but Maxwell turned, grabbing his face and forced Andrew to meet his gaze. His blue eyes were suddenly serious, even if his face was still tinged red.

"You are not holding me back. Wipe that stupid thought from your head. Even as a joke." He growled, before he glanced at Andrew’s lips, leaned in and kissed him quickly, then left with a huff.

Andrew remained seated in the chair until he started to laugh. Ah. What an adorable man.