[BL] Debut in Interstellar After Retiring as Grim Reaper-Chapter 200 - 199: Human

Chapter 199: Human

When Qin An woke up, the matters about the remains of the dead were already fixed by He Li’s team. Since the sea has no danger from the pollution, they were able to continue the search for the remaining victims and managed to retrieve them for analysis to confirm their identities and send it to their families.

After that, he also had some conversation with Xia Qianchen and others who offered him the tight security and privacy so he can continue the competition without any hindrance. They had already retrieved some necessary information about metaphysics and they just had to start trying the ways that were written there on what to do.

Su Jinxi will be the main participant in the research as she was the only one available for now. As for Shen Lou, his matters were also known by the Sheng family and he was asked if he wanted to continue the competition or just stay in the laboratory to join the research.

But different from Qin An who felt entangled doing both things, Shen Lou was decisive and chose to continue his dream as an idol.

Hearing his decision that had not any hesitation, Qin An was silent. He wanted to ask something to the young man so when they finished talking, he found Shen Lou in his room and saw him reading some documents about taoist.

"You’re here," Shen Lou noticed his arrival and let him inside.

"I want to ask something," Qin An stated his purpose.

"What is it?"

"I thought that you’d actually give up the competition." Qin An said and a faint confusion flash in his eyes. "Why did you choose to continue?"

Shen Lou’s brow raised at his question. "... should I?"

"I didn’t mean that way. It’s just, from the people that I met, they’ve always been thinking about how to help, even He Yan, right? So I thought that if being a taoist can help others, you will not continue the stage anymore. Isn’t being a taoist more powerful to help than being an idol?"

Shen Lou went silent for a second at his question and he thought that the latter was considering his words but in the next moment, Shen Lou lightly shakes his head.

"That’s true. But, I am not actually the type of person who is willing to devote my life for everyone."

Shen Lou presses a button and the virtual documents in front of him disappear. He faced him with a faint of seriousness on his face.

"Qin An, you must leave something for yourself."

"!!" Qin An was stunned by his words.

"Doing something for everyone doesn’t mean you have to give your all." Shen Lou added. "My family had devoted themselves to the army. Sacrificing their lives was actually easy for them because that’s what they want to live— that’s what I believed too. However, I am not like family."

Shen Lou sighs. "Going to the stage was actually not my intention at first. He Yan just wanted to go there and I followed. Being there was merely to accompany him." He continues.

"However, as I performed on stage, I gradually learned the enjoyment that I could feel that is unfortunately not inside the army."

Qin An tilted his head slightly. "Then is it more important?"

"Of course." Shen Lou nodded without hesitation. "Before taking care of others, what is most important is about yourself."

"..." Qin An didn’t know what to say about those words.

The most important thing is about himself?

Was choosing this job about himself? Qin An fell into deep contemplation. Ever since he took this job again, he thought he’s actually qualified to be a human. As they said, being a human means you have compassion for other people— the desire to help. To have empathy towards others and will not just think about yourself.

Thus, he accepted it. But now... hearing his words made him fall into confusion again. What is actually right?

"I don’t understand." Just like what happened in the past on the balcony, Qin An had also chosen to express his thoughts in front of Shen Lou.

"I thought by doing this... I can be considered a human now. Why is it contrasting to how everyone keeps on saying?" ƒгeewёbnovel.com

Shen Lou paused when he noticed the rare confusion on the young man’s face again. That was the expression that he saw when Qin An told him for the first time about that odd ’job’ that he must take again.

"Qin An, being a human is not easy but you can live it with what you want to do. As long as you see that choosing yourself does not mean being selfish and greedy. There are times that choosing yourself is better but what you did was for the people around, isn’t it? That was the most important."

"As long as it can bring joy and peace inside you— whatever choice it can be, that is how you live as a human and no one can dictate it to you other than yourself."

For the first time, Shen Lou gave him a gentle smile. "What you did is already enough to be qualified as a human, Qin An. So don’t doubt yourself again."

...

Qin An left the room with Shen Lou’s words stayed inside his mind. Because it was already late in the evening, the surroundings outside the laboratory were very quiet.

Qin An went to a bench and sat down. His words still lingers inside his mind right now. He didn’t know what to exactly feel at this moment.

Hearing those words from Shen Lou made his heart go heavy, not because of sadness but something that he didn’t know.

It felt heavy but did not make him feel burdened. Instead, it was a different weight... that his heart seems to want to carry.

He took a deep breath and was about to stand up to go back inside when he heard a light footstep behind him.

It was He Li.

The man made his way towards him and sat down beside him without a word. Qin An felt that he wanted to speak with him so he didn’t leave and just waited quietly.

"How are you feeling?" He Li asked after a moment of silence.

"I’m fine," he answered.

He Li nodded and the two engulfed in another silence again. Qin An didn’t know his intention but he knew that the man wouldn’t just sit beside him without a purpose.

He was about to ask directly but the man spoke again.

"I heard your conversation with Shen Lou." He Li confesses that it made him stunned? He heard it?

"I apologized for eavesdropping." He Li continued and he was just speechless and didn’t know what to respond.

"Why do you think that the Judge let you continue being a human?" He Li asked all of a sudden. The man turned his head slightly at him. "Even knowing that it will only weaken you as a grim reaper, have you thought why he chose not to change your body?"

"... because that’s what I asked him to fulfill at that time." Qin An answered after a brief silence.

"Do you think that’s it?" He Li raised his brow a bit. "If he only wanted you to become a grim reaper again, why complicate things? Or do you think he deceived you for fulfilling your wish but actually just putting it back to you again in just a blink?"

Did Qin An feel deceived? Of course, who wouldn’t

But looking back now, if the Judge didn’t let him do this job again, will something happen in this world? Will ghosts appear and will the pollution turn to resentment? If not, can this world truly find their cure?

"I think the Judge let you continue being a human, not just because you wanted it but because he believed that only by being like us can change you."

"!!!" Qin An was stunned at his bold remarks. He didn’t know He Li suddenly seemed to understand something from him.

"Only when you feel how we do can change yourself, not just to be a qualified human but also a proper grim reaper. Isn’t it?"

Qin An couldn’t help but turn his head and met the man’s eyes that were looking straight to his eyes.

"???" However, he was even more stunned when he noticed his eyes.

He Li is looking at him... as if he knew him as a grim reaper.

"Instead of questioning yourself, I think it’s better to just live to the present. All the emotions you feel are something that humans do."

Qin An didn’t respond to him and just continued staring so He Li resumed talking.

"Living for a long time as a grim reaper has been tough. Isn’t fighting with them tiring? You had just been constantly doing your job without a break so I think choosing what you want is fine. Mother told me about the videos with you and my brother and I honestly think that it’s much better than just being a grim reaper in the past." He didn’t know why but the man just started talking more. His words were clearly advising him but Qin An keenly noticed something different that made him slightly alerted. His eyes just narrowed a bit before asking the man directly about his thoughts.

"Do you know something?"

"... what do you mean?" He Li was confused by his sudden questioning.

"It’s impossible that you know me as a grim reaper. I just told you about some things about my identity but I didn’t tell you about my personal experience."

The atmosphere around them suddenly decreased as Qin An looked at He Li with suspicion and sharpness.

"Why do I feel like you know me, Marshal?"

*****

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