[BL] I Didn't Sign Up For This-Chapter 41: In Which the Tables Turn (And I Panic)

Author here: Please read this Chapter before Chapter 40 due to a posting mix-up. Thank you so much for understanding!

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I woke to a crash.

Not a gentle sound, not something that could be ignored, a full-body hitting the floor kind of crash that sent me bolting upright, heart hammering.

"Azryth?"

No response.

I threw off the covers, running toward his office where he’d been working.

He was on the floor.

Just... collapsed, face down, not moving.

"Azryth!" I dropped to my knees beside him, rolling him over, his skin was too cold, his breathing was shallow. "No, no, no. Come on, wake up."

Nothing.

Through the binding, I felt him barely, his presence was dim, flickering like a candle about to go out.

He’d overextended, used too much power during the fight, then pushed himself further while rebuilding the wards, redesigning security, maintaining protections.

He’d burned himself out.

And I’d let him, I’d gone to sleep while he worked himself into collapse.

"Azryth, please." My hands were shaking. "Wake up, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to..."

The binding pulsed, weak and desperate.

It was trying to draw energy from me, but I didn’t know how to give it.

All those energy transfers had been him to me, never the reverse, I’d never channeled power into him, I didn’t know how.

But I had to try.

I pressed both hands to his chest, right over his heart and closed my eyes, I felt for the warmth inside me that had become familiar over weeks of training.

The infernal energy. The power that was mine now, part warden, part demon, part something new that the binding had created.

"Come on," I whispered. "You’ve done this for me a dozen times, it’s just the reverse, just... push instead of pull."

I visualized it, the energy flowing from me into him, down my arms, through my palms, into his chest.

Nothing happened.

"Fuck!" I pressed harder, and focused harder. "I don’t know how to do this! You never taught me how to do this!"

The binding pulsed again, weaker.

Panic clawed at my chest, he was fading, he was actually fading and I couldn’t—

Wait!

The binding was already a connection, already a channel between us.

I’d been trying to push energy through my hands, through physical contact.

But we were connected deeper than that.

I stopped trying to force it, instead, I just... opened.

I opened myself to the binding, let it take what it needed, let it flow naturally instead of trying to control the direction.

The energy responded immediately.

It poured out of me through the binding, not violent, not forced, it was natural and easy like water finding its level.

I felt it reach him, his essence grasp onto it desperately, drinking it in, using it to stabilize and recover.

But it wasn’t enough, I had energy, but it was raw and unrefined, not the pure infernal power he needed.

Unless...

The binding had changed my energy and nade it compatible with his, what if I could change it further and make it more like what he needed?

I thought about his energy signature, the golden-amber warmth I’d seen when I read his aura, the ancient, powerful essence that had terrified and comforted me in equal measure.

I tried to shape my energy to match, to transform it from human-warden hybrid into something more purely infernal.

The binding helped, it took my intention and amplified it, showed me how to shift the frequency and adjust the resonance.

My energy transformed as it flowed through the connection, becoming what he needed, what he could actually use.

His breathing deepened, his skin warmed, the presence in the binding grew stronger.

"That’s it," I encouraged. "Come on, take what you need, I’ve got plenty."

I did have plenty, surprisingly, the binding was pulling from my reserves, yes, but also from something deeper, something that felt limitless.

The connection itself, the power that existed between us, not his or mine. Ours.

The binding had created a reservoir we could both draw from, I’d just never known how to access it before.

Azryth’s eyes opened, amber and unfocused.

"Riven?" His voice was rough. Confused. "What are you..."

"Shut up, I’m healing you." I kept the energy flowing. "You overextended yourself and collapsed, so now I’m doing the thing you always do for me. Just... let me work."

"You shouldn’t be able to.." He stopped, his awareness sharpening. "You’re channeling through the binding, transforming your energy to match my signature?"

"What, is that bad?"

"It’s advanced, it requires understanding of infernal energy matrices that takes decades to learn." His hand came up, covering one of mine. "How are you doing this?"

"I have no idea, I just knew you needed energy and I had energy and the binding connected us so I just... opened up and let it flow." I paused. "Am I doing it wrong? Are you getting worse? Because I can stop.."

"Don’t stop." His grip tightened. "You’re doing it perfectly, the energy you’re providing is exactly what I need."

"How much more do you need?"

"I’ll tell you when to stop, keep going."

So I kept the channel open, and the energy flowing, I watched color return to his face, felt his presence in the binding grow from flickering candle to steady flame.

Minutes passed, my own reserves were depleting now, I could feel the drain, the exhaustion creeping in.

But I didn’t stop, I couldn’t stop, not until he was okay.

"Riven." His voice was stronger now. "That’s enough, you’re depleting yourself."

"You’re not stable yet."

"I’m stable enough, and you’re about to collapse yourself." He sat up slowly, but under his own power. "Stop the flow gently, don’t just cut it off or you’ll shock your system."

I tried to gentle the flow, reduce it gradually instead of stopping suddenly.

The binding helped again, it showed me how to taper off, how to close the channel without causing damage.

The energy flow stopped, and I slumped, suddenly aware of how exhausted I was.

Azryth caught me, pulling me against his chest.

"You idiot," he said, but his voice was warm. "You gave me too much, you nearly drained yourself completely."

"You collapsed, what was I supposed to do?"

"Call for help, use the emergency protocols, not attempt advanced infernal healing you’ve never been trained for."

"The emergency protocols take time, and you didn’t have time, stupid." I looked up at him. "And apparently I have been trained, the binding taught me and showed me what to do."

His expression was complicated. "The binding shouldn’t be able to teach technique, it can transfer knowledge, yes, but active instruction and guiding energy transformation in real-time?" He touched my face. "That requires sentience, intention."

"Are you saying our binding is alive?"

"I’m saying it’s more than I thought it was, more than any binding I’ve studied." He pulled me closer. "You saved my life again, that’s becoming a concerning pattern."

"You’ve saved mine at least six times, I’m just evening the score."

"This is different, I’m supposed to be the powerful one, the protector, the one with centuries of experience." He sounded almost annoyed. "And you just performed healing that should be impossible for someone with your training level."

"So I’m a quick learner, sue me."

"I’m serious, Riven. What you just did, transforming your energy signature to match mine, channeling through the binding with that level of control, knowing exactly when to stop, that’s not beginner level. That’s not even intermediate."

"Maybe love is a good motivator." I rested my head on his shoulder. "You were dying, the binding was panicking, I just... did what felt right." 𝗳𝗿𝐞𝕖𝘄𝗲𝕓𝗻𝚘𝚟𝕖𝐥.𝚌𝕠𝕞

"Love as a motivator," he repeated quietly. "Yes, I suppose it would be."

We sat on his office floor, both exhausted, both recovering, wrapped around each other.

"You scared me," I admitted. "When I found you collapsed, when I felt you fading through the binding, I thought..."

"I know." His arms tightened around me. "I felt your fear, it’s what pulled me back, it made me hold on long enough for you to channel the energy."

"Don’t do that again."

"Don’t overextend myself protecting us?"

"Don’t overextend yourself alone, if you need more power, tell me, let me help. We’re supposed to be partners, remember?" I pulled back to look at him. "That synchronization thing during the fight worked because we worked together, but you can’t work together if you’re trying to handle everything yourself."

He was quiet for a moment, then: "You’re right, I’m used to operating alone, carrying everything myself and trusting no one." His hand cupped my face. "But that’s not our dynamic anymore, is it?"

"No, it’s not."

"I’ll try to be better about asking for help with sharing the load." His thumb brushed my cheekbone. "Though watching you channel healing energy while looking at me with that fierce, terrified expression was remarkable. You’re remarkable."

"I’m exhausted."

"Same." He stood, pulling me up with him. "Come on, we both need actual rest."

We made it to the bed barely, both of us were running on fumes.

Azryth collapsed onto the mattress with significantly less grace than usual. I fell beside him.

"This is undignified," he muttered.

"This is exhaustion, we just fought thirty-five spirits and then you collapsed and I healed you, dignity can wait until tomorrow."

"Fair point."

We didn’t bother changing clothes, we just pulled the covers up and immediately tangled ourselves together.

Through the binding, I could feel us both recovering, the energy we’d shared settling, redistributing and finding balance.

"The binding is definitely getting stronger," Azryth said, his voice already drowsy. "The way it guided you through the healing, the reservoir of shared power, the synchronization during combat."

"That’s cool, isn’t it? I can always rely on the binding most times from now on."

"But we’re becoming something more than two separate entities connected by magic." Azryth said, sounding concerned but happy.

"That sounds ominous."

"It’s actually quite beautiful, if terrifying." His hand found mine under the covers. "We’re creating something new, a partnership that transcends normal binding dynamics."

"Because we love each other?"

"Hmm, because we chose each other despite the binding and circumstances, we chose this." His grip tightened. "That makes all the difference."

I was fading fast, exhaustion pulling me under, but I managed: "I love you."

"I love you too. My fierce, impossibly talented, accidentally powerful partner."

"That’s a mouthful."

"You’re a complicated person, you require a complicated descriptor."

"Go to sleep."

"Only if you sleep too."

"Deal."

We fell asleep like that, wrapped around each other, energy still flowing gently between us through the binding.

Recovering together.