(BL) Mafia Love; He who falls the hardest loses-Chapter 131: Envy

He rose and pinched the man’s chin lightly and lifted his head. When their gaze met, he smiled, "Why are you apologising?"

Hiroshi’s eyes widened obviously unable to believe what Haruki said. "I . . ." he began but stopped when Haruki released his chin. He picked up his laptop and walked to the sofa.

"I used to hate it but I don’t think I hate it as much anymore," Haruki voiced his observation. "Maybe because it is coming from you?" Now sitting comfortably on the sofa, Haruki continued what he was doing.

"Why did you hate it?"

"What man loves being called beautiful?" Haruki glanced at the doctor and asked casually.

"Me?" Hiroshi sat down beside Haruki and adjusted himself until he was comfortable.

"My aunt’s husband once said I was selling my body because I was beautiful," Haruki stopped working and leaned backwards as he narrated. "They also thought I was an easy target because of my appearance, it has not necessarily, being a good thing for me. I don’t think it is a compliment I appreciate."

Hiroshi hearing Haruki’s explanation felt his heart race. This was different from that night when he asked Haruki. This time, Haruki chose to tell him without a deal.

He wanted to know more about Haruki and the fact that Haruki seemed to be in the mood to go on with the conversation considering he hadn’t picked up his laptop again to continue his work, Hiroshi moved closer to Haruki until he touched his arm and said, "I never meant anything bad."

"I know you didn’t that’s why I accept the compliment from you although I don’t like it."

Hiroshi nodded in understanding. A man as beautiful to behold as Haruki was stripped of the opportunity to enjoy such a sincere compliment by a bunch of idiots, he felt the need to avenge the man whose shoulder he was leaning on.

"You know . . ." Haruki began. Hiroshi raised his head from his shoulder and sat cross-legged on the sofa and nodding to Haruki to go on. "My mother, was very beautiful. I have never seen anyone as pretty as she was."

Looking at the face of the man before him, Hiroshi could only believe the words Haruki said. He was certain he could never find anyone as beautiful as Haruki is on the planet from either gender. There was something about him that could never be replicated or rivalled.

Haruki smiled dreamily and said, "Sometimes, I wonder how she could be my grandfather’s daughter but when I finally saw my grandmother’s picture, I finally understood why my mother was so pretty.

"She was also very majestic like a noble. All the mums in kindergarten respected her when she did nothing, no one dared to bully me then. All the kids in class wanted to be my friend, they all thought I was cute.

"Then . . ." Haruki paused and moved his gaze away from the man whose eyes were fixed on him. He sighed, "Then she died and it felt as though I lost everything. I lost my home, my parents, my peace, and my joy, everything my parents were diligent enough to let me experience."

Haruki spoke calmly yet every syllable carried the heavy weights of loss. The rawness of the emotions Haruki was showing Hiroshi unrestrained was met with total understanding from Hiroshi who had also experienced such loss at a young age.

"I still remember that day, we had gone to the amusement park to celebrate my birthday as I had requested. I was tired but the thrill of the day kept me talking through the ride. My mother . . . she turned to look at me when I told her a joke, she looked very beautiful smiling just in time for everything to come to an end.

"I was so proud of my joke after all, it made my mother laugh. There was something about her hearty laughter that always made me in constant need for more of it. It was raining hard that evening when the car came to a stop and both of my parents were dead while I was left with no scratch."

Haruki’s voice scraped out of his throat with the memories of that night flooding his mind. His tone raw and uneven, like it had been dragged across the road his parents’ blood mingled with the constant outpour of water as though the firmament understood his pain and cried along with him.

"I lifted the rest of my life wishing I had died along with them that night. Life was difficult in my aunt’s house, the satisfaction I once knew as a child pampered by my parents was gone from that night and I had to learn how to tiptoe around to avoid stepping on a landmine.

"One mistake and I would get slapped, beaten or insulted by either my cousins or uncle. The children who had once watched me with envy when my father brought me over to visit his sister, now hated me so much that I know the law was the only thing that kept them away from killing me.

"I would have had some freedom at school if we were not in the same school. My appearance became a bane to my existence the older I got. Their minds filled with so much evil had nothing nice to say or think whenever they saw me.

"Insults . . . disdainful gazes . . . it was as though even the teachers thought of my presence as an unnecessary nuisance. A boy prettier than any girl in the school. Even the girls hated me. They must have thought of why I had to have such beauty I didn’t need."

Hiroshi watching the man speak to him with such transparency even without being urged felt the need to show Haruki he cared, to assure him but he was scared that interrupting would make Haruki snap out of his thoughts and stop speaking.

He could see Haruki was pouring everything out to him as though tired of carrying the unnecessary weight and he was more than willing to allow Haruki to release it all until he was willing to stop so he waited and listened attentively.

"I was the errand boy, the one left with most of the cleaning work, the one tripped and laughed at . . . It continued that way until my grandfather came for me. I was at death’s door and I will always be grateful that they came that day or I might have gone home ignoring my pain.

"Maybe if I did that, I might have died."

Hiroshi could not hold back anymore. He hugged Haruki and rested his forehead on Haruki’s shoulder. The man’s scent filled his nose, the warmth where their bodies touched, the gentle rise and fall of Haruki’s chest, all these were signs that the man in his arms was alive.

"I am sorry you had to go through all that. The jealousy of humans is one of the cruellest emotions. They all allowed their jealousy to eat at them that they were unwilling to help you when you needed it."

Haruki smiled looked down at the man whose voice was low and sharp. Knowing that the man was angry for him, he laughed. "I am actually grateful that none of them came to my rescue. That was the major reason I chose to go with my grandfather."

"If you hadn’t, we might have never met," Hiroshi recognised.

"Maybe we would have met through Aki but I wouldn’t be powerful today. I love the power I have and I would not trade it for a useless act of sympathy from one of those bystanders." Haruki’s voice steadied the weight of his words leaving no room for argument.

Hiroshi could see that the past seemed to have no power over Haruki. Haruki spoke with clarity, it was obvious he had no unresolved feelings about what happened to him.

Hiroshi rubbed his head against Haruki’s shoulder and pressed his face against Haruki’s neck.

Haruki could not hold back a soft laughter as he settled into a comfortable position snuggling with the doctor. A weight he had carried for years was simply offloaded like a cargo. It was as though his ship had finally sailed to the shore it belonged to.

Those thoughts conflicted with his plans and his past principles but since the baggage that created the principles no longer existed, he saw no need to hold onto the principles. Love?

He swallowed hesitant to let his thoughts go in that direction but he was certain that he wanted to renew the contract with the man.

Speaking with Hiroshi opened his eyes to the fact that his past self didn’t deserve the actions directed toward him and those around him were the ones troubled. They hated him so much for having something they knew they could never attain.

Those boys and girls who had looked down on him were trying so hard to get him to attend their student reunion which he rejected without hesitation. They didn’t deserve his presence then and even now and they would never.

The fact that he could remember his parents with so much joy in his heart despite the pain of his loss was something he had not done in the past. It was something he could experience when he was right before death’s door yet he remembered speaking about his parents proudly with more joy than sadness.