Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 167: Nothing to Hide

William blinked once, twice, trying to clear away what he was seeing. But her belly wasn’t going away. It wasn’t that his eyes were deceiving him.

Fuck. No. No.

He suddenly felt like there was a boulder on his chest and a hand around his throat, choking off his air when all he wanted to do was scream. William dragged his eyes back to Camilla’s face, which looked just as shocked at his reaction.

"William..." she rasped as she stared at him. She tried to smile but it couldn’t hide the fear in her eyes.

"What is the meaning of... of this?" William barely recognised his own voice, taut with tension. He gestured vaguely at her belly but refused to put a name on what he could see.

Camilla’s smile wavered. "I’m...I mean we...we’re having a baby."

"Is it mine?"

His cold words wiped her smile away immediately and replaced it with a wounded look. "Of course it’s yours! What are you accusing me of?" Camilla took a deep breath and then lowered her trembling voice. "He or she will be born within the month."

William just stared at her, feeling his body start to tremble with barely suppressed emotions. Shock, disbelief, denial and terror all roiled through him, but they were all quickly dwarfed by fury. Hot, churning, ugly fury.

What the fuck is she doing to me, he asked himself desperately? Why is she looking at me so expectantly, as if she thinks I should be happy?

Doesn’t she understand that this is a fucking nightmare? Does she really understand so little about me?

"I wrote to you, to tell you." Camilla said softly, watching him as he tried and failed to get his shaking frame under control.

"Don’t lie." William hissed back.

She shook her head. "I swear, I’m not lying. I wrote you at least three times to tell you I was with child. I never heard back from you so I didn’t know if you received any of my letters."

"I only received one." William clenched his jaw. "It never mentioned any of...this." He cast back his mind to that day, how happy he’d been to get her letter, even though it had been tattered and obviously delayed. How he’d carefully, almost reverently, folded the parchment and treated it like his most cherished possession throughout the rest of the war.

He’d had no idea what she’d left unsaid in it. What a fool he’d been then.

Camilla slowly swung her legs over the edge of the bed and then rose to her feet. She reached a small hand towards him, but William immediately took a step backwards as if her touch would burn him. His eyes stared fearfully at her rounded belly, which looked so incongruous with the rest of the slender, beautiful figure he remembered.

Her eyes clouded with hurt at his reaction and she dropped her hand, watching him take another step backwards.

"If you just said...within the month - then you knew, didn’t you?" William’s lips struggled to push through the words as his mind quickly counted backwards. "You knew about this before I departed north?"

Camilla slowly nodded, her eyes beginning to well up as she realised he wasn’t happy. He’d never be happy with any of this.

"And you didn’t think to tell me?"

"I tried." she whispered.

"I see. Obviously not fucking hard enough!" William knew he should keep his voice down for the benefit of the ladies in the presence chamber next door. But he couldn’t have cared less who heard him, not even if it was the queen herself.

He was almost blind with fury and every single person in the goddamn palace was going to hear it. "Why didn’t you tell me?"

"Because I was afraid you’d react exactly like this!" Camilla’s face crumpled like a little girl’s. "At first I wasn’t sure. I thought I was just misreading the signs. And when I finally knew and wanted to tell you, my uncle invaded and you were gone. I tried to tell you those last couple of days but you never had a moment alone."

"You should’ve tried harder, then!" William yelled.

"Really? Why?" Camilla squared her shoulders and wiped the start of tears away from her eyes. "So you could have shouted at me like this? What’s done is done now."

William glanced around frantically at the comfortable familiarity of their bedchamber, where he and Camilla had spent so many happy nights. It felt like the walls were closing on him now, making him feel like a caged animal. "So that’s it then? I’m trapped. Is that what you’re saying?"

"No! I never wanted you to find out like this. But this isn’t a tragedy, my love. This baby is a blessing. We can be happy-"

William huffed out a laugh. "You can’t seriously mean that. Knowing what you know about me, about my past and how fucking miserable I was growing up. How much my father and I hated each other. You can’t seriously think I’ll ever be alright with this!"

"It wouldn’t be like that." Camilla’s tears had started again, streaking her lovely face. "It would be different with us. We would be different! Listen to me-"

"No." William looked at her as if she were a complete stranger, feeling his heart ice over.

Who was she? Who had she become in the last half year? How could she do this to them and their happiness?

"You need to get rid of it." His voice was dull as he glared down at her.

"What are you talking about?" Camilla’s mouth dropped open, stark fear in her eyes as she wrapped her hands over her belly protectively. The simple gesture made William’s fury rise to new heights.

"I’m giving you a choice. Me or...that." He refused to say the word and call it a baby. It was simply a problem to be dealt with. "So choose."

"What kind of choice is that? I love you both." Camilla’s voice was thin. "Are you trying to break my heart?"

"I told you. Choose." William replied mercilessly. "And if you choose me, go to Tession right away and ask for his aid. He probably has some kind of tonic to fix this, something that will help-"

"What? My lord, William!" Camilla shrieked. "What kind of terrible sin are you even suggesting?" She staggered backwards as if he’d slapped her face.

A small part of him was sorely tempted to, William realised with a stab of shame. He kept his fists at his side, clenching and unclenching.

Under his glare, Camilla started sobbing openly. Part of him felt his heart thud painfully at the sight of her distress. The other side of him was determined to feel nothing.

"Listen to me, please. It doesn’t have to be like this! We wouldn’t repeat the mistakes your father made with you." Camilla’s voice quavered. "I know you’re scared and so am I. But I promise we can-"

"I’m not scared! I simply don’t want a fucking child!" William yelled without restraint, hating her for driving him to such rage. "I never have and never will! And since you’ve clearly chosen...it...over me, stop trying to persuade me than this is anything but a disaster for us! Goddamnit!" He looked around the room for an object to break and crush.

To crush into dust, the same as his heart.

Camilla choked back her sobs as she looked at him. "You’re talking about an innocent child, our own flesh and blood."

"You will love him or her more than you could love me." William dropped his voice to an emotionless whisper. There, he had just put words to his deepest, darkest fear.

Camilla blanched white at the ugliness of his truth. "You’re wrong, William. The love for our child is completely different from what I have for you-"

He raised his hand to stop her words. "Don’t bother trying to deny it." William suddenly felt exhausted, the joy he’d felt all day up until a few moments ago, snuffed out like a candle. "We both know it’s true and now we both have to live with the consequences."

"Please-"

"I only ever wanted to be us two, just us together. Why wasn’t that enough for you? I told you that dozens of times and yet you still want to bring someone between us." William blew out a breath slowly, bowing his head in defeat. "So be it."

He had nothing left to say, so he turned to walk out of the room. As he placed his hand on the doorknob, William cast one final look at his wife.

"I never thought, after what Richard did, that I’d ever feel such betrayal again." he murmured, his voice rough with grief and bitterness. "But this kind of betrayal, coming from you of all people, is so much harder."

He watched Camilla place her hand, the one with his sapphire ring on it, over her streaming eyes as she began to cry again. Then William stepped out of the room and quietly closed the heavy door behind him.