Future Pet Shop-Chapter 49: Help! Hah’Er Is on a Drunken Rampage

"Holy crap, Cheeky! Hah’Er got out and you didn’t say a word!" Shen Yibin nearly had a heart attack. Hah’Er was so unsteady he could barely stand. What if he fell down the stairs? Shen Yibin sprinted to the staircase and swept Hah’Er into his arms, finally letting out a small sigh of relief, feeling incredibly lucky. 𝐟𝕣𝕖𝐞𝐰𝕖𝚋𝐧𝗼𝚟𝐞𝕝.𝗰𝐨𝐦

"He woke up and wanted to find you. He seemed fine, so I didn’t call you," Cheeky said in an innocent tone. "Doesn’t this silly panda help you clean up every day?"

’Today is different! This guy is drunk!’ Shen Yibin roared internally, but he didn’t dare say it out loud. Anyway, Hah’Er was fine now, and if it came to an argument, he probably wasn’t Cheeky’s match. Better to just suck it up for now.

Ignoring Cheeky, Shen Yibin rubbed Hah’Er’s head. "Hah’Er, how about you go back to sleep, okay? I’ll be done cleaning in just a minute, and then I’ll come up and stay with you."

"You haven’t finished your practice for tonight," Cheeky interjected. It was hard to tell if it wanted Shen Yibin’s singing to improve or if it just wanted to see him make a fool of himself.

"Ngh~" Hah’Er also shook its head repeatedly, wobbling as it stood up straight. It stretched out a paw and pointed at the cleaning tools in the middle of the hall. It looked like it wanted to help Shen Yibin finish the job, just like the past few days.

"Not today, buddy. Look, there’s only a little bit left. I’ll be done in a jiffy, really." Shen Yibin didn’t dare agree. The panda wasn’t in its right mind, and who knew what kind of trouble it would get into? But the drunk Hah’Er was exceptionally stubborn. No matter what excuse Shen Yibin came up with, it just kept shaking its head, refusing to go back to sleep.

"Sigh, fine. If you don’t want to sleep, just stay down here with me." Now that it was awake, Shen Yibin didn’t dare leave it alone in the bedroom. Even with Cheeky watching, it wasn’t reliable. So, he carried Hah’Er down to the first floor. Given how the little guy was swaying and wobbling, he definitely couldn’t let Hah’Er walk down the stairs on its own.

Once they were on the first floor, Shen Yibin had just put Hah’Er on the ground when it wobbled to the middle of the hall, picked up a broom, and got ready to sweep. But under the influence of alcohol, its paws clearly wouldn’t obey. A swipe left and a swipe right not only failed to gather the trash but scattered it everywhere, rendering all of Shen Yibin’s hard work useless.

"Ngh~" Hah’Er let out a drunken hiccup and scratched its big head, completely oblivious to what had gone wrong.

"Why don’t you go rest on the sofa? I’ve got this, I’ve got this." ’Alright then, I’m not letting you do it anymore. If this keeps up, I won’t get any sleep tonight.’

This time, Hah’Er didn’t refuse. It hugged Shen Yibin’s leg on its way to the sofa, then climbed up and lay down. After settling it in, Shen Yibin started cleaning the room again. But as he swept, he felt something was wrong behind him. He turned around and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Hah’Er had been on the sofa just a moment ago, but now it was climbing the decorative pillar next to it! Not only was Cheeky unconcerned, but it had flown over to cheer Hah’Er on. "A little higher, a little higher!"

"Cheeky! What in the world are you doing?!" Shen Yibin was on the verge of tears. He sprinted to the base of the pillar to spot Hah’Er.

"Uh, it’s a panda’s instinct to climb trees. Since your house doesn’t have any trees, it’ll have to make do with the pillar," Cheeky said innocently, showing not a hint of guilt.

But Hah’Er was drunk today! He watched as Hah’Er climbed higher and higher, already past his head. Any higher and it would be touching the ceiling. Shen Yibin had no time to argue with Cheeky; he quickly reached out to grab Hah’Er and pull it down.

"Ngh~ Ngh~" The normally well-behaved Hah’Er was extraordinarily stubborn when drunk. It clung to the pillar for dear life with its front paws, refusing to come down, while its hind paws kicked desperately at Shen Yibin’s hands. No matter what, it was determined to get to the top.

"Hah’Er, I poured something for you. Come on down and have a drink." Seeing that force wasn’t working, Shen Yibin resorted to another tactic. He supported Hah’Er’s waist with one hand while his other hand reached for the juice on the coffee table and poured it into a cup.

"Ngh! Ngh!" The moment it heard something being poured, Hah’Er seemed to recall the wonderful taste of beer. It immediately let go with its paws and slid right down to the floor, giving Shen Yibin a huge fright.

"Here, drink some juice to sober up." ’Uh, does juice actually help with that? I just remember you get a dry mouth when you drink too much, so drinking something has to be good, right?’

It picked up the cup and sniffed. Realizing it wasn’t the beer it had expected, Hah’Er looked a little disappointed. However, after Shen Yibin’s interruption, it seemed to have lost interest in climbing the pillar. Instead, it wobbled to the middle of the hall, stretched its paws, twisted its waist, and... did it look like it was about to dance?

By now, Shen Yibin had almost finished cleaning. Seeing this, his interest was suddenly piqued. He immediately whipped out his phone and started recording. ’Next time you want a drink, I’ll show you this. We’ll see if you still have the nerve to ask then!’

"...One step, two steps, one step, two steps... step by step like a creeping claw, like the devil’s shuffle... Scrape, scrape, scraping on this slippery floor... like the devil’s shuffle... One step, two steps, one step, two steps... step by step like a creeping claw, like the devil’s shuffle... Scrape, scrape..." That troublemaker Cheeky, who loved nothing more than stirring the pot, simply flew to the cage next to Hah’Er and started providing musical accompaniment, singing a viral hit with an overwhelmingly strong beat.

To Cheeky’s accompaniment, Hah’Er seemed to find its groove. Its two padded paws scraped back and forth across the floor, its dance rhythm perfectly in sync with Cheeky’s singing.

’I’m speechless. I’m posting this video on Weibo tomorrow. If it gets less than ten million views, I’ll livestream myself screwing a fan!’ Tears streamed down Shen Yibin’s face. ’What kind of pair of goofballs am I raising?’

While Shen Yibin was at his wits’ end, Hah’Er and Cheeky were having the time of their lives. After the scraping dance concluded, Cheeky launched into another viral hit—"The boundless horizon is my love, at the foot of the rolling green hills the flowers bloom..."—while Hah’Er shook its butt and belly. Then, they followed up by breaking into the horse-riding dance to Cheeky’s rendition of "Oppa Gangnam Style."

Eventually, even the other pets got riled up, jumping and screeching in their cages, adding to the noisy chaos. Thankfully, the owners of the two neighboring shops didn’t sleep in their stores at night, or they would have definitely come pounding on Shen Yibin’s door.

The chaos continued until ten o’clock at night, when Hah’Er seemed to finally run out of energy. It lay on the floor, panting, and started to snore. Only then did the shop finally become quiet again.

’It’s finally over.’ Shen Yibin let out a long sigh of relief. He picked Hah’Er up again, carried it back to the bedroom, and wiped the sweat from its body with a dry towel, watching as it drifted off to sleep.

But even so, Shen Yibin didn’t sleep soundly that night. He kept getting up to check if Hah’Er was still in bed, terrified that it would wake up in the middle of the night and cause another huge ruckus.