I Became a Raid Boss-Chapter 232: Confession (4)

In Earth, there are not no cases where children who have not yet reached adulthood go to the battlefield.

Children soldiers, also called "boy soldiers," who take up guns and swords at an immature age.

Even when looking a bit back in history, it is something often seen, and despite human rights awareness and children's rights taking root in modern times, it hasn't disappeared completely.

Especially in regions where religious and ethnic conflicts are rampant, it was common to abduct, imprison, and brainwash children, using them as cannon fodder and sexual objects.

The story of soldiers agonizing over whether or not to pull the trigger while aiming a gun at a child has become widely known, making countless people angry and sad.

When people get angry and sad after hearing the story, it is a clear sign that they feel sympathy for it.

There are many tragic stories in the world, but the reason people feel sorrow for the death of a child is perhaps because a life that has not yet fully bloomed is tragically cut short.

And now, Yerim, who is looking at Kana, feels the same way.

‘Poor child.’

The day Yerim unexpectedly met Kana at Da-eun’s house...

Even though they were not even close to being good parents, it must have been someone to rely on for a child who had not even entered elementary school.

After losing their parents at a young age and wandering around, it seemed like Kana was miraculously adopted by a kind stepfather and lived happily. However, that happiness did not last long.

Of course, Yerim did not know the full truth up until that point, and there were many aspects of her thoughts that were far from the facts.

However, that alone was enough to make Yerim feel sympathy for Kana, and as she watched Kana being gently stroked by Da-eun, Yerim thought to herself.

She wanted to show this child the warmth of a family.

Since Yerim was also a mother herself, Kana's past deeply saddened her.

But then—

When she first encountered the truth, revealed due to recent events in Seoul, Yerim was utterly shocked.

What she had thought was a poor child with a sad past turned out to be an NPC from a game Da-eun used to enjoy, who had come to Earth to save it after being asked by a god from another world.

It was unbelievable at first, but the continuous chatter forced Yerim to confront the reality.

Once she learned about Kana’s hidden past...

And when she saw his face calmly revealing it, Yerim felt:

‘This child is more broken than I thought.’

Values change depending on the era and culture, but even considering that, Kana's attitude in revealing his past was not normal.

Moreover, it seemed that his lack of expressing emotions was also influenced by his past.

‘Every world is equally cruel.’

With a heavier heart, Yerim patted Kana’s head.

"You must have had a hard time."

...A hard time, huh.

Honestly, it’s true that my life hasn’t been smooth.

It’s not like that now, but the reason I hated my name when I was younger was probably because my parents gave me that name while babbling nonsense about being a Canary in a mine.

It’s laughable that they died before me, though.

And after my parents died, what was life like?

I wandered alone, joined a group of vagrants, and lived in back alleys.

Digging through trash to avoid starvation was a common thing, and getting beaten and having coins snatched was part of my daily routine.

Well, to be honest, it was rare to actually find coins, so it wasn’t really an everyday thing.

Anyway, I lived like that until a monster attack turned everything to ruin.

I thought I was dead, but then I was saved by my dad.

I peeked into my dad’s room and became the dragon’s favored human...

I discovered my talent, joined the knight order where my ★ 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ★ dad was, and in the end, I killed the empire’s sage with my own hands.

If I had to sum up my life in four words, I’d say it’s:

‘Eventful.’

For people here, it would seem like an unusual life.

But in Grasis, where I used to live, "unusual lives" were common.

Knowing that, I didn’t feel my life was especially unfortunate.

Did I throw myself into war at a young age?

That was my choice.

I thought it was the best option to survive in this crazy world.

Thanks to that, I could take revenge on the sage who killed my dad, so I think it was the right decision in the end.

So when I heard what Aunt said, I was about to reflexively say, "It wasn’t too hard"...

"..."

I couldn’t get the words out.

...Why?

"Hard..."

After a long silence, I finally opened my mouth.

"...I don’t know."

The words that came out were not what I had expected.

"It’s not that I don’t like being pitied."

"Then?"

"...I just don’t understand. Why people react this way, why you treat me like this."

Aunt, who had been listening calmly, asked back.

"What is it that you don’t understand?"

How should I explain this?

This time, I acted more impulsively than I thought.

"I was a knight."

You probably already know that.

But there was no better way to start what I was about to say.

"Here, I guess I could be considered a soldier."

A shield that protects the country from threats, and a sword that eliminates the enemy.

And I was more of a sword than a shield.

"When war broke out, I was the first to rush in and cut down the enemy. There were times when my sword never stopped bleeding for days."

That was a figurative way of saying that I fought for a long time and got my sword soaked in blood from many enemies.

"And most of that blood belonged to people like me."

Maybe that was the reason I fought so hard against learning Archish.

If I learned Archish and could communicate with them, it felt like I would have to recognize them as people like me.

I would have learned the stories of each of their lives.

Of course, the biggest reason was hatred, but suddenly I thought that could be the reason.

"But Aunt thinks I’m pitiful."

Aunt, contrary to my thoughts that she might push me away, greeted me with the same attitude as before.

No, actually, even warmer.

"...Why?"

In the eyes of these people, I must seem like a mass murderer.

Even knowing everything, I couldn’t understand why she welcomed me.

Maybe the world was even more barbaric than I thought?

"I see."

At some point, Aunt, who had been patting my head, said.

"Kana, you’re a bad boy."

"...?"

Her tone, which still held warmth, was contradictory to the words she said.

I tried to raise my head, but...

Swish.

The hand that was messing up my hair made that impossible.

"Is this what you wanted to hear?"

"..."

"Some people berate themselves to lessen their guilt. Kana, you’re exactly that type of child, aren’t you?"

"Guilt? ...No. No, I’m not."

If I were going to feel guilty, I would have felt it long ago.

I’ve seen people kill and be killed in the back alleys from a young age.

I got used to it, so there’s no way I would feel guilty now.

So this isn’t really self-blame.

"Aunt also thinks I did bad things, right?"

"That-"

"But."

Before I could say anything, Aunt interrupted.

"Have you ever heard of Hong Gil-dong?"

"..."

"He’s a character from the classic novel ‘The Story of Hong Gil-dong.’ He took from corrupt officials and gave it to the poor. But stealing from others is a bad thing, right? So does that make Hong Gil-dong a bad person?"

"...That’s different."

"Why? It’s the same bad thing, right?"

"He’s not a real person, and he didn’t kill anyone."

"Actually, he did kill people. And he struggled with it."

"...His intentions were good."

"So does that mean that if Kana’s bad actions had good intentions, it’s okay?"

"..."

This wasn’t right.

I kept my mouth shut, trying to find a rebuttal.

But I couldn’t find the right words.

Aunt didn’t miss the hesitation.

"And earlier, Kana said that what he did was similar to being a soldier."

"...I said it was similar, not exactly the same."

"I think it’s not so different when you look at it from the perspective of fulfilling a duty to the country."

Her voice, speaking softly and steadily, made it hard to refute.

...I don’t know.

I huddled my shoulders and muttered the words I must have said countless times today in my mind.

"A soldier fights hard to protect the country. No one would say anything wrong about that. Well, unless they violated the laws of war and did unethical things. Did you do anything like that?"

"...No."

"See? Then Kana did something praiseworthy, so there’s no reason to criticize you."

"Praiseworthy..."

I can confidently say that, up until now, I’ve never thought of the things I’ve done as “things I did for survival.” But I’ve never thought about them the way Aunt is saying either.

When I returned from the war, no one praised me.

My dad and Aaron were too busy worrying, and the subordinates I got close to only thanked me for surviving, not praising me.

I don’t want to talk about how the royals and nobles treated me...

"Aunt didn’t go to the army, so you might not know, but soldiers are supposed to follow orders. Kana, you just followed orders, right?"

"...That’s not true."

It’s true that the royal family gives the orders to go to war.

"But I could have disobeyed."

I could have refused orders because of the honor of being the youngest master and the special status of being able to fight the Empire’s sage.

It would have been awkward immediately afterward, but they couldn’t accuse me of insubordination or treason.

"So that’s wrong."

I declared that the argument was wrong.

Was she trying to convince me?

The hand that had been patting my head stopped for a moment.

"...I didn’t know that."

Her words came out awkwardly.

I almost laughed at how misplaced it was.

"But it’s not easy to defy orders, is it? Even for an adult, it’s difficult. Especially for a child like you, who hasn’t even grown up yet."

"...That’s forced."

"Is that so? I don’t think it’s forced~"

If I couldn’t defy orders, I wouldn’t have been able to beat up the nobles or tell the royal family to get lost to their faces.

So, saying I couldn’t do it because I lacked the courage was wrong.

"People say that a person’s life is determined in childhood. It depends on the environment you’re born into and the upbringing you go through."

When I heard that, I thought of Da-eun.

Da-eun, who spent most of her childhood and adolescence in the hospital.

Because of that, she developed a love for travel and a desire to give rather than receive love.

That’s why she clung to me, pretending to be close when we first met.

"Kana fought in the war to protect the country because that’s the environment he grew up in. That’s the only way he could live."

"That’s the environment..."

"Kana grew up only seeing and learning things like that."

"..."

Fighting, killing, and dying.

Because life was so close to violence, that was the only thing Kana could know, Aunt said.

"Did Kana hate the Empire from the start?"

"..."

Looking back...

At first, I didn’t have any particular feelings about the Empire.

It wasn’t until the death of my dad, and when he finally died, that I started to harbor hatred.

My sharp voice leaked out.

"...What are you trying to say?"

"I just want to say that Kana did his best to protect the country."

Aunt’s warm voice, as if to melt my cold words, replied.

"That’s why I’m proud of you, Kana."

This 𝓬ontent is taken from freeweɓnovel.cѳm.

"...?"

"You grew up in a difficult environment, but you fought hard to protect the country and, in the end, grew up like this without turning crooked."

"...I don’t think that’s the case."

If I hadn’t turned crooked, then wasn’t the world itself crooked?

Knowing that my standards were different from others, I couldn’t easily agree with her words.

From beginning to end, they seemed to be words meant to comfort me.

I thought that, but—

"..."

I couldn’t argue this time either.

...I didn’t want to.

Maybe what I really wanted was—

"Really—"

I barely opened my mouth and spoke.

"Ah, indeed, you can’t catch up with experience. It’s best to leave the worries of growing sprouts to grandfathers and grandmothers."

"..."

"..."

—What I was about to say was interrupted by an unwelcome guest.

"What? Why?"

Da-eun, with a puzzled expression, looked back and forth between Aunt and me.

It was only natural that Da-eun received divine punishment on her back.