I Shall Cuck Everyone-Chapter 463: Why The Old Fart Can’t Get It Up

"Man, your life really sucks, hahaha," Alphonso suddenly burst out laughing at me, nudging my side as he laughed and even rolling across the bench.

Now it was my turn to sulk because he made me emotional instead. Imagine trying to cheer someone up only for you to end up sad. Thankfully, I pushed my thoughts toward Rona and Xander's beautiful smiles and managed to return to normal.

"So stop thinking you're not strong. You have one of the strongest defensive powers ever known. Maybe only a handful of people could pierce your Blood Hardening power," I said, and Alphonso pouted.

"Spare me some slack. A handful? That's even worse," he grumbled.

"As I said earlier, there are a lot of scary people out there. However, when I said a handful could pierce through your defenses, I didn't factor in you reinforcing your blood shield with Ki. With Ki added to it, I think there's barely anyone who could break through that," I said, and Alphonso squeezed his face even more.

"Hahah, maybe me," I added with a laugh, and he laughed too.

"Well, how did you find me?" he asked.

"You know, I had someone keeping an eye on you after you disappeared," I said, and he laughed again. He saw through my lie immediately.

"Fine, you caught me. I thought of one place you might be, which is why I came here. When I arrived, I traced your blood signature," I revealed.

"Alright, the blood sniffer. You're one crazy motherfucker. Oh—that's right, you actually fuck your mom," Alphonso said again, and I could tell this guy was slowly losing his mind. The way he spoke wasn't his usual self.

However, I already knew his problem. A smile suddenly crept onto my face.

"Alphonso… tell me, you can't woo a woman, right?" I suddenly said, and instantly Alphonso's face turned embarrassed as he looked left and right.

"D-Don't say it like that," he muttered.

"Fufufu, got ya! So you can't get a woman?" I said in a slightly mocking tone.

Then he suddenly let out a sigh.

"That's not the problem…" he said.

"Then what's the problem?" I asked.

"The thing is… I can't get my thing up."

"Holy shit! You too—" I suddenly paused, almost letting my shock get the better of me.

"What do you mean by (you too)? Can't you get your dick up?" Alphonso questioned.

"No… not me. I'm not supposed to say this, but I heard something from those chicks always hanging around old man Duke—that he can't get his thing up," I revealed, and suddenly Alphonso burst out laughing, rolling on the ground this time.

"That old fuck got what he deserves, hahahaha!" Alphonso laughed again. I was slightly shocked that he called old man Duke an "old fuck," considering he usually respects him.

"Wait—wait, I'm confused. Do you know he can't get his thing up?" I asked in shock.

"Of course! I mean, he's the one who put us in this situation! That's why I'm pissed and mad at him," Alphonso said, anger clear in his voice.

Oboy, things were starting to make sense now.

"Please, I'm lost here. What the hell happened?"

"Well… it started when I was doing my knightly duties, protecting that old fuck. About twenty years ago, we went to see the Matriarch of the Witches. During the conversation, that perverted old bastard couldn't keep his hands to himself and tried touching her inappropriately. So in anger, she cursed us that we would never get our dicks up. Since then, I've never had an erection, Jake. Fucking twenty years. I miss the feeling of a pussy," Alphonso said in a low voice, almost crying.

I simply stared at him in shock as he finished the story, and then suddenly I burst out laughing.

"So you guys got fucking cursed by Ophelia?" I said after my laughter subsided.

"That evil bitch," Alphonso cursed under his breath. "I'm suffering for that old fart's mistakes," he added.

Honestly, his crash-out was completely justifiable. I would've resigned too if I were in his place.

"So, how do you want to go about it?" I asked.

"Well… I've been trying to reach Ophelia, but I can't. She only gave the old man a one-time coordinate to visit her if he wanted to see her, and I heard you already went, so it's pointless. There's no way to reach that witch. Even if there was, that bitch would probably place another curse on me. I heard she's a feminist," Alphonso said with a loud hiss.

"Well… you know, you could've just asked for my help," I said with a toothy grin. Alphonso's face lit up, but he frowned again shortly after.

"No way I'm showing you my stuff. I'd rather keep it down," he muttered.

"No one wants to see your junk anyway. I'm talking about getting Ophelia to lift the curse," I said, and his eyes widened again.

"Really?!!!"

"Yup."

"How? I mean, how are we going to get there?!" Alphonso asked, still visibly shocked.

"That's a secret. I can take you to meet her if you want. I bet no witch can lift Ophelia's curse, fufu," I said, using my finger to trim my nose.

"Man, this is risky."

"I've never seen you this scared. But trust me, we'll get your junk working again," I said, and Alphonso finally smiled—genuinely.

"Well… what do you need from me? I know you didn't come looking for me for no reason."

"Fufu, am I really that horrible? Well, you're right. I wouldn't spend all this time looking for you if I didn't have a reason. I need your help. First of all, since Zero died, his Blood Power would have transferred to someone else or a newborn. I'd like to know who that person is. The second request is that I want to know more about the new Demon King. I heard he's a young dude. Does he have any ulterior moves? Like acquiring more power? The Demon King's power can be stacked, so it wouldn't be surprising if he's searching for the one who holds the power of the Demon King that was defeated by Derek, you, and old man Duke," I said, and Alphonso chuckled.

"That old fart did nothing but become a burden. Only his Blood Power was useful. Derek did all the work while I shielded him. Heck, the old fart's Blood Power only managed to stun the Demon King for a split second before his eyes started bleeding," Alphonso revealed.

"Why didn't you tell me all this? Also, their story depicted a completely different scenario," I muttered.

"Pfft, he was the king. We had to give a heroic tale. Besides, as a serving knight, I couldn't speak badly about the king. But now that I'm relieved of my duty, I don't give a fuck. Anyway, you're giving me a hard task. I'll be putting my life on the line. Demons have hated vampires since that incident," Alphonso grumbled.

"Well, the choice is yours. Either you get your junk back, or you die a eunuch," I said with a shrug.

"Fine. We have a deal!" Alphonso said, shaking my hand.