I'm a Villainess, Can I Die?-Chapter 126

Suddenly, I wanted to cry.

Yes, I wanted to cry so badly.

Because I hated the flower blooming on my chest. Because the snow falling so heavily was too beautiful. And because of you—because you were smiling at me so gently. Because I liked you... I wanted to cry.

I understood instantly what your confession meant. And I already knew what this feeling I had for Aiden was.

Maybe, from a long time ago.

How could I not know? How could I not know this feeling?

That kind voice, that kind smile, those kind hands, that kind warmth... You gave all of it to me, without hesitation. You were so kind—how could I not like you?

You slowly seeped into me.

Even when I was buried in darkness, your face would rise so clearly in my mind.

On gloomy days, on days I missed you, I would sit blankly in front of the cake you liked and think of you.

I liked how you’d always be the first to ask if I was okay when a forgotten memory gripped me out of nowhere.

I liked how you’d quietly whisper that it would be okay when I was struggling.

I liked your heart. In a life where I had never once been protected, you cried for me, knelt for me—I liked you for that.

You were my glass bead. # Nоvеlight # A jar full of pretty, glimmering glass beads. That’s what you were to me.

So of course, I liked your confession too.

Hearing you say you liked me, in that same kind voice—it was the kind of gratitude I couldn’t put into words.

That’s why I had no choice but to hide this feeling, to bury it, postpone it, shake my head.

Eunji spent a long time in the hospital. So, my life as a caregiver was long, too. In that time, I witnessed many deaths. From accidents, from illness... The reasons varied, but they all had one thing in common.

The wailing of those left behind. Screams as if the world were ending, grief that crushed the lungs.

When Eunji died, my parents from my previous life were the same.

“Eunji... Eunji!”

“Eunji...! Agh, my daughter, my daughter, what do I do... My poor baby girl.”

Those two, who had always been so cruel, collapsed in front of her cold body.

They knelt on the floor, faces swollen from tears, screaming their sorrow until their voices tore.

Even to me, who had already let go of everything, they looked unbearably pitiful.

No. I don’t want that. I really don’t. My family alone is enough. Just them crying until they can’t breathe—that’s already too much.

I wonder what my face looks like right now.

I just hope it’s okay. That it’s the same calm, blank face as always. Like someone who didn’t hear what she heard. Like someone who never listened at all.

Aiden didn’t say a word. He just looked at me. Even that look—so gentle—it made me hate him for it.

“...Aiden.”

At my quiet murmur, Aiden smiled. A faint smile that looked so sad.

God, he’s so unnecessarily perceptive.

I don’t want you to be sad. But for that to happen, you have to be sad right now. Isn’t that ironic?

With a faintly bitter thought, I shook my head. My stiff neck groaned, and I let out a small gasp.

Following that soft sound came a gentle voice.

“It’s all right, my lady.”

This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.

Yeah, right. You sound like you’re about to break.

“I never expected a yes to begin with.”

But I wanted to say yes.

If only I had a little more time to live, I would’ve said yes.

“Just being able to share my feelings is enough.”

The corners of Aiden’s lips curled a bit higher. That smile—without a doubt—it was for me.

Emotions are such strange things. Sometimes, they flare up all at once. Other times, they build so slowly over time... They’re unpredictable, and ridiculous.

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It’s only been a year since I met you. No—barely even a year. And you’ve known me for about eleven years.

Of those, ten years... I was the kind of villain you probably wanted to take revenge on.

So why? Why did we end up loving each other like this? What does that short time even mean?

Why did it have to be like this?

It would’ve been better if we hadn’t fallen in love.

“...Yeah. Yeah.”

Despite the noise in my head, I only answered like someone who didn’t know anything at all.

And so, our last walk came to an end. Awkward and quiet.

I had no regrets. Your confession was enough. It was a memory I could treasure.

I took off my snow-dampened coat and hung it over the chair, then sat at the desk and pulled out a sheet of paper.

The hem of my skirt, heavy with snow, dragged slightly.

Selina White.

Beneath that name, scrawled in crooked handwriting, was my list of wishes.

I want to go on a trip. With my family, with those I love. To a lake. ( )

Portrait for the funeral. ( )

Say goodbye to my family myself. ( )

Make a friend. (O)

With a pen in hand, I added a new line underneath.

Don’t speak.

Don’t speak the truth.

Just like how I suddenly wanted to draw flowers and started sketching one, I suddenly wanted to say I liked you... so I wrote, don’t speak the truth.

The handwriting in the newly added line was messier than ever.

I stared at it blankly for a while, then folded the paper in half and tucked it into the drawer.

I didn’t have the strength to change clothes. I lay down on the bed in my thick dress as it was.

It was a cold, long night.

Knock, knock.

Lukas, who had just finished washing up and was drying his hair, turned toward the door at the sound.

“Who is it?”

Evening. No one was supposed to visit at this hour.

Frowning slightly, trying to guess who it could be, Lukas heard a voice he hadn’t expected.

“You asked me to come, so I’m here.”

A heavy, damp voice. It was Aiden.

Lukas was genuinely surprised—it was unlike him.

Sure, he had told him to come earlier. But wasn’t there a condition attached?

If she rejects you.

“Aiden got rejected by Selina?”

Standing still for a moment, Lukas soon walked to the door again when he heard another soft knock.

When he opened it, sure enough, Aiden stood there.

His usually neat hair was a complete mess, and the crisp shoulders of his clothes were soaked.

“Did you get in a snowball fight or something?”

Lukas stepped aside and asked as Aiden entered.

“I’d have preferred that.”

Aiden answered with a bitter smile. Lukas, watching his dejected back, closed the door.

Snow falling outside. A room with drawn curtains. Two men under flickering candlelight. What a scene.

After confirming Aiden had taken a seat on the sofa, Lukas went to the cupboard and grabbed a bottle of wine.

He’d said he’d offer him a drink, so he had to follow through. Not that he thought it’d really come to this.

As he selected glasses from the cupboard, Lukas spoke without turning around.

“So, the fact that you’re here... means she said no?”

At the blunt question, Aiden let out a dry laugh. He nodded quietly, then spoke in a low voice.

“What’s certain is... I’m in the same boat as you, Sir Lukas.”

“Oh dear.”

Smiling faintly, Lukas switched from the crystal glass he’d picked up to a plain one beside it.

A small act of petty revenge.

With two glasses and a strong wine in hand, he took a seat across from Aiden.

Aiden, head bowed, didn’t seem to care whether Lukas sat or not.

“I really didn’t see that coming.”

Placing a glass in front of Aiden, Lukas opened the bottle.

The sharp scent of wine pierced the air. Only then did Aiden lift his head and glance at him.

“You sounded like a fortune teller earlier.”

“I’m not a fortune teller, but I do have an eye sharp enough to be friends with one...”

Drip, drip.

Lukas poured wine into both glasses and leaned back comfortably, swirling his drink. The wine shimmered inside the slowly turning glass.

Selina likes you.

And yet, she rejected him... Why?

There are things people can’t hide. Lukas believed it was the eyes.

How you feel about someone, how you see them—it all shows in the eyes.

The way Selina looked at Aiden... was full of life. Bright, warm, curious, happy. In a word—vivid.

So why?

Keeping that graceful swirling motion, Lukas brought the glass to his lips and took a sip.

Along with the words that would follow, the red wine slid down his throat.

Who cares. In the end, the important thing is that Aiden got rejected too.

Lukas was never one to be overly sympathetic anyway.

“Oh, I forgot to toast.”

With a laugh in his voice, Lukas lifted his glass. Aiden sighed.

He’d come to someone, anyone, because his heart was in chaos—but of all people, maybe he shouldn’t have come here. Those crescent-shaped eyes annoyed him more than ever.

Even if they were in the same position now, there was no way he could ever grow fond of this man.

Aiden clinked his glass in the air and downed his wine.

It was a night he wanted to drown.

The next morning, it was no surprise when Jane let out a squawk while changing the bed sheets. The snow-soaked dress had even dampened the mattress.

“My lady! You went to bed in your outdoor dress—no, a wet dress, at that!

You’ll catch a cold again like this! Ugh, and the bed is a disaster!”

Like a scolded child, I listened to her nagging in silence. She went on for a while, sighing in between, and then swiftly got to work.

I just changed into the clothes she handed me and quietly watched from the tea table.

Stripping the bed, opening the curtains to let in the sun, carrying the blankets and sheets to the laundry, and bringing in fresh ones.

Like a little worker ant—watching her busyness stirred a pang of guilt in my heart.

“I’m sorry, Jane.”

I apologized quietly, and Jane turned from the bed to look at me.

Her big eyes blinked a few times, then she shook her head.

Ugh, what is that supposed to mean. She’s getting bolder.

“As long as the lady is taking me on that trip, that’s enough.”

She pouted, but a soft chuckle followed.

Honestly... she’s really cute.

I let out a laugh and thumped my forehead onto the table.

If things had been good between Eunji and me, would it have looked like this?

I know Jane really likes me. I think of her like a little sister too. Leaving behind a girl like her—it made my heart ache.

She’ll be sad. Even though she seems strong, she’s fragile. She’ll probably cry her eyes out.

“Yeah. Let’s go on that trip and have fun.”

“Yes, my lady. By the way... isn’t Sir Aiden running late today?”

The smile on my lips froze at her words. My head, resting on the table, suddenly felt heavy.

Usually around this time, Aiden would arrive to greet me with Jane. Without missing a single day.

But today... he didn’t come.

Of course not. After what happened yesterday... he’s not coming again.

Sigh. I let out a small breath and gently touched the ring on my pinky.

Stupid Aiden, saying it’s okay with that sad little smile.

I didn’t sleep at all last night because of it.

I wonder if Aiden slept. Probably not. He always cried over my problems—he might’ve fallen asleep crying again last night.

He shouldn’t have.

No... actually, maybe I want him to.

Selfish me. Cursing myself with that thought, I closed my eyes.

And the moment I did, I heard a knock.

Yes, a knock.

Someone visiting at this hour... I opened my eyes slowly, already knowing who it was. I stared at the closed door through my blurry vision.

Just as slowly, I pushed myself up from the bed.

A quiet breath slipped from my lips. Half a sigh, half a moan.

“My lady.”

Of course it’s you. Of course it’s really you. The one who said you'd come if I called.

A smile formed. I almost cried. You always make me like this when I see you.

And I always will.