Leveling Up by Seducing Milfs-Chapter 134. The Weight of Failure

Rick’s mind wandered aimlessly in the dark. There was no sense of ups and downs, no sense of time passing, just an endless void that continued indefinitely.

He tried to remember how he got here, but the memories were hazy and far away, like trying to remember a dream after waking up.

Then, slowly, pictures started to appear in the dark.

First, he saw his childhood bedroom. It was small and cramped, with peeling wallpaper and only one window that let in very little light.

Rick imagined himself as a ten-year-old boy sitting at a shaky desk and trying to do his homework. The math problems flooded his mind.

No matter how hard he tried, the numbers and equations just wouldn’t make sense.

"Rick ROLLAAANDDDD!" His mother’s voice rang through the memory, full of disappointment. "How the FUCK did you get another D on your test?"

"Your brother never got grades like this!"

Rick’s shoulders hunched, and his hands turned into fists. "I did my best, Mom. I really did!"

"Trying isn’t enough! When Mrs. Chen asks me about your grades, do you know how FUCKING embarrassed I am as your MOTHER!?"

"Her son is getting straight A’s, and you can barely pass!"

The memory changed, speeding through years of the same things. His father’s face was always frowning in disapproval.

"Your brother got into a good college."

"What do you think, Rick?"

"What are you going to do with your life?"

"Not sure yet, Dad. I’m still trying to figure it out."

"Still trying to figure it out? You are 20 years old right now, boy!"

"Your brother had a plan for his whole life by the time you were your age."

"He knows where he wants to go, what he wants to do, and how to get there! What do you have after all this time except wasting your goddamn life?!"

Rick saw his younger self shrink under his father’s words. With each criticism, the light in those eyes dimmed a little more.

He wanted to reach out and tell that younger version of himself that everything would be fine, but he couldn’t move in this emptiness.

The dark changed again, and he saw his college years. Or, more accurately, his failed college years.

He imagined himself sitting in lecture halls with other students who seemed to be able to learn things without any effort, while he had a hard time keeping up.

He saw study groups where he was always the one who didn’t get it, and people would look at him knowingly when he asked questions that seemed obvious to them.

"Maybe you’re just not cut out for this field," one of his professors had said, trying to be nice but only making Rick feel worse about himself.

"Have you thought about changing your major? Something easier, perhaps, so you can pass it easily?"

Next came the memory that hurt the most. His graduation never took place.

His parents sat him down in the living room with his brother. They all looked at him with different levels of disappointment and pity.

"Rick, we can’t keep paying for you to fail classes," his mother said, sounding tired. "You’ve been in college for five years, and you’re only halfway through your degree."

"I can do more work!"

"I can take fewer classes and pay more attention to each one!"

His father cut in, "That’s what you said last semester."

"And the semester before that."

"And the one before that, again!"

"Oh, come on, son! You don’t belong in college! Now is the time to drop out and get a real job!"

His brother, who was two years younger but much more successful, was kind enough to look uncomfortable. "Rick, maybe they’re right, man. You could learn a skill or something."

"Not everyone needs a degree."

The words had pierced him like daggers. Not everyone needs to attend college, or behind that is something that says he’s not smart enough.

Rick watched as his younger self nodded in agreement with the decision that he was a failure. He saw himself packing up his dorm room while avoiding eye contact with his roommates, who were all on track to graduate.

He felt the shame burn through him like it was the first time it happened.

The dark swirled, and new memories came to mind. He tried many different jobs, but they all went wrong.

He had the warehouse job where he knocked over a whole pallet of goods because he didn’t tie down the forklift properly. His boss’s face was red with rage.

"How could you be so FUCKING careless!?"

"Do you know how much that cost?"

He worked in a store where customers would yell at him for being too slow, too incompetent, and too useless. His boss pulled him aside after two months.

"I’m sorry, Rick, but this isn’t going to work."

"We appreciate that you’re a nice guy, but you’re not fast enough for what we need."

At his office job, Rick unintentionally erased a crucial file, which resulted in hours of lost productivity for the entire team. His coworkers began to distance themselves from him, and he could hear the whispers behind his back.

At the HR meeting, they revealed his termination and presented him with a severance package, clearly expressing their relief at his departure. Rick experienced a sense of helplessness as he struggled to overcome the accumulation of his past mistakes.

He could see himself backing away from the door, the walls closing in as the outside world became too painful to deal with. His parents were fighting through the door about what to do with him.

"He’s only twenty-four and hasn’t had a job for more than six months!"

"What are we supposed to do? Get rid of him?! He’ll be fucking homeless and die like the useless boy he is!"

"Maybe that’s what he needs! A call to action! He’s like this because you coddle him!"

"Me...!? Pampering!? You compared him to his brother every day of his life!"

Rick had heard those arguments countless times, and each repetition only reinforced what he already felt deep down.

He was a burden.

A disappointment.

A failure who seemed incapable of doing anything right.

The dark showed him the last days of his life. The never-ending cycle of sleeping during the day and staying up all night.

The pile of empty energy drink cans and takeout boxes continues to grow in size. The way his room had become his whole world, with the light from his computer screen being all he needed.

And then there were the videos.

Rick felt a wave of shame wash over him as he remembered how he had found that part of the internet. He had been using the videos of MILFs as an escape from reality.

He spent hours and hours watching, feeling guilty and then relieved for a short time that he didn’t have to think about his failures.

He saw himself there last night, tired but unable to stop.

One more video.

One more gooning.

His heart was racing, his body was begging for rest, but the need to get away from his thoughts pushed him on.

Then he felt pain in his chest. The realization dawned on him that something was seriously amiss.

He was filled with fear that his body would fail to respond. These were the final thoughts he had before passing away.

"I’m going to die a failure."

"I never did anything right."

"I never made anyone feel good about themselves."

"I’m going to die alone in this room, and when they find me, they’ll know exactly what I was doing."

"They’ll know how useless I was."

The memories faded, and Rick was alone in the dark again, but now the empty space was full. It was full of voices, echoes of every failure, disappointment, and criticism.

"Not good enough."

"Your brother would never."

"Maybe you’re just not cut out for this."

"How could you be so careless?"

"You’re too slow."

"This isn’t working out."

"What are you going to do with your life?"

"You’re a burden."

"Pathetic."

"Useless."

"Failure."

The words swirled around him like a storm, and each one hurt more than the last. Rick wanted to yell "no," but he thought they were all true.

How could he argue against what was true?

Then new pictures started to show up. These weren’t memories from his past life.

These were visions of what could happen, nightmares that came from his deepest fears.

He saw Carmilla lying on the ground with her armor broken and blood pooling around her. She had her eyes open, but they were empty and staring at nothing.

The corrupted Zork stood over her, and its claws dripped with corruption.

"No!" Rick tried to yell, but nothing came out.

The vision changed. Natasha, who had been cold and distant, finally broke down and cried as corruption took over her from the inside. As the purple energy spread through her veins, her ice magic flickered and died.

"Rick..." she whispered, her hand shaking as she reached out.

"Why didn’t you... help us...?"