Love Among The Ruins-Chapter 92

NADINE’S P.O.V

Joshua avoided me for the entire day. I wasn’t sure if it was shame or embarrassment, but whatever it was, I didn’t care. I was just glad that he was staying away.

Rowan had a lot of questions about what happened, but I didn’t feel like repeating any of it. I could tell he didn’t like my answer, but he couldn’t push me on it seeing as he was keeping his own secrets.

We’d stopped for a break when Joshua finally walked up to me. "I’m sorry, Nadine. I should never have blamed you for something that was clearly my fault."

I said nothing. I didn’t even glance at him. He had a lot of balls seeing as he chose to speak to me while Rowan was sitting right next to me. Rowan looked between the two of us, his brows furrowed in confusion as he tried to make reason of the whole situation.

"Perhaps we should give them some space," Amy suggested, attempting to tug Rowan away but he didn’t even budge.

"If he wanted to speak to her alone, he would’ve asked, and it doesn’t look like she wants to speak to him." Rowan turned to me. "Do you?"

I shrugged. "I don’t care."

Amy just threw her hands up in mock surrender before dragging herself back to where she sat before. She looked just as fed up as I felt about the whole situation. I couldn’t wait until it was over and we all got to make our own decisions and move on with our lives. I couldn’t imagine having to spend one more week with Joshua.

"I know you’re upset, but I didn’t know that I’d left the door open. I genuinely thought I locked it. I’d never do anything to put our lives in danger. I’m sorry."

"You’re not even sorry for the right reasons."

"What?"

"I don’t care that you left the door open. We all make mistakes, I’ve made my fair share. I care that you were trying to slut shame me."

He paled. "I wasn’t, but if you think I am-"

"Enough with the self-righteous, bullshit apology." I turned to him. "You’re always doing something that requires an apology. What happened to just being a good fucking person? You seem to have a problem with me."

"I don’t-"

"Don’t you?" I cut him off. "I’m sorry that I’m not the girl you used to know. I’m sorry that I don’t fit into the mold of who you think I should be. I’m sorry I like to get fucked."

"Princess-" Rowan warned but I ignored him.

"I’m sorry that I am not trying to live the rest of my life fucking terrified of what is going to happen. We’re all going to die at some point. If it doesn’t happen now, it’ll happen in a few years. We could be killed by the monsters, we could die from wounds, poisoning, anything. I have seen death and I’d be damned if I didn’t at least try to live before then.

I’m sorry that you gave up what you had to come here but no one asked you to do it. You could’ve helped Rowan and gone back but you didn’t because a part of you wanted to be out here. You wanted this so stop acting like you’re fucking perfect and the rest of us are sinners."

By the time I was done, I was breathing heavily and everyone else was silent. Joshua wouldn’t meet my eyes at all, he had his head bowed to the ground as he shuffled his feet like a child who’d just been scolded. Amy gave me a firm nod and her eyes shone with pride.

I hesitated before glancing over at Rowan. He was staring straight at me but there was no pride or shame in his eyes, instead there was amusement. The corner of his lip curled up in a small smile and he gave me a small nod. I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

"I’m sorry," Joshua spoke up finally. "I know it doesn’t mean much to you, but I am, and I’m trying. It just- it isn’t easy.’

"It’s not easy for any of us," Amy cut in. "I left my son. I left the only family I have left because I knew he deserved better. Nadine lost her baby. You don’t get to act like you’re the only one who has lost something. We all did, so instead of acting like an ass, maybe we can work together."

He swallowed deeply. "You’re right. I’ll do better."

I watched him walk away and sit with his back against a tree. He turned away from us, his legs drawn up to his chest. I felt bad for him to a degree. Rowan and Amy were... acquaintances, Rowan and I were together and I bonded with Amy in a way I never had with him. He was the only outsider, but it wasn’t because we wanted to make him an outsider.

He did that to himself.

When we started moving again, Joshua hung behind. He kept to himself, refusing to speak to anyone. Everyone noticed, it was kind of hard not to, but none of us spoke up about it.

We were getting closer to the lab and the reality of the situation was beginning to dawn on everyone. We didn’t have time to worry about Joshua and how he felt.

There were less residential buildings around now. Most of the buildings were stores and offices. They all looked like they’d been ransacked: windows blown open, doors hanging off their hinges and blood stains on the walls and floors.

There were also fewer buildings in between. We were still a few days away but it was already beginning to look daunting.

"It’s getting dark," Rowan announced. "We need to find a building to stay in."

"None of them look safe." Amy frowned.

"That’s because they’re not. The smell of blood will probably keep the monsters around here. We’ll need to keep watch over the next few days."

He didn’t say it directly, but the implication was clear. Our lives were in danger while we were here.

I almost suggested that we turn back. Whatever I wanted to find surely couldn’t be worth dying... right?

"Nadine?" Rowan’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned to him. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and forced a small smile on my face. "I’m fine."

"Are you sure?" He didn’t look convinced by my lie at all.

I’d almost forgotten that he knew me just as well as I knew myself... if not better.

"Yeah, I am. We’re just getting closer is all. I’m beginning to wonder if this was worth it and if I’d hallucinated the entire thing and dragged us all this way for nothing."

He gripped my shoulders firmly and leaned over so we were face to face. "I trust you, Nadine. I believed you the first time you told me and I believe you now or we’d have never taken this journey."

"What if we don’t find anything?"

"What if we find something?"

I laughed softly. "Is it bad that both thoughts are equally terrifying?"

His lips curled slightly. "Come on, we need to get to shelter before it’s too dark."