Maybe a Fake Gintama-Chapter 594: Some Races Can’t Be Stopped Even If You Want to Give Up! Like Life...

At that moment, Katsura's loud laughter suddenly echoed nearby.

"Hahahahaha..." Katsura, who was bleeding profusely from countless thumbtacks stuck all over his body, shouted to everyone, "You can't handle this bit of cold? How pathetic! Thanks to Mr. Bigfoot's needles, my whole body is burning hot!"

With that, Katsura gave a thumbs-up and eagerly suggested, "Why don't we all head back to Mr. Bigfoot's place while we still can?"

"Absolutely not!" Shinpachi immediately raised his hand to refuse without hesitation.

"It seems that the cave I found is still better," Otae, who had been following the group, said with a smile, narrowing her eyes as she looked at the ominously steaming plate of dark substance in her hands. "Look, I even managed to roast the chupacabra so well~."

"So she turned the unknown creature into an unknown substance!" Gintoki retorted furiously, "No matter what she cooks, it turns into dark matter!"

This chapt𝒆r is updated by frёewebηovel.cѳm.

"There's no way we're spending the night in that cave full of monsters!" After complaining, Shinpachi looked up at the snow-filled night sky and sighed, "Besides, even if we wanted to turn back now, the blizzard has made it impossible to know where to go."

Thus, the group once again lined up and aimlessly wandered through the forest.

"It's all white; we can't even see the smoke from the campfire we marked." Hijikata commented as he walked.

"I bet the blizzard blew it out a long time ago," Sougo added nonchalantly. "At this rate, Kondo-san and the Shogun won't make it back."

"Don't worry; those two will definitely return," Gintoki replied casually, "back to the earth."

Instantly, Hijikata's eyes bulged with anger as he shouted, "Don't jinx it! If something happens to the Shogun, both you and we will be buried in the earth too!"

Sougo stopped in his tracks, his face in an expression of complete surrender, his eyes vacant. "Toshi-san, it's okay. Everyone will make it back. The Shogun's white triangle briefs, and our frostbitten faces... Hehehe..."

"We'll all be swallowed by this snow and turn into pure white," Gintoki, also with a vacant expression, chuckled, "Everything will reset to zero. Hehehe..."

Seeing the two like this, Shinpachi couldn't help but retort, "These two sadists are so weak! They've already switched to giving up mode! Please don't give up! If you don't give up, there's always a way!"

"Seriously, kids these days are so spoiled; they can't handle any setbacks." Jou muttered with disdain, spitting on the ground.

"See! Even Jou-san hasn't given up!" Shinpachi tried to encourage them again, "Jou-san, who is also an S like you two, hasn't given up! Cheer up! Didn't Coach Anzai say not to give up until the last second of the game?"

"Shinpachi-kun, you're mistaken," Jou raised his head, squinting with a smile as he held up one finger. "Some races can't be stopped even if you give up, like... life, pain, cold winter nights. Come to think of it... if we give up today, maybe our lives could stop... Hehehe..."

"Your giving-up mode is even scarier!" Shinpachi retorted frantically, "Why would you say something like that with that expression?! No! Stop! That kind of expression with those words is not okay to air! Even if you explain it as a relaxation accident, there will still be complaints!"

Nearby, Hijikata calmly lit a cigarette, took a drag, and exhaled slowly, clicking his tongue. "All I can say now is that things can't get worse. On the bright side, it can only get better from here. There's nothing to worry about."

Just then, Shinpachi suddenly noticed something—the sound of footsteps crunching in the snow behind them was getting closer. He turned around in confusion.

"Toshi-san..."

"What?"

Standing a few meters behind them was a massive bear with glowing red eyes. Shinpachi shouted in panic, "It's getting worse!!"

At that moment, Hijikata, who also noticed the bear, let out a startled cry and bolted, along with Gintoki, Katsura, and Shinpachi, who had also seen the bear.

"Why would a bear show up at a time like this?!" Gintoki yelled in terror as he ran.

"Stay calm, Gintoki!" Katsura, also running for his life, tried to reassure him. "You can't outrun a bear! In times like this, you should play dead—!!"

With that, Katsura struck a Superman pose and leaped off the cliff.

"That's actually dying!" Gintoki shouted in exasperation.

"Idiot! Playing dead is just a myth," Hijikata snapped. "You need to slowly back away while keeping eye contact with the bear. If you turn your back, it will attack you from behind..."

Splat—

"Ara~" Sougo, who was standing behind Hijikata, withdrew the sharp branch he had stabbed into Hijikata's back. "Toshi-san, that's not okay~ You need to be careful of your back~ I was aiming to kill the bear, but I stabbed the wrong target~."

Hijikata, now lying on the ground, turned his pained face towards Sougo and muttered, "Damn it... I forgot about the one person I shouldn't turn my back on."

But just then, the sharp sound of something piercing flesh brought Sougo back to reality.

"Hey, you'd better play dead too, aru." Kagura, holding a blood-stained branch, looked down at Sougo with a dark expression.

"You... you brat..." Sougo muttered after falling to the ground.

Watching this sudden yet seemingly premeditated farce, Shinpachi retorted frantically, "What are you guys doing?! Now is not the time for internal conflict!"

At that moment, Otae suddenly noticed something and urgently shouted, "Shinpachi! Look out! The bear is charging at you!"

Seeing the bear charging at him, Shinpachi instantly turned and fled in panic.

"Hey! Pull yourself together!" Tsukuyo continued to shake Jou's shoulders, who was still smiling but had utterly given up.

"Hehehe... Tsukuyo, do you want to join too? It feels quite relaxing..." Jou just smiled.

Meanwhile, Shinpachi, who the bear was chasing, slipped and fell off the edge of a cliff.

"Shinpachi——!!" Otae screamed.

However, at the critical moment, a massive paw reached out and grabbed Shinpachi's hand, pulling him back up. Then, the bear, or rather the bear's owner, spoke.

"Are you hurt?"

"Huh?" Hearing the familiar male voice, Shinpachi froze for a moment, and his mouth twitched involuntarily.

After pulling Shinpachi up from the cliff, the bear spoke again, "It seems everyone is safe..."

"Th-that voice, could it be...?" Shinpachi looked up in a daze at the bear in front of him.

At that moment, the bear, or rather Shige Shige, slowly removed the bear mask, revealing a severe expression. "Shogun Tokugawa Shige——"

Before he could finish, Otae sent him flying off the cliff with a kick, kunai sticking out all over his body, while Tsukuyo stood nearby, still in a throwing posture. Shinpachi stood there, mouth agape, staring at the fallen Shige Shige.

"Shinpachi! Are you okay?! Shinpachi!" Otae asked anxiously.

"In the end, men can't be relied on at crucial moments," Tsukuyo said coldly, taking a drag from her pipe as she glanced at Jou.

...

In a small, somewhat rundown cabin, Kondo sat cross-legged in the corner, wrapped in a tattered straw raincoat, arms crossed as he reflected. "Ah, the Shogun is truly impressive. To think he found this cabin on his own to take shelter in. I was saved after getting lost in the snow. Really, it's hard to tell who's the bodyguard here. I don't deserve to be a samurai. I'm ready to commit seppuku at any time, but since the Shogun saved my life, I must do everything to ensure his safe return."

"Don't worry, Tsukuyo," Jou quietly reassured her. "In this situation, you have to think positively. If the Shogun gets eaten by a hungry wolf or bear, there won't be any evidence left."

"Stop it, Jou-san. This dangerous conversation should end now," Shinpachi, expressionless, warned in a low voice. "If anyone overhears this, even if we haven't committed a crime, we'll be sentenced to death."

Creak—

The sound of the door opening made everyone turn to look.

Seeing Shige Shige, covered in a bear coat with fresh wounds, being supported by Sougo and Hijikata, Kondo's reaction was the most dramatic.

"Shogun-sama——!" Kondo immediately stood up. "What happened?! What happened to the Shogun?! And why are you two also covered in wounds?!"

"Th-that, Kondo-san, it's actually because..." Hijikata stammered,

But before he could finish, Gintoki interrupted, taking over the explanation, "We were attacked by Bigfoot and the chupacabra."

"Huh?" Kondo needed clarification.

"Although we fought desperately..." Gintoki continued, his expression showing a hint of regret, "Damn those UMA bastards, unforgivable!"

"UMA, you say?! That's impossible!" Kondo exclaimed in disbelief, pointing to the wounds on Shige Shige's body. "These wounds are clearly caused by sharp weapons!"