The Harem System Belongs to the Villain-Chapter 45: cbl

Kai was pacing inside the out-of-commission bathroom on the third floor. The drainage system here was absolute crap—literally—so the Academy decided to build a better one, leaving this place a total ghost town.

’Will she even come?’

Even though Kevin had doubts, Kai didn’t. In his mind, Kai knew she would come. Why? Because the message he sent was curated to perfection.

You see, Emi was addicted to The Tea. She was obsessed with gossip. If she could snort rumors like cocaine, she would.

And just like he thought—Knock. Knock.

"Come in, Emi."

The door creaked open and she stepped inside.

Kevin immediately activated his Thot Scan, looking her up and down from head to toe. Even though he had Kai’s memories, he needed to see this with his own eyes. How did this no-use, dog-poop-tier guy get a girlfriend?

’Is she deaf? Is she blind? Is she mentally challenged or something?’

He analyzed the data.

She was basic. Total NPC energy. Dark green short hair, round harry potter glasses, short. She was built for Mid.

Mid was the word. Not poop. Poop was Kai. So how was a Mid-tier girl dating a Poop-tier boy?

Her shirt wasn’t tight and bursting like Sakura’s. Her skirt was below her knees—very conservative. And she looked totally unathletic.

Kevin zoomed in on the flaws.

A little tummy roll? Check. A little sagging in the breasts? Check. A fatty ass—but not the perfect "gyatt" fat—just... fat as in fat.

’Mid,’ Kevin concluded, rubbing his chin. ’But... cute face. I can work with this.’

"What is it, Kai? Make it quick. I have homework to submit."

Emi said it enthusiastically. Zero energy. She crossed her arms, not even feigning interest. She looked like she would rather be watching paint dry than talking to him.

’Liar! Cap! Total cap!’ Kai thought. ’There is no homework you haven’t submitted! You nerd!’

Kai closed his eyes with a confident smile.

’But I do have something that’s gonna spread those legs wide open like a bag of chips.’

[Patience is the key, Boss! Since she is your girlfriend, you have the Type Advantage. Use "Small Talk." Use "Soft Touch." Get the mood up, THEN acquire the skill.]

The System flashed Seduction 101 tips. Basic stuff. Since she was his girlfriend who barely gave a fuck about him, he needed to finesse it.

Kai nodded his head in understanding. ’Got it. Loud and clear.’

Then, he snapped his eyes open.

He looked straight at her with his ugly-ass face. In his mind, he was giving her the "Bedroom Eyes" of a top-tier Rom-Com lead. Pure Rizz.

But to Emi? He looked like a crackhead who was about to commit arson in a gas station.

Kai leaned forward and whispered loudly:

"Emi, let’s fuck!"

[...]

If the System had eyes, it would have blinked. It would have bluescreened.

The silence was deafening. All sound in the school ceased to exist, like the laws of physics were ashamed to even hear that sentence.

Emi was surprised for exactly 0.1 seconds. Then her face went back to its default setting: pure disgust. She looked at him like he was a piece of gum she stepped in.

"No."

A simple, straightforward rejection. No hesitation. She grabbed the door handle, ready to leave this smelly bathroom and his smelly presence behind forever.

But Kai wasn’t done. He activated Plan B: The Bait.

He stretched his arms above his head and let out a sigh so loud it echoed off the urinal cakes.

"Man... that’s a shame. I was about to spill some nuclear-grade juicy gossip about the Quadruple Heavenly Overlords..."

He acted nonchalant, side-eying her while picking at his ear.

Emi froze.

Her hand stopped dead on the door handle. She didn’t turn around, but her whole body started trembling. It was a subtle vibration at first, then she started shaking like a junkie who needed a fix.

’Hook, line, and sinker,’ Kai thought, grinning internally. ’Just a little more and she will spread that mid-tier cookie for me.’

"It’s about a certain someone..." Kai whispered to the ceiling, "and a secret affair involving another certain someone... Man, I can’t say it. It’s too dangerous. It’s so Exclusive. Literally nobody in the whole Academy knows..."

Emi’s grip on the door handle tightened so hard her knuckles turned white. Her pupils were dilating. She was breathing heavy. The tea was right there. She could smell it.

Kai leaned in closer to her ear, his voice dropping to a husky, pathetic whisper.

"Man... I am so pumped full of this gossip. It’s clogging my brain. If only... if only someone could help me release my frustration... I bet the tea would just flow right out of me..."

SNAP.

That was the sound of Emi’s self-respect breaking in half.

She let go of the door handle and spun around like a human Beyblade. Her face was no longer the face of a bored high school girl. It was the face of a addict who just found a kilo of pure Colombian gossip.

Her eyes were bloodshot. A little bit of drool was actually forming at the corner of her mouth.

"DEAL!" she screamed, startling Kai so bad he almost slipped on the wet floor.

She stomped towards him, grabbing him by his ugly collar and shaking him like a maraca.

"Pants! Down! Right now! I need to know who it is?Is it Sakura?! Or is it Hina? Which one among them is the whore???!!! Or are both of them cheap whores?! TELL ME WHILE YOU PUMP!"

Kai’s grin was so wide it almost went off his face.

’All according to keikaku (translator’s note: keikaku means plan),’ Kai thought, feeling like a genius.

"Whoa, babe, slow down," Kai acted cool, even though he was terrified of her manic energy. "You gotta earn the Tea. First, the D, then the Tea."

"Fine! Whatever!"

Emi pushed him backward. He landed on the closed toilet seat with a thud.

"I will let you hit this SSS+ pussy, but you better spill every single detail or I will report you to the faculty for harassment!"

She didn’t strip seductively. There was no music. She started pulling down her ugly yellow panty with the speed and efficiency of a NASCAR pit crew changing tires. It wasn’t sexy. It was purely administrative.

She kicked her panties off and they landed on Kai’s head.

"Hurry up, you Ten-Second loser!" she barked, climbing on top of him like she was mounting a horse to ride into battle. "My gossip senses are tingling and I need the data NOW!"

[System Notification: Target is ready. Warning: Your stamina is still G-. Calculated survival time: 8 seconds.]

’Shut up, System!’ Kai panicked. ’I can stretch it to twelve!’

"Less talk, more cocktail sausage!" Emi yelled, impatient.

Kai fumbled with his belt like a virgin trying to defuse a bomb. Finally, he yanked his pants down to his ankles.

There it was. The Destroyer. The Weapon of Mass Seduction.

Except it wasn’t.

It was a sad, pale little acorn. A shrimp. A frightened turtle retracting into its shell. It was distinctly below average, curving slightly to the left like a broken joystick. It looked like a pinky finger wearing a helmet.

’Behold!’ Kai thought, trying to hype himself up. ’The... uh... Shortsword of Destiny!’

Emi looked at the pathetic meat-worm and rolled her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her head.

"Man, its still pathetic as that day, huh? That’s what I’m trading state secrets for?" she groaned. "Whatever. Just stick it in so you can talk."

She grabbed her own skirt and hiked it all the way up. She didn’t wear fancy lingerie. She wasn’t groomed.

When she spread her legs, Kai was staring directly into the Amazon Rainforest.

It was a jungle. A thick, unkempt, black bushy triangle of hair that looked like it could trap small animals. It was a 1970s shag carpet. A literal furball.

’Holy texture,’ Kai thought, sweat pouring down his face. ’It’s... it’s glorious.’

Behold!’ Kai thought, trying to hype himself up. ’The... uh... Shortsword of Destiny!’ 𝕗𝕣𝐞𝐞𝘄𝐞𝚋𝚗𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹.𝚌𝕠𝚖

Emi looked at the pathetic meat-worm and rolled her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her head.

"Man, its still pathetic as that day, huh? That’s what I’m trading state secrets for?" she groaned. "Whatever. Just stick it in so you can talk."

She grabbed her own skirt and hiked it all the way up. She didn’t wear fancy lingerie. She wasn’t groomed.

When she spread her legs, Kai was staring directly into the Amazon Rainforest.

It was a jungle. A thick, unkempt, black bushy triangle of hair that looked like it could trap small animals. It was a 1970s shag carpet. A literal furball.

’Holy texture,’ Kai thought, sweat pouring down his face. ’It’s... it’s glorious.’

Behold!’ Kai thought, trying to hype himself up. ’The... uh... Shortsword of Destiny!’

Emi looked at the pathetic meat-worm and rolled her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her head.

"Man, its still pathetic as that day, huh? That’s what I’m trading state secrets for?" she groaned. "Whatever. Just stick it in so you can talk."

She grabbed her own skirt and hiked it all the way up. She didn’t wear fancy lingerie. She wasn’t groomed.

When she spread her legs, Kai was staring directly into the Amazon Rainforest.

It