The Mob Character Who Woke Up!-Chapter 70: Caring Demon Roommate

And seeing those red blood eyes training directly on him like laser sights, Kaizen instinctively swallowed the entire paper ball in one gulp!

GULP.

"Ha ha ha. Nope, nothing at all. I wouldn’t swallow something that shouldn’t be swallowed, like for example a sticky note. Ha ha ha. Wait, I did not say sticky note just now. What I was trying to say is that in general, one should not swallow sticky notes. Bad, very bad, especially for demo— I mean, humans! Like me... and y-you because we are both humans obviously. Ha ha ha."

Kaizen accidentally triggered his own death flag with that almost saying "especially for demons" slip of the tongue, and he watched in slow motion horror as Klaus’s eyes began shining with dangerous intelligence, but the demon quickly seemed to dismiss whatever thought he was having.

Kaizen would have died right now. He genuinely would have, and only because of somebody’s thoughts and prayers did he miraculously survive this interaction.

Perhaps the reason the demon had not eaten him yet was purely practical.

Kaizen suddenly realized, with the kind of clarity that only comes to a man on the brink of digestive disaster, that for the past few days he had survived almost entirely on the unholy slop that Helga served in the cafeteria.

That gray, emotionally traumatizing paste that claimed to be stew but looked like regret.

If Klaus consumed him right now, there was a very real possibility that the Demon King Candidate would suffer catastrophic side effects. Not a dignified demonic affliction. Not some elegant curse backlash. No, something far more humiliating.

Violent diarrhea.

The image appeared in Kaizen’s mind with horrifying detail.

Klaus, regal and composed, sitting stiffly on a golden throne, only for his demonic dignity to be annihilated by cafeteria cuisine.

Kaizen almost lost it.

He felt the laugh rise up from his chest like a rebellious spirit trying to escape, bubbling dangerously close to the surface. His shoulders began trembling. His lips twitched violently.

He slapped both hands over his mouth.

Laughing here would mean death.

Instant death.

But he could only laughed even more awkwardly while the demon continued staring at him with those unblinking red eyes. Kaizen quickly grabbed his towel from the rack, held it up like a white flag of surrender, and announced loudly.

"Ha ha ha, this human, exactly like you and all the other humans, is going to take a relaxing bath now, dear human roommate. Bye bye!"

Kaizen speed-walked towards the bathroom door with stiff robotic movements and slammed it shut behind him, immediately clutching his racing heart and sliding down the door until he hit the cold tile floor.

He was dead now! He definitely should have been dead by now!

Back at the entrance of the room, Klaus finally stepped fully inside with a thoughtful expression on his aristocratic face.

"How strange. Did the human suddenly experience bathroom urgency? Poor fragile human, is that why he was acting completely insane just now? It was almost like he somehow knew my secret identity. But obviously, this human is not capable of that level of intelligent thought."

Klaus shook his head dismissively and stood there thinking for another minute, tapping his chin.

"What was that particular remedy written in Lord Alucard’s Human Interaction Manual regarding digestive irregularities? Yes, yes, the section concerning constipation and explosive diarrhoea incidents."

His crimson eyes narrowed in concentration as he mentally flipped through centuries of demonic knowledge, obscure field notes, and culturally questionable advice passed down from elders who believed humans were powered by soup and fear.

And then his eyes lit up.

"Ah. Of course. That specific remedy."

He snapped his fingers lightly and activated his spatial vault ring, which shimmered with dark mana as he rummaged through his inventory with the calm efficiency of someone selecting ingredients for tea.

After a few seconds of searching, his hand paused.

"Yes. This will do perfectly."

On his open palm, a large dead rat suddenly materialized out of thin air.

It appeared with a soft thud of displaced air, stiff, ancient, and deeply concerning in both form and aroma. Its eyes were gauged out, its fur patchy, and it looked like it had experienced several lifetimes of poor decisions before ending up in Klaus’s collection.

Klaus examined it with critical appreciation.

"According to the text, exposure to potent organic stimuli encourages internal realignment of the human digestive system. Yes, this is clearly the correct solution."

He smiled faintly.

"Hmm, upon seeing this generous gift, the human will surely thank me profusely for my thoughtfulness."

Klaus chuckled satisfied with his flawless logic and at his own incredible care for his roommate’s wellbeing and moved silently towards Kaizen’s bed like a ghost.

With delicate care, he lifted the pillow, gently slid the decomposed offering beneath it, and adjusted the bedding to perfection.

There was something profoundly wrong with how neatly he tucked it in.

He stepped back and folded his hands behind him.

"Hmmm, how strange, am I actually beginning to care about that pathetic human? Am I already becoming emotionally attached like these puny mortals with their feelings?

"Then I suppose it is actually a good thing for my research. I could learn many more valuable things about these creatures through careful observation!"

...

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Kaizen was fighting for his life.

He was sitting on the toilet, leaning forward with two fingers shoved dangerously close to his throat as he gagged aggressively, eyes watering uncontrollably and soul regretting every single decision that had led him to this exact moment of utter humiliation.

He had swallowed the sticky note.

Why had he swallowed the sticky note?

What kind of survival instinct was that?

He coughed violently, staring into the tiles like it had personally betrayed him and his entire bloodline.

He looked incredibly sus right now, and he suddenly remembered that sus banana guy from Lord Jason’s entourage who had been eating that banana in the most suspicious way possible.

He violently shook his head, desperately trying to forget about that guy and the way he had eaten that banana, no, violated that banana with his throat.

Then he suddenly remembered that the same banana peel had been turned into an omelet out of Lord Jason’s family jewels. He croaked out a quick smile even while he was retching at the memory of that glorious victory, but only managed to violently cough again.

"Come out! You are not part of the human digestive system! You don’t belong in there!"

He gagged again with renewed determination.

Tears streamed down his face in rivers.

If he somehow survived demons, academic rivals, and complete social humiliation only to choke on office supplies in a bathroom, he would never forgive the universe for this embarrassing death.

And somewhere in the bedroom just beyond the bathroom door, beneath a pillow of false security, a long-dead rat with gauged out eyes waited patiently to contribute absolutely nothing positive to anyone’s life.