The Outer God Needs Warmth-Chapter 214: Lost Dream (9)

After the rain stopped, a much cooler wind began to sweep through the space between the terraces.

A round ear with a white spot flicked once and twitched. It was the ear of a tiger beastman. Is that how it’s originally shaped?

And the ear flicking was likely an unconscious action before the conversation started. Kanna looked at me and opened her mouth.

“I knew you were amazing, but I never thought you’d show up at a place like this.”

“Is that so?”

Kanna gestured toward the outside and said that.

“You even healed the ‘Heaven’s Punishment.’ That means you can heal any disease or injury, right? Someone like you should be kept hidden.”

“Heaven’s Punishment.” This refers to a congenital disability. ❖ Nоvеl𝚒ght ❖ (Exclusive on Nоvеl𝚒ght) Kanna had one leg twisted from birth.

It was a kind of misfortune, but she overcame it to live well. Yet in the end, everything failed.

By coincidence, she contracted with me. Once done, it’s over, and it can’t be undone. The light is already filled with me, and warmth will never be released.

Do you feel sorry for her?

The more pitiful one is me.

The more unfortunate one is me.

If I were stranded in a snow-covered mountain and starving with nothing to eat, I would lean down to the corpse in front of me and start eating. This is what I’m talking about.

But I don’t intend to criticize someone who chooses to starve rather than eat. In fact, their gluttony resulted in a nobler decision, and I would respect that. Even if they criticized me, I would accept it.

So, if that person and I were the same, I would laugh at them inside. Oh, you missed your chance to eat. Your hunger will only get worse, but I’ve already eaten it all.

That’s what it means to not die.

That’s what it means to never end.

The truly horrifying part is that I’m the only one who can’t die.

Heh.

So, there’s no need to make it more terrifying. I’ll just hold onto warmth.

I won’t care about anything else, and I’ll focus desperately on not missing the most important thing.

If I miss that, I’ll end up crawling at the very bottom, sometimes eating the warmth that falls, like a bug.

“This isn’t such an amazing ability.”

“There’s no magic in this world that can cure Heaven’s Punishment. Even if you bring it back to perfect health, the twisted leg is considered normal. That’s its original state... If you forcefully fix it, it’ll just revert.”

I remember Kanna’s past.

She had iron rods inserted into her twisted leg to make it walkable, and healing magic was used.

It was a spell to close the hole, but the forcibly twisted leg went back to its original state. So she received some half-hearted healing magic. That’s why there’s a scar where the iron rods were inserted and removed.

She had surgery to allow her to walk, even when she couldn’t.

Even if there were magic that could erase the scars, she stopped using it, knowing that the leg would go back to its original shape.

Going that far for one leg didn’t make sense.

She had sold her humanity to gain a piece of candy.

But I didn’t reveal that. I took it from her by deceiving her, so I have no right to mock Kanna.

Therefore, I should at least take her seriously.

“But that was made to undo it. In fact, her condition is much better than before. I’m not just talking about walking or running. Her entire body, it’s stronger now.”

She particularly emphasizes the body part.

Considering her body was once inconvenient, she probably felt every change much more sensitively.

“It wasn’t my intention. When I gave myself, it just turned out that way.”

“Then, are you alright?”

Oh?

Ah, I see. I didn’t expect her to ask like that.

It’s because of my tone, isn’t it? If you just read the sentence, it sounds like I’m giving myself away, right? In this world, if someone gains something, someone else has to lose something. So, if you just listen, it sounds like I’m splitting myself.

But in reality, all I did was drop the cup of light into the sea called me. That’s why I can see the world through the harvesters’ eyes.

Right now, there are many directions I could answer Kanna’s question.

I could disguise myself as a benevolent figure like in a religion or say there’s no need to worry. But as I’ve done so far, I’ll just say the truth.

Some of the truth.

“It’s fine, Kanna. In fact, I don’t understand why the person who contracted with me becomes healthy.”

There are some speculations, though.

They come from great knowledge, from Daegon or the Ancient Heavenly Sovereign. But I have no intention of talking about that.

Light is the soul, and warmth is seen as the potential inside it.

The shrunken light will wander the world for an eternity like a bug.

Then, Kanna carefully asks me.

“So, is it okay to keep healing people like this?”

“Yes, I’ll share myself with anyone who wishes.”

I have no prejudices.

I don’t care about anything at all. As long as I can share warmth with anyone who comes to me.

“Right, so it’s not something forced?”

“That’s right, Kanna.”

Ah, I see.

I should behave a bit less human here.

“Kanna Temrane Shiodor. What I wish from my contractor is only one thing. Do what you want. Get what you desire and live a happy life. If possible, find a good man and have many children.”

As I said that, I pointed at Kanna, and her face turned bright red.

“What are you saying!”

“Considering your current body, there aren’t many men who wouldn’t come to you, right? This country has a monogamous and polygamous system, so I recommend sitting in a position where you can assert your authority. Females in lower positions are usually exploited.”

Kanna stared at me blankly and then raised her head. By her gaze, it didn’t seem like she was looking at something on the ceiling.

“No, you. That...”

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Kanna stammered, then lowered her head again, still with a red face. She cautiously opened her mouth.

“Isn’t that too blunt?”

“I’m not talking about sexual preferences, I’m talking about the prosperity of a species. Is that such an embarrassing topic?”

“Ah, yeah. I guess so.”

Her face turned red again. It seems my words hit her somewhere.

She fanned her cheek with her hand, as if it was hot.

“You’re really not human, are you?”

“That’s right. I’m no longer human.”

I used to be a human, long, long ago.

Once, I wondered if I might be the man in the faded memories beneath the sea. But that’s impossible.

There’s no memory of a blank time. It was I who felt the cold. I am the extension of that man in the faded memories.

If you are reading this translation anywhere other than Novelight.net or SilkRoadTL, it has been stolen.

There are no gaps in my memory, and there’s no memory of a time when the man had no memories.

Before the light rose in the sky, I was me.

I was human.

“Since we’re in a setting like this, let’s get married quickly.”

Kanna turned her head awkwardly. Since the conversation drifted here, I’ll push it deeply, making it something I’d rather not think about again.

I’ll pursue it.

“I know that many people marry their fiancés after graduating from the Royal Academy. But Kanna, you haven’t even gotten engaged yet.”

“No, why is this the conversation now?”

She asked that.

This is about my desires.

And Kanna’s sense of embarrassment.

Kanna healed, didn’t she? Yeah, she’s not the kind of person who would just throw things away after healing.

So, I’ll say this.

“I want the person who contracted with me to prosper widely. That’s why I make contracts with people. If times improve, the way to expand oneself is by having children, right? Humanity.”

Kanna seemed to have trouble understanding my words, so there was a brief buffering.

After blinking a few times, Kanna carefully asks me.

“Bell seems like a god.”

“No. Not like that.”

I’m speaking in such a way that it might sound like that. But hearing it directly, it makes me feel bad.

But maybe I was too blunt, as Kanna flinched.

“Bell, does he hate gods?”

Hmm, difficult question.

I don’t hate gods. But it’s not desirable to say that I hate gods here.

Even though the religious influence is faint in this world, the culture created by religion still exists.

The opposite of god is the devil, and that concept exists in this world. A monster that pushes the world into evil.

It’s a term that refers to me directly, but openly calling myself a bad guy is not a good approach. A good person who knows they’re a bad guy only exists in fiction.

“To be exact, it’s something that created me.”

Something that threw me deep under the sea and made me shiver in eternal cold.

“Ah, yeah. I think I understand.”

Hmm? Kanna nodded with a strangely sympathetic expression.

Ah, come to think of it, Kanna also had a bad relationship with her mother. No, it wasn’t even bad, they were just strangers.

Her mother was almost expelled from the Shiodor family for giving birth to a disabled child, and Kanna was abandoned by her.

The Shiodor family has multiple wives, and the strongest child inherits the family, so it’s no wonder the family failed.

It’s a bit harsh, but when the child born is a failure, that’s the result. So, Kanna empathized with my words about hating gods.

“In that sense, I do hate gods. I also dislike being called something like a god.”

Hipion seems to have noticed that.

As long as he doesn’t touch on sensitive matters, I’m fine with it.

Even if I need no ego, I still don’t like some things.

But Kanna tilts her head.

“Then why do you think the thing that created you is a god?”

Why do I think it’s a god?

“Because I was created before light existed.”

When I first shivered in the cold, there was no sky.

There was no light to be separated into the sky.

After shivering for a long time, one day, light suddenly shone, and I realized that was the sky. And only then did I realize I couldn’t rise, as if gravity was holding me down.

“If there’s someone who created me, it’s nothing but a god.”

But Kanna’s face turned pale.

“Is it okay for me to hear this right now?”

“Yes. It’s not something I need to hide, and it’s just a meaningless story, even if someone knows it.”

It’s a story that can’t be proven, so people will just call it nonsense. What would change if it’s the truth? I didn’t create the world, and nothing would change.

Actually, one thing does change.

The fact that I’m old.

“I’m older than I look.”

“That’s not just old, is it...”

“If it’s too much to handle, quickly find a good man.”

“The gap in the story is so big, it’s making me dizzy. Can you stop there?”

Alright, let’s stop here.

And with that, the short break on the terrace ended.