The Substitute Healer (BL)-Chapter 91: ‘W-what the…’

He only tilted his head, as if the question itself were absurd, and let the silence hang between them, cold and heavy like the falling snow.

While they stood face to face, Soren’s eyes glistened, teary and strained, though he did his best to hold the tears back.

Every blink threatened to let them fall, but he forced himself to look at Lyric, even if only through the haze of hurt.

All he wanted, always, was a place to belong, a reason to feel like he mattered and a purpose to make his existence feel alive instead of empty.

He had come north because he had been told he could be useful here, a potential asset, something more than just a name on someone’s roster.

And yet, standing here, face to face with the man whose anger he could never fully escape, Soren felt the crushing weight of failure pressing against him. He had been nothing but a burden. A baggage and someone who endangered himself and annoyed everyone around him, no matter how much he tried and that realization twisted inside him, burning hot and cold at the same time. 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝕨𝕖𝗯𝚗𝚘𝕧𝕖𝗹.𝗰𝗼𝕞

He had convinced himself that he was moving closer while pushing himself toward Lyric and the others, trying to earn even a shred of recognition or care but maybe that had been a lie.

Maybe all along he had only been wandering, clumsy and useless while believing he was reaching out when he was still just... there.

Present, but invisible in the ways that truly mattered.

"I tried my best, my lord... Why do you hate me so much?" The words broke out before he could stop them, trembling, fragile, but unshielded.

They hung in the air like fragile glass, waiting to be shattered because he had no idea if Lyric even wanted to answer or if the question would only make him angrier.

His lips quivered as he spoke, and his throat ached, but he forced himself to finish.

There was nothing left to protect and nothing left to hide.

For once, he couldn’t pretend that he was fine.

And as the snow continued to fall around them, drifting lazily onto their shoulders and into their hair, Soren felt the cold pierce him in a way that had nothing to do with the weather.

It was the weight of being seen and rejected at the same time, the impossibility of standing here, wanting to be enough, and realizing that maybe he never would be.

"I did everything His Grace wanted me to do. I attended to the wounded, I stayed out of everyone’s way, I never annoyed or bothered anyone but... why do people hate me so much? I didn’t... I didn’t do anything wrong, my lord. Or... did I, without knowing?"

The words came out trembling, and Soren didn’t try to hide them.

He let himself fall apart here, in front of the one person who despised him, and allowed the tears he had been holding in for so long to spill freely down his face. His shoulders shook with every sob, his hands gripping the snow, but he didn’t care.

The cold, the sharp rocks beneath him, even the bite of pain from the small cuts forming in his palms was nothing compared to the ache in his chest which made Lyric froze.

For a heartbeat, he couldn’t move.

He had never seen him like this before and it throbbed in his chest in a way he wasn’t ready for.

Annoyance flared first because Soren dared to cry in front of him and because he had always been frustrating, weak and impossible to read.

But underneath it, a different heat rose. IT’s something confusing, unsettling, and almost unbearable.

Without warning, that anger turned into motion.

Lyric stepped forward aggressively while closing the space between them in long, fast strides. His hand shot out and gripped Soren’s collar, hard enough to lift him slightly off the ground.

"You bastard! Don’t you know anything else to do but cry? What are you, a baby? For fuck’s sake, you’re a grown man so act like one!"

And then his strength followed through as he shoved Soren backward letting Soren hit the snowy ground making his fall rough with his palm scraping against a pointed rock hidden beneath the snow.

Then, Blood ran quickly across his skin, but he didn’t even flinch.

Nothing really mattered except the weight of Lyric’s anger, the way it pressed down on him and the way it made him feel... seen, in the only way he ever had.

Soren stayed where he fell with tears streaking down his face, breathing uneven and chest rising and falling with the force of his silent sobs.

His mind was numb, yet every nerve felt alive with tension. He had not thought to fight back as there was no fight left in him. He could only take it and let it happen, let Lyric’s anger and frustration wash over him because even though it hurt, even though it scared him, there was something impossible in it too,

a proof that Lyric cared, in the only way he knew how.

Lyric, for his part, stood over him with his chest pounding and hands trembling despite his harshness. He hated himself for the quick flare of emotion in his chest, hated Soren for forcing it out of him and hated the raw helplessness laid bare before him but at the same time, a part of him couldn’t look away.

Couldn’t stop noticing the small, trembling figure under his hands with the tears streaking down the pale cheeks, the way Soren’s chest rose and fell with unguarded fear.

For a long moment, neither moved.

The only sound was Soren’s soft, ragged breathing, and the distant whisper of snow falling through the branches above. The tension hung thick in the cold air, heavy enough that it felt like it could choke them both.

"Ah... my apologies for acting unsightly, my lord..." Soren said quietly.

Then, he rose to his feet while carefully brushing snow and ice from his cloak and patting at his robe as if tidying himself could erase the moment. He wiped at his tears with the back of his hand, smoothing his cheeks as best he could, making Lyric frowned with his forehead creasing and his mind twisting with confusion.

’What is he doing now? Was he trying to provoke me? Or was this... something else entirely?’ The calmness of Soren’s movements and the way he composed himself after breaking down, was unnerving.

Feeling irritated, Lyric just shrugged his shoulders and said," If you’re really sorry, then stay out of my sight. Or don’t appear in front of me again," Lyric snapped with voice tight with lingering anger. "You’re disgustingly ugly, for crying out loud. And if possible, don’t show yourself in front of me or my brothers again. I don’t even know why I’ve been trying to defend you from them. Maybe I was just too stupid to think—"

"I understand, my lord..." Soren said as he lifted his head while standing formally, his posture perfectly straight, as if he were a soldier being inspected.

Then, slowly, he met Lyric’s gaze directly. There was nothing childish in his expression, no trace of the small, trembling figure from moments ago.

Only... distance. It’s a cold, endless distance that made Lyric’s chest throbbed.

Again.

The words he had been about to speak, the sharp retort, threat and anger suddenly died in his throat. He opened his mouth to say, "How dare you, who do you think y..." but couldn’t continue.

Soren’s eyes, once pleading and fearful, now seemed hollow and hopeless.

’W-what the...’

For the first time, Lyric realized that he didn’t understand the person standing in front of him.

The boy he had teased, mocked and shoved to the ground... the one he had hated and yet defended, even if he hadn’t admitted it was no longer simply afraid and no longer simply submissive.

There was a weight behind his gaze now, something that neither anger nor tears could undo.

’I suppose this is it. I think I finally understand something...’ Soren thought while bowing deeply before Lyric along with his clear and unshakable decision.