Use Me Like A Drug (omegaverse bl)-Chapter 213: Am I selfish?

Yujun’s POV

I can’t fight.

I let him pull me into the car, everything blurs into one big movement and one big sound.

The shutter of cameras, the wave of the crowd leaving the burial ground and the smell of sadness, it all swallows up the grief I should be feeling. The tears I feel choking my throat aren’t coming, I just feel stuck, like I have been all my life.

My omega has gone deathly silent again, not moving or making a single noise, leaving me with nothing but emptiness.

I can barely smell myself, but my pup’s scent is strong in the car, like she’s comforting me even when I can’t supply her with my own scent.

I place my hand on my stomach reflexively and the alpha next to me follows the action; "don’t worry, everything is fine, your pup smells fine" he says and I don’t reply to his words. Everything is buzzing around me, and my brain is mush at the moment.

"The ride might be a bit long, the road is slightly congested" he says and smiles at me apologetically as he orders his driver to take us through a fast and less busy route out of the burial ground and to the hospital.

I don’t see the busy road: all I see is Yeon mom’s soft face, his usually elegant expression looked tired, his eyes were red around the edges from crying.

The Lord Hwang’s expression bothers me the most, he looked blank when he turned his husband away from me, and his face was strict and straight. But in the midst of it all, for a few seconds, he held my eyes...a silent conversation and gesture that killed all my fear.

They aren’t turning me away...I want desperately believe that that’s what he’s saying, I want to believe that he’s saying that I’ll be fine...right?

"We will be at the home soon after the hospital visit, and you can get all the rest you need and I’ll make sure you’re fine, okay?" Chan says and I look at him once, he keeps talking and talking like I asked him to be here.

He looks put together for a deranged man, his hair, his eyes, everything is put together but I have seen what he is capable.

Why hasn’t anyone put this mad man in a cage yet? Why does he have a medical license? How can I tear him to shreds the same way he’s doing to me?

The car comes to a stop at the hospital, and I quietly follow him in, numb and disconnected as I take each step.

The alpha looks proud to lead me into the hospital, and just like last time, the people in the hospital look happy to see him, smiling and greeting cheerfully.

They don’t know what he is, if only they knew the monster they adore this much, they will run for their lives and not look back for a minute...

I really want to scream and expose him, I want to break something and make everyone see just what he is, but my arms are weak.

We get to the front of the room I would carry out the tests and Chan gestures for me to get in but I don’t move.

"Come on" he says gently and I shake my head, slowly coming back to myself.

"No" I say quietly.

"Yujun, I understand that you’re upset about that man, but I’m here for you, in fact...we are all here" he says and I turn my head to see my father standing behind him.

What? How is my father here now?

I stumble backwards in fear, ready to run away and hide, but my father smiles as he comes towards me, arms stretched and eyes soft in a way I have never seen before.

’Threat’ my omega says, growling protectively as the threat my father made to make me abort my pup return to my memory. It is terrifying that the look in his eyes is too peaceful, it’s too good to be normal.

"Son! I haven’t seen you in a long time!" my father says and engulfs me in a hug, the hug is strange and alarms ring in my head, warnings to run.

"Son, I’m here now, that monster is out of the way and I will protect you" he says and I pull myself out of his arms, "let’s go, let’s go see my grandson and heir" he say and tries to take me into the room.

Again, is he thinking he would let me bring my daughter to suffer what I did in his home? My pup isn’t born yet and he is already calling her a ’grandson’.

I turn my head slowly to Chan and the alpha is smiling fondly at me and my father. They are both insane but my father would never stoop this low to be kind to me.

"What did you do to my father?" I ask Chan.

"I only told him about how much you have been through, an omega like you needs the support of everyone" he says and I put some distance between me and my father, "what did you do!"

"Why can’t I ever be enough for you? he hurts you but now I made him love you!" he says, bottom lip trembling and irritation fills me, pretender.

The devil in disguise as always.

"Undo whatever you did" I say and his face goes blank.

"Chan" I say and he doesn’t speak or blink, "undo whatever you did to him! you bastard, haven’t you done enough?" I ask and he blinks slowly like he’s just waking from a nap.

"I will do anything you want, I will do anything for you" he says.

"Then let me go"

"I’ll do anything but that" he says and in rage I grab a pen from his pocket and stab his arm, the alpha lets out a roar as he pulls it out.

He looks at me first before pulling it out and throwing it to the floor, letting the bloodstained pen bounce on the hard floor, and I watch as his face turn into something unrecognizable.

"I have been patient with you" he yells and grabs my neck, "and I have been patient with you" I yell back at him with a frown and the alpha hisses as I grab his hand off me and throw him far from me.

The small action brings a big toll and I hunch over, gritting my teeth and he rushes back to, always the savior, always the star.

"Don’t touch me" I hiss at him. I give him and my frozen father a once over before walking out of the hospital and into the car we came in.

The pain in my stomach is too much as I have to stay half folded till we get back to his home.

The silence is heavy between us even till I get to the stairs, ready to retire for the day. I’m too exhausted to take any more.

"You know, this is your problem, you are selfish, you never think of anyone else" Chan says loudly and I pause, hands folded into fists by my side.

"The Hwangs made their choice today, they walked away from you, meanwhile I gave you back your family" he continues.

"How many people will suffer for you, Yujun-ah, Hwang Jaehyun is dead...please consider your pup before you keep choosing to be selfish" he says.

I want to argue back but the pain my stomach agrees with him.

"Think about it" Chan says softly and walk away from me.

Clutching my stomach, I climb up the stairs and to the room that is meant to be mine, the emotions that had been locked up all day finally comes crashing down on me.

The tightness in my chest returns as I wheeze to let the pain go, I want to go back and lay on the bed, but sweat and grime from the previous days finally catches up to me and I go into the bathroom.

As I take off my clothes in front of the full length mirror with shaking hands, I stare at the curve of my body, my baby bump, my hips and when I finally take the shorts off completely...the only thing from the Hwang I loved on me apart from his mark, a crumpled paper, falls to the floor.

I pick it up and unwrap it slowly.

Things I want to say when I give Junnie the ring:

’Dear Choi Yujun, I can’t wait longer so I want to say will want to spend forever with you, will you marry me?’

He crossed out that one and wrote another.

’Let’s make my mom and dad jealous, they are already doing too much as the only couple in the family. Marry me, precious’

Pros of marrying me: I will buy tickets to Blackpink concert. Don’t kill this love, my love.

I still remember your ring tone!

I laugh softly as I blink away the tears filling my eyes and I remember the beautiful ring I had seen next to the paper.

I pat my pocket for it and almost start sobbing afresh when I find it missing.

"Jaehyun, you fool’ I whisper as I press my palms to the wall.

I feel a small sting on my neck, and when I place my hand to the mating bite on my scent gland, I feel a spark of stubbornness in my chest that isn’t mine and my head snaps up...

’That’s my mate’ my omega says.

"Jaehyun you, fool" I repeat, crying fully now.