I will marry you in a thousand years. - Chapter 42: Man-eating Trap (IX)

Yuan Xi had a dream about a sexual encounter, only to discover after a night of pleasure that it had all been real. After being shocked silly for a long time, he ran away.

Who would have thought that a big grown man like him would become pregnant and have a son?

The question was, who is the child’s father? It had been too dark for Lao Tzu to see clearly!

Also, what was this daily life system that has been attached to him?

Farming Skill
Ranching Skill
Harvesting Skill
Cooking Skill
Building Skill
Skinning Skill
Sewing Skill
Smithing Skill

… There was a never-ending row of categories.

老子 Lao Tzu: A way of referring to oneself, usually in angry or joking situations.

- Description from Novelupdates

In humanity’s final war against the Demon Lord, the strongest heroes fell—not by the enemy’s hand, but by their own, twisted into madness by a cruel illusion. Betrayal. Bloodshed. Despair… and then, silence.Only one person remained: Riley—the weakest warrior of them all. Powerless. Ignored. Forgotten.But he saw through the Demon Lord’s deception. The tyrant was on the brink of death—so weak even a fly could’ve finished him off.And Riley did just that, drawing every last ounce of strength to bite off the demon’s head.Victory? Not quite. A final, desperate strike from the Demon Lord pierced him from behind, killing him instantly.But fate wasn’t done with him yet.Riley awoke ten years in the past—when the online game [Apocalypse] was launched. Before demons descended. Before monsters overran the world.And this time, he wasn’t starting from nothing. He had a decade of experience—and a second chance.Even more shocking, he didn’t awaken his old D-rank Strength Boost talent. This time, he received something far more terrifying: an SSS-Rank Gluttony talent!He could now devour anything—monsters, items, talents, even traits—and gain their power.Ding![You have devoured: Iron Fang Wolf][Acquired: +4 Strength, +2 Agility, Skill: Bite (F-rank)][You have devoured: Goblin ShamanAcquired: +8 Intelligence, Skill: Mana Bolt (E-rank), Talent: Minor Spellcasting Efficiency][You have devoured: Flaming Salamander Drake][Acquired: +22 Endurance, Trait: Dragon’s Resilience, Skill: Flame Breath (C-rank)]Now, there is no demon, no god, no monster who will stand in his way. He will devour everything—and save the world.But the power of Gluttony was a double edged sword. If he wasn’t careful… he could be the one getting consumed.

Travel through the world of martial arts, get a god-level kidnapping system, and vow to be the number one kidnapper in the universe.

As long as you don’t want to tie it, there is nothing you can’t tie!

Guo Jing, your daughter has been kidnapped by Lao Tzu. If you don’t want me to do anything to her, you can exchange it with Jiuyin Zhenjing and Eighteen Palms of Subduing Dragon!

What, so obedient?

Then I’ll give you a grandson for free.

…………

Yang Guo, your aunt was kidnapped by Lao Tzu. If she knew the face, she would have cut up her own little penis!

What? Yin Zhiping, do you want to cut too?

Well, I will send you a dragon-slaying knife, cut iron like mud, and guarantee that there will be no pain!

…………

Duan Zhengchun, your wife and daughter have been tied up by Lao Tzu, hurry up and hand over all the martial arts secrets of Yi Yang Finger, Six Meridian Divine Sword, etc., and then kill yourself!

What? Want to have sex with your wives again before you die?

Fuck you, they have been scolded by Lao Tzu “Japanese…

- Description from novelbuddy

It’s not always the Asians who get isekaied. Very rarely does an American get chosen, though the lords of isekai have reasons for that. It’s time for John to remind them of those reasons.This story started as a gag. It is no longer a gag.