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... , like I'm about to have a fucking intervention with my reflection. "You are not going to fuck this up, Gabriel King," I tell myself, pointing an accusatory finger at my mirror self. "This is your one shot at being a normal college dude who doesn't jerk off thinking about his Mom's massive milkers."

Jesus Christ, I can't believe I just said that out loud, even to myself. The bathroom fan hums overhead, drowning out my self-loathing, thank God. Mom's still not home, one of her mysterious ...

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