The Substitute Bride and the Cripple - Chapter 75 - So Big and Hard

“CRASH!” the last sound he heard; the last image being the smile of his friends.Jotou Howllett, a twenty-one year old nobody who finds little to no purpose in his life, wants to be a freelancer to make it big whilst trying to avoid education. He spends his last day of freedom with his friends before he's forced by his parents to attend college. That last day became his true last day as a white light flashed and he opened his eyes in a coffin, suffocating. He, now she, found herself to be in the body of a woman who had recently passed away. Jotou comes to realize that she's no longer in her world and now is in some sort of fantasy world. The rampant problems in this world soon find themselves surrounding Jotou, from the magics to the monsters to the wars between kingdoms and cities. Jotou sets out to uncover how she got here, why is she here, is she stuck here? Alongside the companions she finds in her way.

I found myself in a parallel universe, awakening as a male priest. Everything seemed perfect; after all, as a healer, specializing in aiding women should pose no issue, right? However, I couldn’t help but wonder about some peculiar spells in my repertoire.

Firstly, what in the world is the “Instantaneous Outbreak of Acute Gastroenteritis” spell? And don’t even get me started on the “Osteoporosis” spell. What purpose could these serve in my healing endeavors? The confusion only deepened with spells like “Blood Burn,” “Gradual Freeze,” and “Mental Chaos.” Can I still peacefully focus on healing women with such ominous abilities?

Comparing my spells to those of other professions, I couldn’t help but notice the stark contrast. Mages wield “Doomstorm” and “Ice Age,” swordsmen boast “Sword Rain: Homecoming” and “Wind-Cutter Slash,” while archers showcase “Arrow Rain: Shooting Stars” and “Storm Arrow.” Yet, my ultimate spells are disturbingly named “Cancer Cell Proliferation,” “T-Virus Infection,” and “Rabies Outbreak.”

In the midst of it all, a certain character, some crying girl, laments, “Noooo, I just took a bath, who would have thought that I would become infected!”

Meanwhile, a villain chillingly asks, “Do any of you know what it feels like to burst apart while spouting blood? No! You don’t know!”

Even a boss character confesses, “Dear family, who can understand? I just took a nap, and when I woke up, I suddenly found that I have no kidneys!”

“Master, Xingchen Zi said his master refined a treasure—a huge boat that flies in Heaven—and only his master knows how to do it. Is that true?”“It's true.” Cao Zhen glanced at the super-large flying peak beneath his feet and nodded.“Master, have you heard? The Jiao dragon on Azure Dragon Peak seems to have the potential to become a Golden Dragon!”“Just scoop up an Azure Dragon from our family's Fengshui pond and play with it. Don't interrupt me while I'm cooking.”“Master, I've heard that...”“No matter what you've heard, go to my room and look around, everything... ah, wait a moment, let your senior sister come out first.”

The servant looked at the grieving princess. “Your Highness, the Regent Prince sent your scholar fiancé to the Western Butcher’s daughter!” 

The princess gritted her teeth, speaking to her servant that it matters not as she has other suitors in line. Many days later, much to her dismay, the servant ran in a hurry. “Your Highness, the Regent Prince expressed his intention of becoming your suitor! All other men in line were sold to Gou Lan Red District!”

The princess was distressed. She said to her servant it matters not. She’ll soon be married to Prince Fuma. Then the uneventful came. The servant once more ran to her, almost tripping in the process. “Your Highness, Prince Fuma was imprisoned at home! Meanwhile, there’s a red sedan chair waiting at your residence for your marriage! It was led by the Regent Prince!

The princess was stunned. For a day such as this to come, it seemed impossible. This nothing but a sad story of a female boss crossing back in time to hold the thick thighs of the big boss. But while raising him, she was eaten in the process.

- Description from Novelupdates