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... the kitchen door or the bathroom. Somewhere loud and uncomfortable. Tell them it’s all you have available, even if better tables are empty.

"Their orders should take an unusually long time. Bring the wrong dishes initially—apologize profusely, of course, but let it waste their time. When the correct food finally arrives, it should be slightly overcooked or underseasoned. Not inedible, but disappointing.

"The service should be inattentive. Let their water glasses stay empty. Forg ...

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