[BL] A Marriage Ruled by Family, Saved by Desire-Chapter 45: Fractured Hearts, Mended Souls

~Alistair’s POV~

"You hit me," he murmured, his voice cracking. "You actually hit my face."

"You called me names!" I screamed, my own voice breaking.

"You’re so desperate, aren’t you?" he said, his voice trembling with a mix of grief and rage. "You see one tiny opening, and you grab it. I know I’ve been going through hell. I know I put myself in this mess. But instead of helping me fight for us, you’re already finding a way to leave me behind. Is that all your love was worth?"

The guilt surged in my chest, he was trying to make me the villain for reacting to his own failures. I opened my mouth to defend myself, to tell him that he was the one who pushed me into Andrew’s arms, but a sharp knock at the door cut the tension.

"Master Alexander. Master Alistair. Your father requests your presence in his study. Immediately."

The maid’s voice was the final hammer.

Alex’s legs gave way, and he collapsed onto the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands as he began to sob deep, broken sounds of a man who had finally reached his limit.

I didn’t reach out to comfort him. I couldn’t afford to be soft, not when I was still bleeding from his words. I smoothed the wrinkles out of my clothes with trembling hands, my heart a leaden weight in my chest. I turned toward the door, taking a few cold, calculated steps, determined to leave the wreckage of our room behind.

I was just about to walk out when his voice cracked through the silence behind me, raw and hollow.

"How did we get here, Alis?"

I froze, my hand hovering over the doorknob.

"You hit me," he murmured, a jagged sob catching in his throat. "You struck my face... and you’re just walking out? You don’t even feel a spark of remorse, do you? Not even for that."

I closed my eyes tightly, the sting of my own palm still burning as much as his accusation. He was sitting there broken, trying to make my one moment of snapped control the ultimate sin, while conveniently forgetting the mountain of betrayals that had led us to this floor.

I didn’t turn around. If I looked at his tears, I might lose my edge, and right now, my edge was the only thing keeping me upright.

"We got here because you stopped protecting us, Alex," I said, in a low, cutting tone. "And remorse? I’m too tired to feel anything at all."

I reached for the handle, ready to escape the suffocating air of our room, but I never made it. Before I could take a single step, I felt him. Alex moved with a sudden, desperate speed, his arms wrapping around my waist from behind and pulling me back against his chest. He held me with a terrifying strength, as if he were a drowning man and I was his only lifeline.

Then, the silence broke. He buried his face into the crook of my neck, and I felt the hot, heavy soak of his tears through my shirt.

He didn’t speak; he just sobbed, his entire body racking with a grief so deep it made my own heart stutter. I stood there, frozen, my hand still hovering near the door, but my resolve began to fray. Little by little, the ice around my heart started to hairline-fracture. I didn’t push him away. I let him hold me until his frantic gasps smoothed out into ragged, exhausted breaths.

"I’m a fool, Alis," he finally choked out, his voice raw and stripped of all pride. "I’m a coward. I’ve been so terrified of hurting my mother’s feelings, so weak in the face of her demands, that I ended up destroying the only person who actually matters. I let her win. I let her push me around like a child, and I watched you suffer for it."

He tightened his grip, his fingers digging into my hips as if he feared I would vanish. "And the things I said... the names I called you..." He let out a broken, pathetic sound. "I’m so sorry. God, Alis, please. You know I’m an idiot when I’m scared. I was so jealous, I saw that man’s hands on you and I lost my mind. I couldn’t handle the thought of someone else seeing what I see, touching what is supposed to be mine. It was pure, ugly jealousy, and I took it out on you because I didn’t know how to deal with the pain of seeing you move on."

He pulled back just enough to press his forehead against the back of my head, his voice trembling. "Please... I’m begging you. Don’t give up on us. Don’t look for someone else. I’ll get better. I’ll be the man you deserve. I’ll find the strength to stand up to her, to protect this marriage, to be the shield I was supposed to be. Just don’t go to another man."

His voice dropped to a desperate, possessive rasp. "I’m selfish, Alis. I’m so goddamn jealous and possessive that the thought of another man touching you makes me want to burn the world down. I can’t lose you. I won’t survive it. Please... stay with me. Let me prove it."

The raw honesty in his plea sent a warmth through me, slowly melting the anger I had clung to. Beneath the fire, the softness I had been keeping locked away started to stir again, timidly reaching the surface. Tentatively, I turned in his arms, testing the fragile truce between us.

I stare up at him, at his reddened eyes, the tear stains on his cheeks, and the faint, red mark of my hand on his face. My heart gave a painful, heavy thud. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t see the man who had failed me; I saw the man who was terrified of a world without me.

But I couldn’t just let the walls crumble like that. I pouted, my lip trembling as the sting of his earlier words returned. "You called me cheap, Alex. You looked at me like I was nothing."

"I’m sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking. "I was just so jealous, Alis. I lost my mind."

I looked at him, and the dam finally broke. "You felt jealous once and you said those horrible things to me? What about me, Alex? Do you even realize how many women your mother has tried to throw at you while I stood there? How many times I’ve had to watch you be "polite" to her while my heart was being torn to pieces?"

Tears began to stream down my face, hot and unstoppable. "Do you even know how much I was hurting? Every time she pushed those women toward you, every time you didn’t pull away fast enough... it felt like a thousand needles. And I stayed silent. I swallowed my pride and my pain because I was so scared that if I fought back, I’d lose you. I loved you so much that I let myself be humiliated over and over again."

I choked on a sob, my hands clutching his damp shirt. "It’s not fair, Alex. What you felt today, that burning, suffocating knot in your chest, is what I’ve been living with every single day, every time your mother tried to push a woman on you. You couldn’t handle it for an hour, yet you expected me to endure it for months. Every hurt I felt, I buried for you. And the one time I finally react, you turn on me?"

Alex looked at me, his own face crumbling as the weight of my words sank in. "I’m so sorry, Alis. I didn’t truly understand. I was blind... but I see it now. I see what I’ve put you through."

I reached up, my fingers trembling as they brushed the mark on his cheek. "And I’m sorry for hitting you," I sobbed, locking eyes with him. "It scares me, Alex. It scares me that I could even do something like this. Don’t you see? Slowly, bit by bit, our marriage is slipping away. It’s turning toxic, ugly... I don’t want my home to feel like this. I can’t watch us become enemies. I just... I don’t want..."

Before I could spiral further into my grief, Alex leaned in and captured my lips with his. The kiss was raw and urgent, carrying the taste of tears and whispered promises. He pulled back just an inch, murmuring against my lips, "Trust me, baby. This time, I will make everything right. I’m going to be the man you need. Just give me one more chance to prove myself, okay? Just one."

I nodded weakly, the last of my strength leaving me. "Okay, baby."

We stood there, locked in a tight embrace, the world outside our door forgotten for a few precious minutes. I pulled back slightly and raised my hand to his face again, gently tracing the reddened skin where I had struck him. I leaned up and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to the spot, whispering an apology against his skin.