[BL] Debut in Interstellar After Retiring as Grim Reaper-Chapter 273 - 271: Messages (1)

Chapter 271: Messages (1)

As his departure couldn’t be stopped anymore, the trainees decided to have a proper goodbye conversation with Qin An.

Shen Lou decided to go first. Now that everyone went out, he quickly asked what was going on. Qin An also didn’t hide the secret from him and explained the whole situation of his leaving.

Hearing the truth, Shen Lou went silent for a few seconds before speaking.

"Then I should go with you too."

Qin An paused. "What?"

"I can help too." Shen Lou’s expression turned solemn. "You said back then that I’m one of the people who has this ability, so I will be a great help." When the young man opened his mouth to object, Shen Lou continued his words.

"I know I’m not really capable. I haven’t even fully understood the real purpose of this ability but I am also willing to take the risk and join the mission too, Anan."

Shen Lou was really serious about his words. After knowing the purpose of this sudden ability, he had been thinking about it. Many times he questioned why him?

When he was a bit younger and noticed his interest towards a different path than what his family took, Shen Lou felt afraid.

He’s afraid of the changes within him and he’s afraid to risk the new path that no one drew for him. Being an idol is totally different from how his family wanted him to be.

Although his family approved and he gained that freedom, there’s still the lingering guilt inside his heart.

He just felt like unlike his family, he doesn’t seem that much interested in doing something for the country. At first he thought this was just his selfishness. How could he even think about this when his family was one of the great pillars in the military?

Since he was young, Shen Lou had witnessed every sacrifice of the people around him. He had long known their endurance and their love for whatever they’re doing and he admired that.

But he seemed to be trapped in his own circle and just couldn’t fit in. He tried to and even studied about mechas but everything just went in vain because he gave it up half-way.

He was also once supposed to be the heir of the family who will carry the glory and continue to serve but he felt like he chose cowardice. He didn’t even try and thought that maybe he could really do it. Shen Lou just decides to quit and continue his life as if he never did anything wrong.

For some people, it may look like how passionate he was to completely give up what others want to write about his fate but he doesn’t think so. Because the moment when he just decided to quit, it was his family who suffered the most.

His father’s disappointment... and his sister’s agony. Now that he also knew how his existence pulled out all the plans that she made and when she started to accept it and find her way again, she was pulled back again forcefully as if just someone who was discarded but found useful again.

His sister had even this ability earlier and given how young she was, how could she endure all the horror she saw alone? If he wasn’t selfish, she could walk away from the road where death was inseparable. She could have gone to the place where she can at least feel safe.

While many thought of him as someone who’s skilled and even an outstanding young master, for him, beneath this facade of arrogance, all he could feel was his cowardice.

Thus now that he felt this was an opportunity to him, he doesn’t want to hide anymore. Shen Lou wanted to prove himself now.

He can also do it.

"No."

Shen Lou’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard Qin An’s refusal.

"Anan! I can do it too!" His refusal seemed to inject something to Shen Lou and his expression suddenly turned anxious. "I won’t become a burden to you. I will do everything I can— j-just..." The young man’s voice cracked without a signal as he also grabbed Qin An’s wrist unconsciously.

Shen Lou looked at Qin An with a full determination on his face. "Let me face the fate I turned back to years ago."

"...." Qin An was silent.

The firmness on Shen Lou’s eyes was very different from how he usually sees him. Qin An saw a different acceptance in his eyes and knew that the young man in front of him will do whatever it takes to join the mission.

Qin An understand his feelings too. Right when he learned he had to take this responsibility again as a grim reaper, he denied it firmly.

That was the fate that he thought was given to him without his acceptance so all those years he did it cleanly but never with a heart. It wasn’t that ’forced’ but like Shen Lou’s situation, it was something that he couldn’t fit into.

So he was very happy that he chose this new path as a human. But just as he was feeling it right, the circumstances around him made him think otherwise.

He has to do it again. Not out of the unshaken responsibility but because of the will to embrace that again.

However...

"You still can’t." In the end Qin An didn’t agree. Before Shen Lou could speak, Qin An decided to explain the situation again calmly.

"Shen Lou, this is not just about our willingness to shoulder something nor about the ability we have. You are staying here because the world still needs you... in case something will happen to us."

"W-What?" Shen Lou’s eyes widened in shock.

"It’s not just me but also Commander Su and Lieutenant Commander Shen will come. This mission has a danger that we didn’t even know about, so we have to be sure."

"But they also haven’t learned the ability well, right? Why can they join? Was it because they are soldiers and have experience?" Shen Lou continues to ask further.

He definitely knew that he lacks fighting experience that the two mentioned but he just somehow couldn’t accept it right away. Shen Lou just felt a bit upset over this truth.

"In addition to that, there’s also a main reason why you can’t go." Qin An sighed. "As I’ve told you, this mission doesn’t have a high possibility of success. If something happens to us, what will happen if everyone who has the special ability will go? Who will help in the future? Shen Lou, we also need to guarantee everything."

Even Qin An is uncertain because he knows that his body has a limit. Overstimulating himself will not do good for his body but he has to. In any case, they still have Shen Lou and Nan Xing. He believed that humans can study their ability just like how they survived in this new era.

Shen Lou was speechless at his words and his hand holding Qin An’s wrist fell out. Sensing his grievance, Qin An suddenly didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t know how to comfort the young man because unlike He Yan that he could just pat in the head, Shen Lou isn’t someone who likes that.

At the end of his hesitation, he raised his hand and put it on the latter’s shoulder then began patting it lightly.

"I’m sorry," was all he could say.

****