(BL) Mafia Love; He who falls the hardest loses-Chapter 182: Unwanted Visitor

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Hiroshi took deep breaths as he wore his usual warm expression. "Could you let go of my hand?"

Haruki seemed taken aback by the change in his tone as he released him.

"Why did you come over, sir?" he asked respectfully.

It was Haruki’s turn to be frustrated as his gaze turned even colder. Haruki parted his lips to speak but pressed them together instead and took a deep breath.

"I came over because you have been helping me. You killed Aiichiro. You told me to accept the inheritance, and I got the pictures and the laptop he used to wiretap my environment."

"I did it because you asked me to," Hiroshi replied.

"No," Haruki shook his head. "It was not an official request. I didn’t force you to. You did it because you wanted to. Why are you suddenly acting cold?" Haruki asked.

"You are my employer; I dare not act coldly," Hiroshi replied, his tone calm, warm, and respectful.

There was no way Haruki wouldn’t feel like he was punching a cotton bag with Hiroshi’s responses.

"I want us to go back to the way we were before," Haruki said, defeated.

Hiroshi held back a scoff. A contracted lover? One he keeps as a mistress? He didn’t want any of that. His greed was what led to his heartache. He should have been satisfied sleeping on Haruki’s bed, but with every encounter, he wanted more.

He began seeing a future with Haruki until everything shattered in Haruki’s office. He couldn’t blame Haruki, but he knew he had to move on. The past was beautiful. Falling in love with Haruki was great; he enjoyed the feeling of his heart beating fast, and he enjoyed those butterflies, but he was tired.

The moment he began hoping for more was the moment he ruined it all. He began wanting Haruki for himself when that was impossible. He began dreaming, and that dream ruined the joy he got from the small things Haruki did that made his heart flutter.

Those dreams and hopes were the bane of his love. They ruined it, and he could never go back to the way things were. He had been trying to move on from the past. To unlearn his feelings. To unlearn how to love to the most extreme end.

Killing Aiichiro was the last thing he wanted to do to completely free himself from his feelings for Haruki. The deed was done. Aiichiro was dead, and he had begun the process of freeing himself, but Haruki wanted to go back to the past.

He sighed and shook his head.

"No."

The doorway remained silent after his firm response. It felt like a heavy weight was lifted off his chest.

This was not the first time he fell in love, but this was the first time he truly loved someone. He had loved Haruki too deeply. It was crazy.

That word of rejection felt like an awakening spell, making him look back at how much he truly loved Haruki. Only less than a month ago, he had truly believed he could not live without Haruki.

He fell too deeply. He didn’t regret it. It made him happy in a heart-wrenching manner. He had loved with all his heart. It hurt even more to realize all of it was not appreciated. It was still a beautiful experience, but he knew it would take him months, maybe years, to truly free himself.

"No?" Haruki asked after a long stretch of silence.

It felt like Haruki was questioning his resolution. Something as beautiful as loving and getting loved—why would anyone want to let go of it? Unless they had been pouring their love endlessly into a black hole. It was all pointless.

He felt a part of him wanted to try harder to make Haruki love him. Haruki had called off the engagement. Maybe he still stood a chance.

Realizing his pathetic thoughts, he laughed and replied, "No. I don’t want to go back to the way things were in the past."

He made his answers clear to the beautiful being before him.

Haruki stepped closer to him and gripped the back of his neck. He pulled him closer and sealed their lips in a deep, passionate kiss. Hiroshi could feel every cell in his body melt to the touch, to the warmth and the wetness of their connection.

He was desperate for more. His body temperature increased, and blood flowed downwards. Haruki smelled like his shower gel. The man smelled like him, yet the smell was so intoxicating. His whole existence screamed for more.

Before he could stop himself, his hands wrapped around Haruki’s waist. He pushed the man’s body to the wall as the kiss deepened. He wanted the soft fabric off Haruki’s body. He wanted to touch him everywhere, but . . .

The rope gave up to Hiroshi’s fast fingers. His lips left Haruki’s lips for his neck. He stopped.

This is not right. He had promised to move on. He deserved a reciprocated love. Haruki’s hands around his neck pulled him closer, but he didn’t budge. He looked away from Haruki’s flustered cheeks, from his alluring eyes, and from his red lips.

Haruki’s hands lost strength as they lay limp on his shoulder. He pulled away, and they didn’t stop him this time.

"Why?" Haruki asked in disbelief.

"I don’t want to do this with you anymore. Our contract has ended. We are nothing to each other."

"Was our relationship all about the contract? Did you find someone new?"

Hiroshi wanted to respond positively to Haruki’s second question, but the pain he saw in those eyes made it impossible. They had signed in the contract that they were allowed to move on if they found someone new.

"Why did you agree to kill Aiichiro if you weren’t interested anymore?"

"You reminded me of my mother. I did it because I had the power and resources to help you."

"You killed someone for me," Haruki reminded him.

"Yes, I did," Hiroshi replied.

He became a murderer because of Haruki. He took someone’s life because of this man. He knew if he continued down this rabbit hole, he would do worse. He might hurt himself or maybe Haruki. This was the best place to stop.

"I did it because you reminded me of my mother. I didn’t want to shoulder the guilt of you losing the battle with Aiichiro since I knew what he had planned. If I didn’t stop it, I knew I would never be able to escape the guilt."

"That settles it; we should get back together then," Haruki said, meeting Hiroshi’s gaze.

Hiroshi exhaled tiredly. It felt as though all he had said meant nothing to Haruki, as though he had spoken a different language.

"Did you understand what I said?" Hiroshi lost his composure as the question slipped out of his lips. He was trying hard to maintain a professional relationship with Haruki since he had no intention of resigning, but Haruki was making it harder for him to show respect.

"I understood. That’s why I said we should go back to the way we were," Haruki replied, stepping close to Hiroshi.

Hiroshi dodged the hand that reached for his wrist. "Why would I want to go back to the way things were in the past? Why?!"

Heavy silence blanketed the doorway as they stood staring into each other’s eyes. Hiroshi’s eyes were slightly reddened, rage evident in his gaze, while Haruki looked desperate as though he wasn’t willing to let go.

Hiroshi hated that he was seeing an emotion that shouldn’t be in Haruki’s eyes. "You don’t even love me. Why don’t you find some other lover? I am not that special."

Those words were a reminder to himself to stop hallucinating. To stop misreading Haruki’s emotions. Why would Haruki be desperate?

"It has to be you," Haruki replied, stepping even closer to Hiroshi.

Those words rang like a bell in his ears. His tensed shoulders relaxed, he was hopeful, and his heart pounded. He allowed Haruki to hold his wrist. It was a light hold, one he could easily shrug off, but he stayed still.

He met Haruki’s gaze. "Do you love me?" Hope and anticipation dripped in every syllable pronounced.

He watched Haruki freeze and release his hand. "Why? Why do you have to include love?" Haruki held his wrist again, but this time, in a tighter grip. "I will never fall in love with you; you simply belong to me."

Hiroshi could swear he heard something shatter. All the hope he had was gone. He winced. It hurt so much; every part of his being ached. It was more pain than he experienced when Haruki rejected him in his office.

This was the poisonous aftereffect of failed hope. Especially a hope reborn from a promise. It had to be him, but Haruki could never love him?

It had to be him to watch Haruki get married and have kids while playing the role of a lover that can’t be brought to light. Heartbreak thoroughly came with physical pain.

He gasped as the air around him felt too thin and insufficient.

"Please leave," Hiroshi’s shaky voice pleaded. His chest felt tight. His knees barely supported him as he pulled away from Haruki’s hold. He walked back into the living room. "Please leave!" he shouted in frustration when he heard no movement behind him.