(BL) Mafia Love; He who falls the hardest loses-Chapter 183: That Important Word

Dragging his weak limbs, he headed to the study and locked the door behind him. His back pressed against the door with the clicking sound of the lock.

A loud voice in his head scolded him for being disrespectful to Haruki. It berated him for dumbly hoping for anything more when Haruki had made it clear that love couldn’t be a word between them.

Running his fingers through his hair, he blamed himself for everything. Haruki had not been pretentious about what he wanted. He made it clear from the day they signed the contract.

He was stupid enough to hope for something more and earned a befitting reward. He let out a short laugh. It was painful. The rejection hurt, but he knew he could not blame Haruki.

Haruki didn’t give him hope; his delusions did. And those illusions had led him to think and hope for something more. Haruki’s role was simply existing in his space.

The beautiful man had effortlessly captivated him. And in that ethereal captivity, he had hoped for more. He wanted to be loved by the man. He wanted to tell the man how much he loved him and listen to him confess how much he was loved.

A thin, humorless laughter scraped against his throat. He closed his eyes, his head pressed against the door. Not a single tear ran down his cheeks as much as he wanted it to.

Unable to hold his aching frame against the door anymore, he slumped to the floor. Yet his eyes remained tear-starved.

***

"Why is he so desperate to include love?" Haruki murmured. He tightened the rope around his waist and walked to Hiroshi’s room. He wore his clothes, took his things, and left the house without unnecessary delays.

His hands shook as he called his assistant to drive him back home. Kiyoshi arrived almost immediately. The air was tense and quiet in the car.

Haruki replayed everything Hiroshi had said. He knew he could have very easily ended it all with those words of confession. I love you.

He had to say those words to appease Hiroshi, but he went the difficult way by refusing to say them. He questioned himself. Was this outcome okay? Was he going to accept being without Hiroshi forever simply because he could not confess to the man the words he wanted?

Even though he knew that this was not the result he wanted, he could not bring himself to go back. It was certain that Hiroshi didn’t want him in his life anymore.

It was over; he could only think about nursing his ego hurt from the blatant rejection. Well, that was what he thought it was.

Hiroshi, who had promised not to escape if he locked him up, has refused to stay by his side freely. That was the only thought he had when he wasn’t thinking about work or family matters for days.

It felt like betrayal. He had told Hiroshi he wanted no one else but him. He made his choice clear, but over a confession, Hiroshi had sent him off in a very disrespectful manner.

Despite that, he could not bring himself to hate Hiroshi; in fact, the man made him worried after a week; his ego couldn’t hold him back, and he called Aki.

Aki picked up the call almost immediately and greeted him with a cheerful voice.

"Have you heard from your brother recently?"

"No, I went on a trip with my girlfriend. Oh . . . that’s right. Do you know I’m dating Miyoko now?"

Haruki felt no need to listen to anything Aki had to say, so he said a few perfunctory words and hung up.

He decided to ask Kiyoshi to find out. Hiroshi had been on leave for a week since the day he went to him and only returned back to work a couple of days ago. Seeing the picture on the screen of the tablet, Haruki clenched his fist.

Why was he the only one who seemed affected by the verbal altercation they had that day? He was losing his mind, and it seemed the doctor was back at work with his warm smile and kind eyes.

That man should have been his. He frowned as a thought crossed his mind. Maybe he should get the man locked up and see if Hiroshi will escape.

He sighed at the suggestion, remembering Hiroshi killed Aiichiro. What was the point of being with a man who hated him? He massaged his brow but couldn’t ease the headache he felt.

"Are you okay?" Kiyoshi asked worriedly.

"I am fine," he replied before dismissing Kiyoshi. When Kiyoshi left the room, he looked down at the time on the screen, which was one hour past midnight.

He hadn’t had a good sleep since that night. He was desperately in need of rest, but he could not bring himself to sleep with all the effective methods he had used in the past.

He could not get prescribed sleeping pills either. A part of him didn’t want him to let Haruki know about his insomnia. He placed the tablet down and went to his bed. 𝚏𝐫𝚎𝗲𝕨𝐞𝐛𝕟𝚘𝐯𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝗺

Even after an hour of keeping his eyes closed and body relaxed, he was still asleep. When he finally fell asleep, it was dawn.

Having to wake up an hour later felt tiring.

It continued this way, but as he got busier at work and needed as much rest as he could get, he asked Kiyoshi to get him the sleeping pills. That was not a difficult task for Kiyoshi to handle.

Haruki finally got his sleep, but something was missing. It was as though he had gone back to the past without someone to focus on. No, it was worse.

He could not imagine being with any other person as he had in the past, as that hollow feeling persisted. He soon came to the conclusion that he needed an outlet for frustration.

He had succeeded in launching the project to dissolve the underworld businesses. He started a foundation under an alias to provide ex-Yakuza members with the resources they needed to reintegrate into society.

A good portion of the money he inherited from Aiichiro was deposited into that foundation to provide financial support of all kinds, including scholarships and business capital, to them.

Despite all these financial and social supports, a few of them with very serious criminal records, fugitives rejecting new identities, and some that enjoyed the underworld too much to leave, wanted to remain.

A great group like theirs that had been in existence for generations was very easily diffused by Haruki leaving the faction that chose to stay.

Those who chose to stay had to be watched closely and led to ensure they don’t implicate their legal business. Some of the family members hated letting go of their men, but since that was his grandfather’s wish, it had to be done.

Ren’s successor chose to remain to lead those who chose to stay. Haruki made him swear never to take in any new members, which would lead to the eventual end of the organization.

It was dangerous to be without the support of the underworld, but Haruki was determined to cut ties. He still had the security company under him. He still had very strong, trained men retired from government and underworld organizations.

He busied himself with this. He got very involved in all decisions made and encouragement even when he didn’t need to. It was work; it kept him busy. It kept his mind too busy to think about Hiroshi or anything else.

Everything was sailing smoothly. They had the silent support of the government.

After almost impulsively starting a new project to keep himself busy again, he realized he had been overworking himself and needed to rest.

He laughed mockingly and shredded the project on which he had just signed his approval. He grabbed his coat and left the office.

It was a few minutes past eight, and he was still in the office. Seeing his staff also cautiously waiting for him to leave, he felt guilty.

Rather than causing others discomfort, he decided to vent somewhere else. He also made a mental note to tell them to leave, as he was dealing with some other things.

"I think you need to rest," Kiyoshi told Haruki when he asked to drive.

"I am going to rest. I drive myself back home when I am done."

Kiyoshi didn’t try to persuade Haruki. He was almost certain that what was happening was related to Hiroshi. He felt the urge to ask Haruki if he wanted another lover, but he could not bring himself to verbalize those words.

When Haruki drove off, he got into the car behind, and they went after Haruki.

He went to the underground fighting ring he used to frequent. This was not the first time Haruki was doing this, but this time, he spent a longer time talking to the manager and his opponent.

He knew Haruki wanted to vent, but there was also that familiar desire to rest in Haruki’s eyes. Ren was gone, and Haruki didn’t have an heir. It would be hell for Yugen Holdings if Haruki goes unconscious or dies.