(BL) Taming the Field Guide-Chapter 125: A man holding his whole heart

Brent knew it was cliche, he knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was finding that he was having a harder time controlling his emotions lately. He was going to blame it on the stress he was under.

"Is that really you?" Brent asked, breathless. The soft, quiet chuckle on the other side made Brent’s knees go weak.

"Yes, it’s really me." Sergei’s voice washed over Brent like a warm breeze. Brent closed his eyes, his hand tightening on the phone. Brent let out a shaky breath.

"It’s so good to hear your voice." Brent knew he sounded like a damn fool. He knew that just the tone of his voice gave away his feelings, but fuck it, he’d been through hell and back. They’d both had. It was okay to reveal that much.

"You’ve taken the words from my very mouth." Sergei’s response was just so...Sergei. Brent let out a laugh then realised that tears were streaming down his face. He hadn’t even realised it, but yeah, it made sense.

"How are you? How am I even able to hear you? Henry told me you were still on the front lines when I spoke to him. Is everything stable now?" Brent asked. He knew that there were other things that they should speak of, things that he didn’t want a bunch of nosy Espers overhearing, so he was going with safer topics.

"Sakura has come down to relieve me from the front lines. It’s her turn to attempt to push back the poison still seeping from the gate. However, we’ve done a very good job at stabilizing it outside of tackling the boss inside. The Saturn Guild would have gone scorched earth inside if we hadn’t stepped in. Only about 20% of the gate remains with its natural foliage." From the way he spoke, it made it sound like he’d been inside.

Brent’s heart nearly dropped.

"You...didn’t go inside, did you?" Brent asked in a hushed tone. Sergei’s soft exhale on the other side could have been misinterpreted for exasperation. Brent would have if he was a different man. However, he knew that Sergei was just gathering his thoughts. They had spoken about his little habit before, late at night when only the small bedside lamp in Sergei’s tent had illuminated them.

"It was my duty as the Captain on guard of the front lines to go in." Sergei told him. Brent closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly. He wanted to throw the phone across the room.

"That was dangerous." Brent countered.

"I’m a powerful man, Brent." Sergei’s cockiness wasn’t lost on him. Brent knew that. He wouldn’t have been a Captain for as long as he had if he wasn’t. Brent exhaled slowly.

"I know that, but I can still worry about it. How did you remain safe?" Brent asked.

"Sakura’s team have done a wonderful job creating suits that we wear when going inside. It helps decrease the poison risk, and we’ve discovered that if you remain below certain levels it poses less risk. With the ability to go in and out of the gate at will now, we can study it much better. Your students, actually, have been very helpful." Sergei said. Brent’s chest tightened more.

"They are helping?" He asked.

"Yes. Without Kellen knowing." Sergei said, and it was the first time that Brent heard displeasure in his voice.

"What? Why doesn’t Kellen know?" Brent asked and Sergei let out a sigh.

"Rhys is being...pardon my words as I’m going to borrow a phrase from you, a dumb S Class Esper." Sergei said. Brent blinked.

"Why? I know that Kellen is injured, Henry said as much, but is there something else going on that I’m unaware of?" Brent asked. There was a long, measured pause on the other side of the phone.

"Move as far away from where others can hear you." Sergei said carefully and Brent immediately made his way towards the shower. It was an open air one, large, so Brent even made the move to turn it on to give them more cover. He wasn’t even wet as he pushed himself into the corner, talking to Sergei.

"I’ve given us some cover. What’s going on?" Brent asked and Sergei sighed.

"Kellen’s probably jumped Class again. I’m not certain, but I think that’s the case." Sergei said. "Rhys won’t tell him. It seems like he’s waiting on something, but I’m not sure what it is. Brent, Kellen is volatile, emotional, sometimes illogical. All classic signs of becoming an S Class Esper, but he isn’t one." Sergei’s voice was quiet, just loud enough that an A Class could hear under normal circumstances, and Brent knew why. This was dangerous information. Brent’s breath paused again and he had no idea what to say. What to even think.

Kellen, S Class?

"I understand why you told me to move. Shit." Brent muttered. Sergei’s sigh on the other side told him exactly how he felt about this. However...Sergei hadn’t answered one of his questions. "You didn’t say how you were doing." Brent muttered. Silence reigned on the other side of the phone for a long, heavy moment.

"I’m not well." Sergei admitted. "I’m being bullied by several Guides, Kellen included. He forced me to get guidance from the secret fourth child of the Woods family. While I dislike that he was right to do so, I agree it was the right call. We’re planning to do a lot of disrupting here soon. Gunther is going to be rescued soon." Sergei barely spoke about himself, but when he did?

Brent’s heart ached hearing it. He wasn’t well. Brent wanted to ask why, he wanted to hear the words but he knew that if he did? Brent wouldn’t be able to control himself. So, he went with the safer option.

"The fourth Woods child? Who’s the third?" Brent asked. Sergei’s soft chuckle had Brent in a chokehold. God, how he wanted to hear that in person, see him in person. Watch those pretty eyes shift from the cold calculation that was his normal expression to the soft one that Brent was slowly getting to know.

"Brent Jameson, you know better. Do you have any understanding of what kind of hell I had to go through to get this phone call? Kellen had to step in to scold his Aunt Dina, or should I say, your Aunt Dina. I had no idea I was going to have to prove myself to so many people just for the privilege to speak to you. How is the uniform? Is it acceptable?" Brent’s eyes started to hurt, the heat making it hard for Brent to even process the words Sergei was saying.

God, the man already knew how to handle him. He kept one two punching him. Giving him outs. Giving him other things to hold onto instead of the emotional words that he was giving him.

"The uniform is great. I even thought that we should make this the industry standard. I’m wearing it right now." Brent said carefully and Sergei sighed.

"You’re doing a remarkable job, Brent. Henry let me know a bit of what’s going on over there. I’m sorry that you lost a loved one, and I’m sorry that you have to deal with all of the drama that is coming with that." Sergei’s words were a balm that Brent didn’t know that he needed. That was a lie.

He knew he needed it, he just refused to acknowledge it. He had to keep it together. Had to be strong since he was alone in this. Brent’s face crumpled as he let out a sigh, staring down at the ground before he spoke.

"I’m not as strong as you think I am." Brent muttered, a bitter smile on his face. His knees shook, his body trembling as Sergei’s sucked in breath on the other side of the phone had Brent wanting to jump through the phone.

"You are strong. You’ve always been strong." Sergei countered, his voice not shifting, not tender in tone, but Brent knew that wasn’t the case. His face had probably softened in that way that it did when he thought Brent wasn’t looking. Wasn’t paying attention.

Like Brent meant everything to him.

Brent swallowed.

"I’m not that strong because some big dumb idiot started changing me." Brent whispered. "I just started thinking I had someone to rely on when all hell broke loose and now...now I miss him." Brent admitted, his heart on his sleeve. Brent immediately regretted it, backpedaling so fast that his face was burning and his lungs screamed. "I-I’m just kidding, I would never-"

"Brent." Sergei said and Brent felt his heart accelerate in his chest.

"It’s fine, you don’t-"

"Brent Jameson." Sergei’s voice was firm when he spoke and Brent’s words froze. "Don’t for a minute think you can take away what I’ve earned. I worked hard for you to open up to me. Don’t you dare attempt to take that away when I have done nothing to make you do so." Sergei’s voice was firm.

Brent let out a shaky breath.

"W-What if you did?" Brent countered. Testing. Pushing. God, he was always fucking pushing Sergei. It was a miracle that the man didn’t get tired of him.

"Who is going to play with your hair while you sleep then, hmm? Who is going to hold you when the nightmares get to be too much? Who is going to fold little paper cranes and leave them all over my living spaces? Who is going to be the one who I had to go under for as soon as I heard you were missing?" Brent let out a small sound, a whimper, before he sealed his lips shut.

The words that the man said...the way that he said them...He wasn’t teasing, he was being very, very serious. Brent’s heart felt too big for his body, his skin suddenly sticky with sweat. Brent wanted to fan his face, wanted to do anything to cool himself down but he couldn’t.

Having only one working hand was too damn inconvenient sometimes.

"You don’t have anyone up for the running?" The words left Brent’s lips and god fucking damnit, Brent wanted to kick himself. He couldn’t leave well enough alone. He had to put his foot in his mouth.

"There was only ever you." Sergei told him solemnly and Brent had to do his best to keep his fucking shit together.

"You can’t say stuff like that." Brent told him, his voice hollow. "How the hell am I supposed to stay here if you say stuff like that?" Brent asked and Sergei sighed.

"You don’t have to worry about that. We’ll come to you. Soon. I promise Brent. You won’t be alone for much longer. Stay strong for me." Brent was grateful for the shower. It meant that the man had a harder time hearing Brent’s laboured breath, his chest screaming as Brent refused to let the tears fall. The sobs leave him.

This man was too damn good for him. How was Sergei going to react once he learned more about him? About how he came to be? It was too scary to consider. To realise.

"I-I have to go." Brent croaked, running away. Sergei let him.

"It’s okay, Brent. You are always free to call me. I’ll always pick up." It was a serious promise, and damn it, Brent knew that he meant it. This was why he avoided people like him. He got his hopes up too easily.