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Can I Still Be Your Heroine Even Though I'm Your Teacher?-Chapter 3Volume 1 .12 - Interlude - I Find Myself Conscious Of It
Interlude 3
I Find Myself Conscious Of It
Returning to the apartment from the drugstore, I warmed up and ate the dinner I had left at his place yesterday.
After a late dinner, we set up some countermeasures again in my room.
“Okay, I’ve taken measures at all the suspicious places. For the ones that involve burning something, it’s dangerous, so be sure to stay outside while it’s burning.”
“This will save humanity. Thank you, Yuunagi-kun!”
“That’s an exaggeration.”
“It’s a great feat to me.”
“Then, good night. See you on Monday.”
I honestly feel relieved when he leaves.
Having a man in my room was a first in my life, so I didn’t know what to do.
Plus, I think I was more useless than usual because of the G.
No, not ‘I think’, it definitely didn’t go as usual.
“No good, the more I try to think about it clearly, the more I find myself depending on him.”
I already asked him to cook on weekdays, and today I even left the G countermeasures and light bulb changing to him.
He’s covering for the parts I’m missing.
“This is bad. It’s almost like dependence.”
Now, my life can’t go on without his support.
Lately, I’ve been feeling different kinds of excitement too.
Even after the awkward atmosphere due to Yuunagi-kun making a morning call to Kuhouin-san, he rushed to help me in my pinch.
I felt my heart race for the first time when I touched someone of the opposite sex.
It was much sturdier than I imagined, completely different from a woman’s body, making me conscious of it.
Still, until this point, I could have excused it as an emergency situation where I wasn’t calm.
But what really did me in was what he said on the way to the drugstore.
『…The woman I interact with the most is Tenjō-sensei, you know?』
“What does that even mean! Don’t play around with adults too much!”
I take my frustration out on my body pillow.
I completely self-destructed by acting pretentious.
“You don’t understand my worries! Seriously!”
Even in his room, I try to act cool to not show my nervousness, but before I know it, I end up revealing my true self.
At school too, he sits so close to me that if I’m not careful, I feel like I can’t maintain my teacher mode.
Today, I couldn’t properly focus on my work, being so conscious of him staring at me!
Yuunagi Nishiki’s presence shakes me more than I thought.
Worst of all, there’s a part of me that’s happy to be spoken to like that.
I’m at a loss about how to handle these unfamiliar feelings.
Following the advice about contact frequency that my best friend gave me, the answer seems clear.
──Could this be the beginning of a forbidden love!?
“(Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!)”
I let out a voiceless cry while hugging my pillow.
What, that’s impossible. In so many ways.
No, Reiyu Tenjō! He’s younger than you and a minor. He’s someone you shouldn’t fall in love with!
No matter how much I try to put the brakes on in my head, the intensity in my chest doesn’t subside.
Feeling suffocated, I lift my face.
I mustn’t admit it. I have a feeling that if I do, a complete collapse will ensue.
I naturally try to suppress my smiling lips with both hands.
I let go of my hands.
Still, my feelings are restless, and my expression softens.
The first time we walked together at night, it felt fresh and simply fun.
“No, what am I thinking, enjoying this!?”
Every time, after parting with him, I hold a solo reflection session, but the situation never improves.
It’s only getting worse.
“I thought I could manage everything if we had the Neighbor Agreement, but…”
Living next to each other in the same apartment, it’s almost like a semi-cohabitation life.
I thought it wouldn’t make a difference just to share meals with a boy around my brother’s age.
I was completely naive.
No, even if I had thought it through, different parts of me would still react sensitively.
Just incorporating a stranger into my daily life makes various controls slip away.
It should be frightening, yet unknowingly, I find myself leaning forward more and more.
“What is this relationship really about…”
I lie down on my side.
Man and woman.
Student and teacher.
Younger and older.
Neighbors.
No matter how I phrase it, it doesn’t quite fit.
Too formal to be friends, too intimate to be siblings, too much of a stretch to call it family.
A strange and peculiar comfort in this ambiguous distance.
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I feel as if I am constantly oscillating between tension and relaxation.
“Can I still be your lover, even though I’m your teacher?”
A wistful soliloquy, not meant for anyone.
Even as I speak, the conclusion is clear.
It’s okay the way it is now. It’s enough.
As long as I’m playing in the shallow water, I’m sure there’s no risk of drowning.
If I try to go deeper, this comfortable relationship will disappear like bubbles.
It’s because it’s ambiguous that I can immerse myself in it.
“I’m glad tomorrow is a day off…”
If it’s a holiday, I won’t have to see him.
I should feel relieved, yet I also feel unsatisfied.