Captured By The Cold Detective (BL)-Chapter 690: Pure Sentiment

The skeletons in He Juan’s closet had been laid bare, exposing him to his worst nightmare — Mu Yuze’s sorrow and anguish.

His throat constricted, and the back of his eyes stung with tears. This was the very sight he had desperately wanted to avoid, but now that everything was out in the open, He Juan felt strangely... relieved, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Judging by Mu Yuze’s reaction, it was apparent that Chen Youzhi had spared no details, as the man had never been one to mince his words. Only God knew how devastated and heartbroken his little mate must be feeling upon learning the truth.

He Juan’s quivering lips parted as he released a shaky exhale. He closed his eyes, his jaws clenching. He knew he had a lot of explanation to give, yet at the same time, it didn’t seem like any words would be enough to encapsulate everything that had happened that year. Simply put, he was in a bad place. But that alone certainly wouldn’t be adequate to soothe Mu Yuze’s grief... would it?

Upon receiving nothing but silence, Mu Yuze felt like he was going insane. "Why... why didn’t you say anything?!" He snapped, his grievance erupting into blazing rage. "Do you have nothing to say to me? Is it so easy for you to leave just like that? Huh?!"

He Juan did not even realize it when a crystalline droplet of tear rolled down his cheek. His whole attention was focused on Mu Yuze. Seeing that the omega was getting too agitated, He Juan pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him, but Mu Yuze resisted fiercely as if he had been electrocuted. "Xiao Ze—"

"Let go of me, you jerk!" Mu Yuze lashed out, clawing and scratching at him, but He Juan did not relent. He easily picked up the bristling omega, placed him on his lap and hugged him tightly like he was cradling a baby. All the while, Mu Yuze continued to struggle, though his strength quickly dwindled once he was held in his Alpha’s warm and secure embrace. Nonetheless, his tears kept falling, dripping onto He Juan’s shoulder akin to sulfuric acid. His fists hammered He Juan’s chest as he wailed and cried himself hoarse.

"How many times..." he choked out, anguish bleeding into his tone. "How many times do I have to lose you?! How many times until you’re satisfied, He Juan?!"

He Juan’s vision blurred with tears, and when he closed his eyes, more and more droplets cascaded down to form a river across his cheeks. Holding the trembling omega in his arms, he leaned his cheek atop his crown. "Sorry..." was all he could manage through his badly constricted throat. It was pathetic, he knew. Yet it seemed like no word could be more suitable than this. "Sorry, I’m sorry, Mu Yuze... I’m so sorry..."

He pressed tender kisses onto Mu Yuze’s hair, temple, forehead and eyelids, as the omega broke apart in his arms, venting all the hidden grievance and sadness in his heart.

Mu Yuze hadn’t cried this hard when they first reunited a few months ago; he had not cried this hard when He Juan got into another accident in the harbor or when they met again in the Phoenix Ablaze. It felt as though he had regressed to seven years ago, and the one He Juan was holding right now was the seventeen-year-old him — the boy who had learned the true taste of grief and loss for the very first time. With each teardrop he shed, it seemed like the old fractures in his heart were being mended bit by bit.

Perhaps it was true what they said – to remove the rot, you have to let yourself bleed. 𝑓𝘳𝘦𝑒𝑤𝑒𝘣𝘯ℴ𝘷𝘦𝓁.𝑐𝑜𝑚

"Don’t think..." He Juan began to speak when he sensed Mu Yuze’s cries subsiding. He attempted to regain his bearings, yet the emotional confrontation still left his lips quivering and his voice hoarse. "Don’t ever think that it was easy for me to leave you, okay?" he implored softly. "It’s hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever forced myself to do."

Now that Mu Yuze had calmed down from his hysteria, he perceived the strangeness in He Juan’s voice. But when he wanted to pull back from the embrace, He Juan held him tighter instead.

"I don’t regret leaving..." he continued, causing Mu Yuze to tense up. But at least he did not say anything in protest, allowing He Juan a moment to collect his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, He Juan attempted to speak through his tightening throat. "I lost a lot that year. I lost my best friend, I lost my little brother, and if I were to lose you too..." he let out a wet laugh, and Mu Yuze began to tremble when he realized that He Juan was crying as well.

"As soon as I realized that your safety was threatened, I almost lost my mind. I knew I had to do something as soon as possible to keep them from reaching you, even if it meant resorting to desperate measures. Because you, Mu Yuze, are the only light in my pitch-black world..."

He Juan drew back, and the sight of tears running down his face caused Mu Yuze’s heart to wrench in pain. Even then, he still flashed a beautiful smile and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on each of Mu Yuze’s reddened eyelids, murmuring, "My little mate, my little bunny, my precious... your mere existence breathes life into me. Before meeting you, I didn’t know that I would yearn for an ordinary life so much. Each day I spend with you is dazzling, blissful and thrilling. You taught me the joy I’ve been missing out in life. With you, I forget who I am, I forget my sins, I forget what kind of burden I’m carrying. So it’s only you..." his voice petered off into a whisper as he choked on his tears. Swallowing hard, he gently knocked his forehead against Mu Yuze and continued in a shaky voice,

"Only you, I can’t allow you to be forsaken like me. That’s why I can’t bring myself to regret what I’ve done that year, for if I was given another choice, I would do it all over again, if it meant I could keep you away from my filthy world..." his smile carried a melancholic tinge, "because I know, even if I were no longer here, I would continue to live on... with you."

At this point, Mu Yuze had once again become a crying mess, because these heartfelt words... this ardent yet sorrowful confession... it hurt too much. It was hurting him so much. He Juan did not even utter any word of ’love’ or ’like’, yet each sincere word he said allowed Mu Yuze to glimpse into the depths of his feelings and oh, it was much more intense and profound than he could’ve ever imagined. It was a pure sentiment that transcended love. Perhaps that was the reason why He Juan had never used that word, as it alone was not enough to sum up the entirety of his emotions.

And that was also the case with Mu Yuze. These intense feelings he harbored for He Juan... it was not enough to be described as love. Not even close.

He was crying so hard that he had to gasp for breath between his sobs, his fists bunching on He Juan’s shirt. He Juan, in turn, held him and stroked his back, yet his considerate and comforting touch only made Mu Yuze cry even harder.

Too consumed in his emotions, he could only bury his face into the crook of He Juan’s neck and called out again and again, "Gege... Gege..." The sheer monstrosity of emotions in his chest was terrifying; he felt like he would drown if he didn’t vocalize it, yet the only thing he knew was to call for his beloved.

He Juan hushed him tenderly, his heart aching in response to his mate’s distress. After a moment of contemplation, he added, his words delivered with care and tentative warmth akin to the gentle caress of sunshine on snow-covered land. "I thought I would be content... to keep you safe, to see you live a fulfilling life. I really thought I could be content with that. But alas..." he let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "It seems like I’m quite greedy, after all. Now that I’ve learned how it feels to hold you in my arms, I realized that... I want more. I long to stay by your side. I long to spend each remaining second of my life with you. If you will allow me to—"

Unable to endure it any longer, Mu Yuze tilted his head and crashed his lips onto He Juan’s, savoring the salty tang of their tears.