Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 18.3: My Graduation Day (3)

“Shells tied together...”

Go Yohan hummed an old-fashioned song. At the same time, he was tying each piece of caramel candy in its wrapper, a process that seemed oddly familiar. I think I’ve seen something like this before, maybe when I was in kindergarten. As I quietly watched, Go Yohan smiled softly. The song didn’t stop.

“She wore it around her neck...”

Before I knew it, the candy necklace was complete. Go Yohan proudly admired the colorful creation in his hand, then half-raised his body and draped it over my neck.

“Sit across from me at the Buddhist altar.”

I didn’t mind and continued reading a small English vocabulary book, the size of the palm of my hand. We were in a small pavilion behind the school, just after lunch. I sat on the bench, but Go Yohan, who had sat down on the ground, was still humming and took out the last remaining piece of candy to unwrap it.

“She whispers all night long.”

Go Yohan tossed the small candy into his mouth. The crunching sound echoed in the quiet pavilion. I glanced at the violent movement, then returned to reading my problem set.

A lot had happened in a short time. Kim Minho had ultimately not returned. He dropped out. That’s what Go Yohan said, so I’m not sure if it’s true.

I heard that Lee Seokhyun was about to be forcibly transferred. The principal, who had dreamed of a ‘violent-free prestigious high school,’ had taken extraordinary measures. How much influence the parents had in all this, I wasn’t sure.

For a month, Lee Seokhyun was absent, and Kim Seokmin and Park Dongcheol lived like mice in hiding. The atmosphere felt odd, and one day, I secretly caught Shin Jaehyun on his way to the bathroom. He pulled his clothes out of my hand and said:

“Sorry... but I don’t want to talk right now.”

He wasn’t angry with me, nor was he blaming me. It just seemed like he was very sensitive to the uncomfortable situation. I decided to respect his wishes. After all, I knew he was much wiser than me.

“Okay.”

I let go of his clothes cleanly.

Contrary to Shin Jaehyun’s attitude, I was fairly well integrated into the class. The rumors about me had quietly disappeared, and it wasn’t just me who felt that way. The atmosphere spoke for itself.

Still, even in that situation, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being subtly isolated. As the college entrance exam approached, Ahn Jisoo began acting friendly toward me. However, what Ahn Jisoo was curious about was how I had managed to get two school competitions scheduled at the same time. There was no way she didn’t know. I thought her face was incredibly cheeky as she asked.

“Then I’ll take the gold, and you take the silver.”

“...Oh, really?”

“Well, maybe the other way around.”

Ahn Jisoo had a peculiar talent for making people feel uncomfortable. But it wasn’t anything important, so I let it slide.

What really caught my attention was something else. After summer vacation, I submitted my early application to Korea University. The college admissions expert that Go Yohan’s mother had introduced suggested I lower my sights and apply to the sociology department, but I simply said, “Yes,” and then applied to a different department.

How could I trust someone Go Yohan introduced? Especially when they suggested I aim lower. Ridiculous.

I chose to believe in myself. Lately, my days felt like being ostracized in a crowd. It was like being trapped on a small island, and the island’s leader was Go Yohan. But,

“Jun, I really like caramel candy.”

“Oh, really?”

I didn’t care as much as I thought I would.

These days, the things I said to Go Yohan were just, “Oh, really? Yeah, that’s right, okay, really? Hmm, I get what you mean.” That’s it. Fortunately, it seemed like Go Yohan hadn’t noticed my odd behavior. He was always in a good mood, bouncing around. The fact that I was on his side had probably contributed a lot to that.

“It’s so sweet. I really love the kind that’s so sweet it hurts your teeth and gives you a toothache.”

“Hmm, I get what you mean.”

“Got it? Then, what do you like? What’s your favorite?”

“I guess...”

“Well, considering you like things like green tea, I bet you have tastes like an old man.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

As I turned my body to flip through my vocabulary book, I accidentally made eye contact with someone I didn’t recognize from afar. They seemed to be heading back after seeing that the spot had already been taken. The second-year student, seeing Go Yohan sitting smack in the middle, turned and waved at their friend.

“...Is it?”

I didn’t quite catch what Go Yohan said just now, but I didn’t ask again and just gave a mechanical response.

“Really?”

I stared at the corner of the ceiling. With the college entrance exam approaching, the class atmosphere had become more sensitive, so there was a certain awkwardness about talking in class. Normally, Go Yohan and I would spend our break sitting on the stairs. The blue sky could be seen through the window in front of us.

“Yeah, the weather’s nice. You did well on your midterm grades too, so it’s good. You’re happy, right? You think it’s all thanks to me?”

While Go Yohan chattered, I gave a weak smile. It was such a ridiculous thing to say. Honestly, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have needed any help.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“Huh?”

“You’re smiling right now.”

“Ah... really?”

Time passed leisurely and smoothly.

By the way, the reason I wasn’t angry was different. A week ago, I heard rumors at the academy that more people than expected had applied to Korea University’s Sociology department. Apparently, there was a rumor in the university entrance exam community that this was the “gap” year.

And surprisingly, the biggest gap in the Department of Political Science and Diplomacy at Sogang University was also political diplomacy. That’s why I laughed.

“I see.”

At nineteen, the most important exam of my life was approaching without hesitation, just as predicted.

****

“You’re smiling right now.”

“Ah... really?”

Time passed leisurely and smoothly.

By the way, the reason I wasn’t angry was different. A week ago, I heard rumors at the academy that more people than expected had applied to Korea University’s Sociology department. Apparently, there was a rumor in the university entrance exam community that this was the “gap” year.

And surprisingly, the biggest gap in the Department of Political Science and Diplomacy at Sogang University was also political diplomacy. That’s why I laughed.

“I see.”

At nineteen, the most important exam of my life was approaching without hesitation, just as predicted.

****

I exhaled deeply as I walked out of the exam hall. White breath streamed out like cigarette smoke.

Perhaps because I had finished with the second foreign language exam as well, the school gate was deserted. Some students ran toward the school’s main gate or the parking lot where cars were parked. The same words could be heard again.

“How was the exam?”

“Ugh, it was awful. I don’t know. Do you want to grab lunch?”

“By the looks of your appetite, I think you did fine.”

“Did fine? It was awful. Just awful. But I’m relieved because it seems like others didn’t do well either.”

Was it really that hard? I thought it was just an average difficulty. I kept walking while eavesdropping on the conversation. The cold air brushed against my thin skin. I passed by the noisy school gate and hailed a taxi from the road.

The taxi driver, who was glancing at me in the rearview mirror, suddenly spoke.

“Student, did you just finish the college entrance exam?”

I sank into the cheap leather seat and looked out the window. This summer wasn’t too hot, so they said winter wouldn’t be very cold. Just as they predicted, this November was chilly but not painfully cold. I placed my hand on the window button, opening and closing it repeatedly. After quite a while, I finally spoke.

“Yes.”

“You’ll have something delicious when you get home?”

The sound of the cheap plastic button clicking continued as I kept pressing it. The driver cleared his throat, clearly annoyed. I quickly withdrew my hand, but I still absentmindedly tapped the button. The cheap plastic clicked loudly.

“I guess so.”

I guess so. No one would be at home when I get back. Actually, not no one—there would be the housekeeper. It wasn’t that I felt lonely, or that I resented my parents. It was just that it felt strange, the feeling of being alone when everything I’d worked for would be over.

“...”

After that, the driver didn’t say anything. He probably thought I was a rude student. But I didn’t want to engage in pointless small talk just to be polite. I didn’t want to be the taxi driver’s entertainment. Just because he’s an adult doesn’t mean I should play the clown.

It was even more intense when I got out of the taxi. As soon as I handed the card, the driver shot me a dirty look.

“Student, don’t you have cash?”

Unfortunately, I didn’t. I shook my head while looking at my empty wallet.

“No, I don’t.”

“How could you not have cash after taking a taxi this far?”

“...Since this is my house, I’ll go inside and get the money.”

“Then leave your phone here.”

“Pardon?”

“Leave it, and go bring the money from home.”

I really picked the wrong taxi. I had to suppress my urge to make a scene and handed over my phone. Just as his rough hand reached for my things, something slammed hard against the window.

“What, what is it?”

“...?”

What I saw through the slightly translucent window was Go Yohan. It was a bit shocking.

“Ah... Mister, you’ve lost your conscience.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Me? I’m Go Yohan.”

That sounded familiar. I nervously held my phone while watching the unreasonable Go Yohan. What was truly insane was that, without warning, he opened the car door. As the driver panicked, Go Yohan, undisturbed, read the name tag on the passenger seat.

“Your name is Oh Kwanghyuk, right? 6259?”

Go Yohan, holding the car ceiling with both hands and leaning slightly forward, flashed a grin. The driver looked at me and Go Yohan with anxious eyes before quickly changing his tune.

“I’ll let it slide this time, but don’t do this again. This is very rude.”

“Sorry.”

Then, he waved his hand quickly, signaling for the card. I awkwardly handed it over while glancing around the taxi. What’s the name, what does it even matter? The answer came faster than expected when I spotted a paper on the opposite door that read, “How was today’s service?”

“...Ah. So that’s it.”

I’d heard that filing complaints actually worked, and it seemed to be true.

The machine beeped a few times as it processed the card, and then the driver roughly pulled it out and tossed it to me. He scowled and quickly glanced at Go Yohan outside, who, through the open door, reached in to pull out the “How was today’s service?” sheet. He even hummed a little tune. His long arms easily reached to the back seat.

“What are you doing, student?”

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“Me? Oh, it’s nothing. Just need a paper to spit out my gum.”

A white sheet fluttered between my fingers. But Go Yohan wasn’t chewing gum. The atmosphere grew suffocating. In that silence, I shifted and opened the car door.

After getting out of the taxi, I looked at Go Yohan with a puzzled expression. He waved at the retreating taxi, then turned around and made eye contact with me. I couldn’t think of anything to say, scratching my head, when Go Yohan spoke first. Well, it was the same pattern as always.

“Did you do well on the exam?”

“Sort of.”

“Sort of? How can you say sort of? You should’ve done well.”

His overly serious tone didn’t excite me, and I yawned without realizing it.

“...Are you sleepy?”

“I guess so.”

“Must be tired, huh? You’re speaking in such short sentences.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

I wiped the tears that had gathered at the corner of my eyes and replied. By this point, I wished he would just leave me alone, but Go Yohan kept scratching the back of his neck. I yawned for the second time.

“What will you do when you get inside?”

“Grade my tests?”

“And then?”

“Sleep.”

Yawn. The third yawn came out. This one was so big I could almost feel the exhaustion in the sound.

“You must be really tired these days.”

“Ah, yeah, a little.”

I lowered my hand, which had been covering my mouth, feeling too embarrassed to just let it drop, so I scratched my neck or collarbone instead. I was bored and sleepy. My mind was foggy. I suppressed all my feelings as if pressing them from top to bottom. Whenever my personal feelings about Go Yohan began to rise to the surface, I quickly thought about how tired I was. I also thought it was boring.

“I’m going inside now.”

It wasn’t a request; it was an announcement. It was something I could never have done half a year ago. The courage to do this came only because graduation was just around the corner. That meant there were only a few more days left to see Go Yohan. That was a very good opportunity for me.

To make the farewell neither awkward nor malicious, but good. Good. I made a future-oriented choice.

“You’ll find out the first-round results tomorrow.”

He still thought I had applied for Business Administration. But I didn’t feel the need to correct him. Well, the Political Science department would announce their results on the same day, so it wasn’t a lie. Not exactly a lie.

“Ah, right.”

“...Okay, just rest for now.”

Go Yohan narrowed one eye and scanned me up and down. That gaze no longer scared or intimidated me. It was the kind of fear that would disappear like a mirage anyway. In a few days, I wouldn’t even be a high school student anymore.

Age gives you guts.

I nodded and turned my body. The front gate was right ahead. As I pressed the number and was about to open the door, Go Yohan suddenly called me from behind.

“Hey!”

I pretended not to hear. The best way to deal with someone craving attention is to ignore them. I thought that to myself while pressing the number pad faster. Just as I was about to press the last button to open the door, a strong force grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.

“What, what is it?”

No matter how used to him I was, I couldn’t help but be shocked by this kind of action. I wasn’t scared of Go Yohan, but I still felt a small «N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t» tremor in my hand as I grabbed the wall. I quickly ignored the tiny movement. Go Yohan firmly held both my shoulders, then said,

“It’ll all work out.”

He left those strange words behind before heading home.

The next day, I trembled in the school bathroom. I had lied to my homeroom teacher about applying for Business Administration, and the anticipation was so overwhelming that I couldn’t stand it, so I ran to the bathroom. There, I rubbed my eyes vigorously and then stared at my phone screen, close enough to see the letters clearly. The text still hadn’t changed.

“Congratulations on passing the first round of the exam. The registration deadline for the second round is MM/DD.”

The first round, based solely on grades. I had thought my grades were terrible, but I had survived the cut-off. Suddenly, a burst of wicked crying came out. I even covered my mouth to make sure no one would hear the sobs leaking out. Now, all that was left was the document review and interview, but honestly, I was confident about the documents.

My parents and I had made the right choice.

A school that was famous locally was better than a well-known private school... The reason was that many of the documents could be directly handled by the parents, which I realized in my second semester of the third year.

I had passed the toughest part—surviving the cut-off—and the acceptance was almost guaranteed. So I cried.

“Damn... shit, ah...”

Success gained after failure, even if the result was smaller than the dream, still tasted sweet.

As expected, not long after, the acceptance letter came: Congratulations on being accepted to Korea University’s Department of Political Science and Diplomacy. Seeing that blue text, I cried and cried again.

Also, Ahn Jisoo got into Korea University’s Business Administration. On the day the results came out, she ran down the hallway, yelling so loudly that the entire school knew. Ahn Jisoo also ranked first in the final exam. I came in second again. Everything returned to the way it was before it all happened. Kang Jun, who was always second, was back.

The last spotlight of graduation went to Ahn Jisoo. If it were the old me, I would have gritted my teeth and felt jealous, but now I was a little relieved.

Because, honestly, I didn’t want Go Yohan to know the name of the department I had been accepted into.