Hell University-Chapter 47 - 46: Decision

Zein’s Point of View

I woke up in a dark place where there were no windows and everything was made of wood. There wasn’t a single piece of furniture here except for one door. Through a small gap above, the moonlight seeped in.

Moon?

"Fuck!" I cursed when I realized it was already night.

What time is it now? Has it started already? NO! I can’t not go. I know he’ll be waiting for me.

Both of my hands were still tightly tied behind the chair I was sitting on, and even my feet were bound. There was nothing covering my mouth, as if they were sure that even if I screamed here, no one would hear me.

I tried to move my hands and feet, but they were tied too tightly, I couldn’t even make the slightest motion. FUCK! I need to get out of here.

"You’re just tiring yourself out."

I quickly turned toward the dark corner of the room. A man was standing there, playing with a nail.

I suddenly remembered the first time we entered this hell. He was the first student I spoke to here, the first person to make my hair stand on end, the first person to threaten me, Nazzer Lumia.

He walked toward me and slipped the nail into his pocket. There was no trace of any emotion in his deep eyes, similar to Nicky’s. The presence of the founder of the Black Blood Gang.

I felt the hairs on my arms stand on end at that moment. At last, I truly felt the demon. He was showing his complete dark aura.

"L-Let me go, please."

Almost no sound came out of my mouth, it was barely more than a whisper. But it seemed he heard my plea, because his eyes grew more intense and the movement of his jaw became sharper. He was angry... intensely.

"I can’t believe that love could grow in this hell," he said coldly, leaning his back against the wooden wall in front of me. "Such a waste... for the wrong person... the wrong timing... the wrong place."

I knew exactly what he meant. I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth. Was it really wrong? All this time, am I tracking the wrong path? Shit!

"Who are you?" he asked me, sounding almost insane. "You’re just a girl, but how could you make things this complicated?" he added, his brow and eyebrows slightly furrowed.

"Yes, I am just a girl," I replied flatly. "A girl I never imagined myself to be," I whispered.

I never thought I would become like this, that everything would turn out this way. I let myself fall, I should’ve stopped myself long ago. I should have ended this earlier, but now... I guess it’s too late. The hole is too deep.

"I can’t let you go, not now."

"But someone is waiting for me," I answered, almost in a whisper.

He paused for a moment before shaking his head. "It’s better if you don’t make it there," he said.

"But why?"

He approached me and knelt in front of me so that we were face to face. He held my cheek and wiped away the tears that had been falling.

"Sorry, Zein. I don’t want to be a hindrance."

I turned my face away so he would let go. "But you already are a hindrance. You’ve been one all along," I replied flatly.

Annoyed, he ran his fingers through his hair as if irritated.

"Do you want to know why you can’t go to that party?"

Even though I was confused, I just nodded. He gave a bitter smile and stood up. He stepped back slightly and took a deep breath.

He removed his soot-colored blazer and draped it over me. "It’s cold. Matt will scold me if you get sick," he said.

"Tell me," I challenged firmly.

"Supremo is planning to reveal everything tonight. He’s going to shout out what’s between you two."

I gaped at his words. "H-He won’t do that," I replied.

DAMN! He really can do it! He’s not afraid to shout everything out, he’s willing to give up everything for me. He’s not afraid of losing it all.

"He will, I know you know. Do you know what will happen to him when they find out everything? They’ll take away Supremo’s power, they will treat him as trash, a disappointment."

I felt frozen, unable to say a word. I couldn’t help but scream at myself. I knew it would happen, yet I still did it. If Supremo can’t stop himself, then I should be the one to hold back.

I smiled bitterly at the truth... I chose wrong. I should have just let these feelings go; I shouldn’t have allowed everything to become like this.

"Will you let everything he worked so hard for disappear? Can you bear to see him being despised by everyone?"

My chest felt so tight that all I could do was scream everything out. FUCK! I was so angry at myself.

I kept crying and crying, remembering everything Supremo had done for me, every time he defended me. Maybe that was enough to say that he truly loved me, but maybe... this is where everything should end.

"Let me go," I said lifelessly.

I felt Nazzer undo all the restraints tying me up.

As he loosened them, my chest felt even tighter.

"Only now will I trust you," Nazzer said.

He held out his hand in front of me, and I accepted it with my whole heart. Together, we walked out of that hut.

We started off wrong. I’ve never really done anything right, everything always seems to go wrong. But maybe, in the end, I’ll finally be able to do something right. I won’t let everything he has slip away.

Even if the price is a lifetime of regret, I will accept it willingly. I should have done this a long time ago, but only now did I find the courage.

I will no longer allow my heart to be hurt again.

We arrived at the party, where deafening noise immediately greeted us. I looked toward the stage and saw a man with a furrowed brow, staring at Nazzer and me.

"I have to go, or else I’ll die in no time," he said.

Nazzer let go of my hand, but I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him. It was as if I had gone deaf, the loud sounds from earlier slowly faded away until there was nothing left for me to hear but the pounding of my own heart.

He walked up to me and held my cheek.

"Darling, you came."

I don’t know why, but I suddenly wrapped my arms around him. He was wearing a tuxedo, which I’d probably already crumpled because of how tightly I hugged him.

The sounds slowed down and everything became sluggish. Everyone who had been on the dance floor disappeared, and all I knew was that Supremo and I were left standing in front of scrutinizing eyes.

Their gazes were piercing, and I knew exactly what they were thinking. You’re right, they were thinking we were in love. But somehow, I felt like this wouldn’t last long.

"Thank you," Supremo whispered before tightening his hold around my waist.

He pressed our bodies together, and all I could do was stare into his smiling eyes... When will I see that smile again? I hope you can still smile after tonight.

"Best day of my life. Darling, you made me extremely happy."

My heart feels like it’s being squeezed every time I hear the word darling. I love hearing that word.

I will miss his smile, his voice calling me darling, his lines, his scent, I will surely miss this feeling. The feeling I get whenever I’m with him.

"Darling, I hate your silence."

I lowered my head slightly and rested it against his chest. I bit my lip when I felt the sting in my eyes. I hope that after this, everything can somehow return to how it used to be.

I hope that after this, you can still forgive me, even though I know it’s unlikely.

"Supremo, I love you."

He lifted my chin, leaving me no choice but to meet his eyes, now filled with confusion.

He released his hold on me and was about to head for the stage, but I grabbed his arm and hugged him tightly.

I will stop you no matter what. You don’t have to sacrifice everything you have for me.

I need to end this, because it already hurts too much.

"Zein, I love you more, and it will always be you. Only you, darling."

My whole body trembled, but I managed to hold his face and gently caress it. This is probably the last time I’ll ever be this close to him.

"Darling?" I called out to him, making him smile. It was the very first time I’d ever called him that, and it fucking hurts that I only did it now.

I should have said it back then, not now, when everything between us is about to be cut off in just a moment.

"Your darling makes me want to kiss you, but somehow it also gives me a chill."

"I love you, but Supremo... I think we should sto-"

I felt him pull me closer to himself. "Darling, let’s eat?" he offered.

I broke down sobbing because I knew he already knew what I was about to say, yet he chose to divert it into something else. I have to do this.

"I’m hurting too. The pain is so deep, but darling, I can bear anything just for you."

"But I can’t do it for you," I answered bravely.

He paused slightly, and I knew I had hurt him. Damn. It hurts so much, maybe I should have done this earlier, when the pain would’ve been smaller... not now, when it feels deadly.

"Z-Zein? I’m scared of you now."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at him head-on. I nearly went weak when I saw his tears fall so quickly.

"We can’t be together. Maybe it’s enough that we loved each other."

He tried to reach for my hand, but I quickly brushed it away.

"Darling, don’t you love me? Why can’t you trust me?"

"Yes, I do love you, but I guess we’re not meant to be." I closed my eyes before saying what I had to say. "I am giving up. I am giving up this feeling. Sorry, I can’t fight for this shit anymore." I turned away quickly.

I had only taken one step when I felt his arms wrap around me from behind.

"We haven’t even begun yet, and you’re already ending it."

I held the hand gripping my waist and gently caressed it. God. I am so in love with this guy that I’m willing to give him up for his own sake.

"Darlin-"

"Stop calling me that way."

I felt his breathing grow heavier. "Z-Zein? I’ll give you another chance. If you take ten steps away from me, it only means you’re cutting off everything between us... but if you turn back before reaching ten steps, then you’re mine. I’ll fight to the death and challenge Death itself for you."

I felt his grip loosen around me until I finally broke free.

Just ten steps away from him... there will be no more Supremo in my life.

One...

I don’t know why, but my feet felt heavier, like they were struggling to move at all.

Two...

[Notes: I’m sorry for disrupting but I am so mad and utterly broken that Every Breath You Take by The Police is currently playing in my playlist as I write this translation. It’s making everything so gut wrenchingly devasting.]

I closed my eyes and remembered every moment I spent with Supremo, from the first time I saw him to the first time he confessed.

"You know I can’t do that... I’ll give you another choice. Be with me. Be mine. Be my everything. I’ll give you my world."

Four...

I know what I’m doing is wrong, but this is what’s right for everyone, for him. I can endure it. I hope you can too.

Five...

"You don’t need to be sexy. If I have to make you gain weight and look less attractive so others won’t look at you, I’ll do it. Damn, Zein. You are driving me crazy. And I must say... thank you."

Damn. Why does everything have to come rushing back? It’s getting harder the longer this goes on, and if it drags on any further, I might really not be able to handle it anymore.

Six...

"I don’t want to disobey you. I’m willing to gamble even my health just to follow what you want. You are my queen, and I am your knight, and I will eat anything for you."

Supremo is the kind of person who, when he loves, gives everything. Almost everything, until there’s barely anything left of himself. It’s admirable, but also frightening.

He’s ready to give it all up. He doesn’t think of himself anymore, because it’s you, and only you.

Seven...

"You don’t have to fight. I’ll be the one who fights for you."

I smiled. Maybe I’ll never find someone better than this man. He is every girl’s dream, the perfect boyfriend.

Eight...

"You already took my heart, don’t take yourself away too."

Fuck.

"I love you more than who I am and what I have. Don’t leave me breathless, darling."

Zein, be strong. Just a few more steps... you’ll be free... Supremo will be safe.

Nine...

"Darling, I will always love you."

I froze mid-step. I lowered my head, feeling like I wanted to turn back and run to him, if only I still had the strength.

"Zein? I want you to be happy. Never be afraid to make a decision, even if I’m not included... I guess this really is a goodbye for both of us. I love you, Zein."

Ten...

I love you, and it will always be you. Thank you for the love. Finally, I did it.

I made the right decision.