Love Among The Ruins-Chapter 49

NADINE’S P.O.V

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was Rowan’s soft breathing.

For the first time in a long time, I was awake before him. He was asleep beside me, his hands wrapped around me, his fingers resting on my lower back and his even breath fanning my face.

I brushed his hair out of his face and watched him. There were still small specks of blood on his face and neck that he didn’t manage to clean up last night but otherwise, he was clean. I could almost pretend like the events of last night didn’t happen.

I pulled back from him, carefully detangling myself from his hold as I made my way out of the room and into Dan’s.

Jennifer was asleep on the floor next to him, but he was wide awake, his eyes fixed on the ceiling as his breaths came out labored.

"Don’t just stand there," he whispered. "I don’t bite."

A small smile crossed my lips and I made my way further into the room. His face was paler now, most of the color was gone from it. He turned to me, a small smile on his face and for a second, I ignored everything else. I ignored his dark under eyes that clearly showed that he hadn’t slept, I ignored the way he gripped his side as if he was in pain.

"How do you feel?"

"Like death," the response was quick. "I thought I would feel worse. I thought there would be some sense of foreboding."

"Is this your way of telling me that you’re not scared of death?"

He just shrugged.

I sat next to him, careful not to touch Jennifer who was now only pretending to be asleep. I smoothed his hair back gently, trying not to show him how worried I was. If he was being brave, then surely I could do the same.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"For a moment, yes. I dreamt about the monsters, dreamt that I was one of them. I can feel the poison working its way through my system."

"That sounds like torture."

He shrugged. "I suppose it is. Can you help me to my feet?"

I hesitated, watching him carefully. "I don’t know if that is a good idea."

"I’m not going to keel over. I just need to get out of this stuffy room. I’m going to die anyway, why don’t you just grant a dying man’s-"

"Can you stop?" Jennifer snapped, abandoning all pretense of being asleep. "Stop saying those things."

"It’s the truth."

"It doesn’t mean you have to say it."

"I do because while I may have accepted it, you haven’t!" he snapped. It almost felt like I was intruding but I couldn’t bring myself to move. "I’m going to die, Jennifer, and you have to move on. You don’t have a choice."

Her eyes welled up with tears but she didn’t speak, she just shoved past me hard and stormed out of the room.

I watched the door she walked out of, feeling pain and hurt for her. If it were Rowan on that bed, I had no idea what I would do. If he was the one that I had to watch die and slowly waste away, it would eat at me too, probably worse than it was for her.

"You didn’t have to be so hard on her," I said softly, hooking his hands over my shoulder so I could tug him up.

I didn’t realize just how hard it was to support his weight. Last night, Rowan had taken the brunt of it, but now, it was all me.

"I need her to toughen up."

I snorted. "She is one of the toughest people that we know. You’re being mean, stop it."

He frowned but said nothing as I helped him out.

It was bright outside, the birds were chirping and the sun beat down on us. It was a beautiful day, it was almost ironic that nothing about it felt good. Sooner or later, we would have to discuss what to do about Dan. Would we leave him here to die? Would we take him with us knowing that at some point, he would change and kill us all.

My limbs protested as I walked with Dan, but I forced myself to keep going. My knees were about to give out when I felt some of the weight being taken off me. I looked up and found Rowan on his other side.

"Let me."

He didn’t wait for me to respond before taking all of Dan’s weight off me. He didn’t even break a sweat as he walked outside and lay Dan to rest against a chair.

"Thank you," I whispered but he waved me off.

He frowned at me. "You should have asked for help."

"I didn’t want to wake you."

His expression didn’t shift. "Next time, ask. Where is the supermarket? I need to get something to it."

"I could go with you-"

"I just need the directions, princess."

I rattled off the directions and told him how I got in. His frown deepened with each word and it was clear there was a lot he wanted to say but at the last minute, he thought better of it and walked off.

I watched him disappear, a part of me screaming to go with him. I didn’t want him away from me so soon after getting him back, but I also knew someone had to stay here with Dan and Jennifer wasn’t going to do it.

"He’ll come back," Dan assured me, his voice a little winded and dulled by pain. "It will take a lot to kill Caine. Besides, he won’t die without saying goodbye to you first."

"I don’t think that’s how it works."

"It is if that’s what Caine wants. He has sheer will."

"And you?"

He hesitated before speaking. "I never had it. I live this way out of necessity, it isn’t the life I want for myself. It isn’t a life I saw myself living for long. The only reason I became a guard was because it was the only option. It was either that or die. I didn’t want to die."

"Isn’t that sheer will? You wanted to live and so you did. Now choose to live."

He laughed softly. "I wish it were that easy, Nadine, but I’d only be prolonging the inevitable."

"It’s not fair."

"I know. But on the plus side, there’s one less person to cock block you and Caine," he wagged his brows. The way I see it, you should be thanking me."

I snorted, a small laugh escaping my lips.

I shouldn’t have found it amusing at all, but here I was laughing at a dying man’s jokes. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to soften the blow. He had no intentions of going with us.

"You’re going to end it today, aren’t you?"

He didn’t even bother denying it. "I want to die while I still remember who I am. I don’t want you all to see me as a monster."

"You’d never be a monster."

"You have such faith in me."

I wiped at a stray tear. I hadn’t known him long, but being out here, it formed bonds that were unspeakable. We survived together, that wasn’t something I could say I had done with just anyone.

"I want to be there when it happens."

"Nadine-"

"Please," I cut him off. "That’s my only request."

"Fine." He was quiet for a moment. "Thank you."

I reached out for his hand and squeezed softly. It was the only response I would allow myself give.