Maybe a Fake Gintama-Chapter 596: When Girls Gather Together at a Party, Men Feel Like They’re Being Teased!

"When did I ever say that?!" Hijikata yelled, veins popping in his forehead. "That's just what you're thinking in your head!"

"Calm down a bit!" Kawaki shouted seriously, "There are so many people here! And aren't you a subordinate of the Shogun?! Even if you can't stand that stench, can't you learn from everyone else? Everyone here is doing their best to endure it!"

"I'll kill you!" Hijikata gritted his teeth, ready to lunge at Kawaki, but before he could act, he noticed Shige Shige silently turning around and opening the door, covered in a mosaic.

"Hey! Wait! Shogun-sama!" Hijikata quickly raised his hand to stop him. "It was just a joke! No one actually said that! Maybe there's a tiny bit of smell, but it's not unbearable, right? Right, everyone?"

"You're the only one who can't stand it," Kawaki crossed his arms and frowned in response.

"You bastard...!!"

"Everyone, calm down," Sougo suddenly stepped in to mediate. "Shogun-sama, please stay calm too. After we're rescued, you can order Hijikata-san to commit seppuku. For now, let's focus on keeping warm."

"Are you trying to stir things up too?!"

"Anyway, staying like this, completely naked, is more than just about keeping warm." Sougo continued, "We should let him change into some other clothes."

"It might cover up some of the smell, aru," Kagura nodded.

Watching everyone start to change Shige Shige's clothes, Hijikata shouted again, "Hey! The Shogun has turned into a dress-up doll!"

Two minutes later, Sougo pointed at Shige Shige, now dressed in a gray turtleneck sweater, and asked Hijikata, "How about this look?"

"What exactly are you trying to cover?!" Hijikata pointed at the mosaic in Shige Shige's crotch, veins popping as he shouted, "Why is he wearing a turtleneck with nothing else?! The part that needs covering the most is still exposed! And why does he look like a plastic surgery ad?!"

"He's already wearing plenty down there," Sougo said with a severe expression, adding a slight smile at the end.

"Why are you trying to look cool?! It's not funny at all!"

"No choice, we adults have to handle this," Kondo, also dressed only in shorts, said seriously.

"Change of plan: we surround the Shogun, with the women and children on the outside," Katsura suggested, drawing a diagram in his mind showing the Shogun facing Hijikata. "If you map it out, it looks like this."

"Why is the mosaic facing me?!" Hijikata protested immediately.

"Someone has to make the sacrifice," Gintoki explained. "As the Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, you're best suited for the dirty jobs."

"That's way too dirty!"

"Enough talk! Go warm up the Shogun's, uh, Shogun!"

As soon as Gintoki finished speaking, he, Katsura, and Kondo all pushed Shige Shige towards Hijikata.

Hijikata, not wanting to back down, blocked Shige Shige and argued, "This is all your fault! You deal with it!"

With that, Hijikata spun Shige Shige around.

Seeing the Shogun's "Shogun" now directly facing him, Gintoki shouted in surprise and quickly spun him back around, "Katsura! This is a great chance to take down the Shogunate!"

"It's already fallen without my intervention!" Katsura retorted and spun the Shogun around to face Kondo. Shinsengumi, aren't you ashamed to expose your organization's core to the enemy?!"

Seeing the Shogun's "Shogun" suddenly in front of him, Kondo felt a wave of nausea and quickly turned him around to face another direction.

"Hijikata!!"

"Stupid curly-haired idiot!"

"Katsura!!"

"Shinsengumi!!"

...

Watching the four men getting carried away, Kawaki silently opened the door and called out to Tsukuyo and the others behind him, "Want to join? It's a hot spring inn."

Seeing the Hyakka members who had arrived at the doorway, everyone else, except for the four men still caught up in their antics, quietly headed towards the door.

...

Two minutes later, the Shinsengumi members outside saw Shige Shige spinning through the air, crashing through the roof, and flying into the sky.

Outside, an out-of-breath Hijikata watched the Shinsengumi members chasing after Shige Shige, who was still sliding across the snow after landing. He adjusted himself, smirked, and glanced back at Gintoki.

"We managed to keep him warm..."

Gintoki smiled a little but then suddenly realized something and looked back. "Wait... where is everyone?"

...

At the hot spring inn at the base of the snowy mountain, now exclusively reserved by the Hyakka, Kawaki, Sougo, and Shinpachi, were soaking comfortably in the men's bath.

On the other hand, the women's bath is a bit too risqué to describe in detail, so it will be skipped over.

Listening to the continuous chatter coming from the women's bath just across a wall, Sougo leaned back against the edge of the hot spring and said idly, "I wonder what they're talking about. Do girls really have that much to talk about when they gather?"

"They're probably just bad-mouthing Kawaki-san," Shinpachi said with a smile.

"You've got sharp ears..." Kawaki responded casually. "But I don't want to know, so don't tell me."

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Sougo said, tilting his head back. "You know how it is when girls gather..."

"Yeah, it feels like being teased," Kawaki replied nonchalantly.

In the women's bath, the Hyakka girls pressed their ears against the wall, holding their breath to listen in on the men's conversation, mainly focusing on Kawaki's voice.

"Hey, did you hear that? Kawaki-sama just said it feels like being teased!"

"I heard it too!"

"What should we do? Should we go over there?"

"Let's all go together!"

Just as the Hyakka members were about to climb over the wall, Tsukuyo spoke up calmly, "That's enough. Stop before it goes too far."

"Yes..." everyone responded dejectedly.

"Kawaki-san's popularity among the Hyakka is always high," Otae said with a smile.

"Honestly, aside from his looks, I don't see what's so great about Uncle, aru," Kagura said, floating in the hot spring, her legs swaying as she lay on the edge. "He's a NEET, he doesn't work… Why do people think he's so great, aru?"

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"Kagura-chan, as your possible future aunt, I must educate you on Kawaki-sama's hundred qualities! First, the first one is—"

Before the Hyakka member could finish, another interrupted.

"Shut up! If you've only identified a hundred qualities, you're not qualified to be Kawaki-sama's future wife! Only someone who can identify five hundred qualities is!"

"No! A mere five hundred? I've identified a thousand!"

"A thousand? You're satisfied with just a thousand? I've found two thousand!"

"Three thousand!"

"Five thousand!"

"Ten thousand!"

...

Watching the Hyakka members arguing, Kagura narrowed her eyes in disbelief, "Honestly, Uncle doesn't even have that many hairs on his head, aru..."

"But back to the point, Tsukuyo-san, is something bothering you?" Otae asked. "You've seemed a bit off today. What's wrong? Is something troubling you?"

"Yeah, if you need help, I'm here, aru!" Kagura turned around, fists clenched, nodding earnestly.

"Well... a little," Tsukuyo replied, frowning slightly and thinking it over. "Actually, it's..."

Three minutes later...

"Huh?!" Kagura exclaimed in surprise, then pressed her hand to Tsukuyo's forehead. "Are you okay, aru? Are you sick, aru? Did your brain get messed up in the blizzard today, aru? Or did Uncle's stupidity virus infect you?"

"Kagura-chan," Otae reminded her gently.

"Because... it's just so strange!" Kagura argued. "Why would you even think about arranging a comfort trip for Uncle?! What does he need comforting for, aru? All he does every day is play games; he's never even worked!"

"It wasn't just my decision!" Tsukuyo, her face slightly red, retorted, "It was Hinowa and all the Hyakka's decision. That, uh, um..."

"How sad, aru..." Kagura suddenly covered her eyes, crying. "Everyone's been infected by Uncle's stupidity virus... It's so sad, aru..."

"Kagura-chan..." Otae gently reminded again, then smiled at Tsukuyo. "So, what's bothering you?"

"Ah, well, a little," Tsukuyo nodded slightly. "Even though it's a comfort trip, because I… we don't have much experience with this kind of thing, we don't know how to arrange it to make that person… that idiot, um, enjoy it..."

"Huh?" Otae looked confused, then thoughtfully stared at Tsukuyo's chest. "When it comes to Kawaki-san's preferences... aren't those things in the way?"

"It's not about that!" Tsukuyo protested, grabbing a folded piece of paper from nearby. "Anyway, this is what we planned so far."

"Let me see!" Kagura grabbed the paper from Tsukuyo's hand and started reading it with Otae.

"First item, skiing, that's fine, I guess..." Otae read aloud, analyzing as she went. "Second item, hot spring inn, soaking in the hot springs, that's… also pretty good. Third item, pillow fight, fourth item, ghost stories... It's starting to feel more like a school trip than something a nearly thirty-year-old man would be interested in..."

"Huh?! Really?" Tsukuyo asked in surprise.

"Yeah, and the fifth item… Huh? Why is it crossed out? What was it originally?"

"It's… nothing."