Merchant Crab-Chapter 215: Barnacles

“And you sure have a lot of gall, showing up at my doorstep!” said the miffed crab.

Before Balthazar stood a middle-aged man in overalls, holding a peculiar tricorn hat against his chest, leaving his balding head exposed.

“Come now, Mr. Balthazar,” the peddler said meekly as he squeezed the brim of his hat in his hands. “I assure you this is nothing but a simple misunderstanding.”

Balthazar’s glare intensified. The man, Charles LaTan, whom the crab had met during his travels, had apparently caught wind of the crab’s return home and came seeking a shipment of bottles of pond water, acting as if they were good friends and business partners.

“Oh, I understand just fine,” said the eight-legged merchant. “I understand that you’ve been out there selling bottles of common water as if they were ‘Potions of Hydration’ made with water from my pond!”

The man’s eyes gazed around at the ceiling and then back down.

“Well, to be fair, you were the one who started it when you showed me how you so artfully sold one to that adventurer on the road.”

“That’s different!” exclaimed the crustacean. “This is my pond, I’m entitled to embellish the properties of its waters!”

LaTan’s eyes narrowed slightly. “That bottle you sold that day was not even filled with actual water from here.”

“Details! The point is, you can’t just go around claiming to be selling my trademarked stuff! It’s not even a genuine product!” Balthazar said, hitting the top of his counter with the tip of his pincer repeatedly.

“Your trade… what?” said the confused peddler.

“Trademarked. You know, I marked it as mine, for trading. Trademarked. It’s something I came up with. I'm still working on it. It will catch on one day, you’ll see.”

Charles LaTan threw his arms out into a half shrug.

“That’s part of the problem! Once people learned the water I was selling was not really from your pond, they stopped buying it! So I came here to make a proposition. You provide me with some units of water from your lovely pond, and I go out there, doing what I do best—”

“Making bad attempts at scamming people?” the crab quickly interjected.

“And I sell the bottles to other merchants across the continent,” the human finished, ignoring Balthazar’s comment.

“You must be out of your mind if you think I’d do business with you after you tried to appropriate my clever idea,” the disdainful crustacean said, crossing his arms.

“Your fame has really spread across the continent, you know?”

“Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Charles.”

“Merchants from all over want to do business with the famous merchant crab.”

“Yeah, sure, keep talking. I’m not falling for it.”

“I’ve encountered at least half a dozen willing to pay one hundred gold per crate of genuine Potions of Hydration.”

“No matter what you say, I’m not going to—” Balthazar’s eyestalks suddenly jolted and he uncrossed his arms. “What did you just say?!”

LaTan rotated his hat in his hands as he nodded. “Oh yes. Merchants from all the big towns are really thirsty for your products, Mr. Balthazar. And they are willing to pay big money to resell official merchant crab items to adventurers.”

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The crab stared emptily at the ceiling for a moment as he tapped his chin with the tip of his pincer.

His pride was strong, but his merchant instincts were even stronger—as was his love for coin.

Surely it couldn’t hurt to just sell LaTan a few bottles and have him go around spreading the fame of my products?

The merchant slowly started nodding to himself. The peddler was already going around selling fake Potions of Hydration, so it would be better to just have him sell the real thing and take a share of the profits.

After all, it’s not like I can go around the continent doing it myself at the moment. He pondered. Yes, that’s right. I should start delegating!

Balthazar broke away from his thoughts, giving the man in front of him a good look up and down.

I just wish it didn’t have to be this guy…

The crab uncrossed his arms and huffed.

“Well then, if they are thirsty, it wouldn’t be right to deny them some hydration.”

A hopeful grin spread across LaTan’s face.

“So you will give me the bottles of water from your pon—”

“Potions of Hydration,” Balthazar swiftly corrected, puffing himself up. “And no, of course I’m not going to just give them to you. I’m going to trade you for them, and then you can get going to those other towns and sell the real deal while spreading the word about my wares. You will be… an authorized reseller. That’s the deal.”

LaTan’s smile faded and he winced slightly.

“Ahh, you see… That is a slight issue for me right now. I find myself rather… lean on funds at the moment.”

Seeing Balthazar’s scowl, the peddler quickly stepped aside to present his hand-pulled cart that stood outside the bazaar’s door.

“But I have plenty of fantastic goods from all across the world, if you are willing to trade!”

The crab’s eyestalks eased up slightly and he nodded. “Trading is acceptable too, if you have something good enough to exchange for my precious, crystalline pond water. What you got for me there, LaTan?”

Moving swiftly to the cart, Charles began rummaging through its sacks, boxes, and disorganized assortments of goods.

Balthazar watched as the man tossed random items out in his search, from old books, to pieces of cutlery, at least three onions, and even a chicken with purple feathers came flying out of his cart and ran off to the road as he continued digging through his inventory.

“Aha!” the human exclaimed, pulling something out. “This will surely sell quite well to one of your adventurer clients.”

Frowning, the crab tried to understand what the strange object LaTan was holding and bringing closer to him was. It was as big as a melon, hideous, and produced a nasty sloshing sound as he moved it around.

“What in the world is…”

Balthazar’s words trailed off and his expression turned into a disgusted grimace as he realized the peddler was holding a full-head steel helmet completely covered in barnacles and strands of green algae.

“It’s the Barnacle Face Shield!” LaTan declared pompously.

Still short for words, Balthazar grabbed his monocle and peered at the grotesque piece of armor through it.

[Barnacle Face Shield]

[+100% blindness]

[+100% voice muffle]

[Smells terribly of rotten seaweed]

“Where the hell did you fish this and why would I ever want it?!” the befuddled crab asked.

“Oh, I assure you, Mr. Balthazar,” said LaTan, “this item will be of great value to one of your adventurers. There are rumors going around.”

The other merchant narrowed his eyes. “Rumors about what?”

The peddler leaned in closer and lowered his voice to a whisper.

“I do not mean to cause any undue panic, but… Some travelers have reported a horde of killer starfish has been attacking villages along the western shore for several weeks now.”

Balthazar pulled away and looked at the man with a cocked eyestalk. “Killer starfish?”

“Ah, yes, horrid creatures,” the human said, barnacle-covered helmet still sloshing around in his hand. “They latch on to your face and try to smother you, draining the life out of you until they can take control over your body. Terrible fate, to be trapped behind one of those things, unable to control your own self.” He raised his voice again and put on a wide grin while holding up the helmet. “But not with this! With it an adventurer will be fully protected from any killer starfish that tries to give them the suck!”

Balthazar scoffed and then laughed.

“Charles, you fool. I’ve encountered those starfish before. They exist on the beach where newbie adventurers arrive. They’re low-level fodder! There’s no way anyone would ever take killer starfish as a serious threat!”