My Fated Mate Can Have Her-Chapter 36: Composure

Violet

I stared into space for a few good minutes, stunned numb beyond measure.

What had I done?

I buried my face in my palms, hunched over and groaned. No words could describe just how mortified and embarrassed I was.

I wanted to feel disgust but only felt shame.

Why would I even...?

I was so angry with him, why would it even escalate to that?

"Stop. Stop. Stop," I whispered to the empty room, trying to forget everything.

I had just washed myself and came to bed as if nothing had happened. I did not remember how soon I had slept off.

I hated that.

I hated him for making me feel this way.

I hated myself even more for letting myself be affected by what happened.

He had brought me back to this prison when I desperately needed freedom.

"I am so stupid..."

I was furious with him and one kiss, I had come apart in his arms.

My disgust increased.

I forced myself out of the bed. I had washed and changed my clothes last night, but I needed to do it again. Anything to erase the evidence of last night’s terrifying loss of control. I could still feel his hands—

’Stop it!’

The water in the bath was cold, but I welcomed it. I scrubbed my skin like I could was away the shame along with the dried sweat. I then changed into a fresh pair of clothing. My hands trembled as I looked at the bedroom, a disturbing reminder of what had happened.

I couldn’t keep thinking about this. I couldn’t keep dwelling on how his hands had felt on my waist, how his tongue had tasted, how my insides had clamoured when he pressed me against that wall...

I gripped my hands, immediately looking away.

I wasn’t sure I could even stay in this room anymore.

Why would he do this?

And why was I so stupid to...

A bitter taste filled my mouth and I frowned. He didn’t actually care about me. Anyone could desire anyone without truly caring. Damon did before it turned into disgust as we grew older.

Kael only cared about what I represented. The mate bond. My bloodline. And likely the power he would gain from it.

I was nothing to him. Just a complication he was trying to manage.

I straightened. The kiss was just a moment of weakness. Just that.

Nothing else.

My throat tightened.

’I can’t stay in this room.’

I stepped out and paused, listening for any noise nearby. There were a lot less servants moving around, likely because Kael had returne, but some still lingered. I could sense a few servants on this floor.

I needed some fresh air. I could make my way to the courtyard and—

"What are you doing?"

I flinched and looked up, surprised as I saw Tow at the other end of a corridor which I had just turned towards.

How had I not sensed her? My syzygy might have fluctuated.

It still wasn’t stable when it came to my senses. The only thing I had clear improvement on was moving things.

"Please, don’t run again," she stated, her hands clasped at her stomach as she remained standing at the end of the passage, as if she was preparing to catch me once I started running.

"I just wanted fresh air," I murmured, also standing still.

There was something strange about the way Tow seemed now.

Her usual rigid posture seemed softer, somehow. Her expression wasn’t its usual controlled mask. Instead, she looked almost uncertain, wearing a faint forlorn expression. Her voice was lower than usual too.

She sighed with relief. "Follow me. Kael wants to see you. I’ll take you to his study."

My stomach dropped.

I knew I might have to face him again at some point, but why now?

"Why?" I asked her.

"He didn’t say. But it likely concerns your future here."

She turned and started walking, and I dragged my feet, following her.

"I owe you an apology."

I stumbled on my feet and grabbed hold of the wall to steady myself. I looked at Tow who had turned around to face me, shocked.

I blinked. "What?"

I had to be hearing things.

She took a breath, and when she spoke again, her voice was quieter than I’d ever heard it. "I said I owe you an apology. For how I have treated you." She paused and something that looked like shame crossed her eyes. "I thought back on my words and my behaviour towards you. I am sorry."

I just stared at her, unable to process what I was hearing.

Tow, the rigid, disapproving, hierarchy-obsessed higher beta, was apologizing to me?

My shock only grew when I realized she wasn’t done.

"I did some self-reflecting. It is wrong for..." She seemed to struggle with her words for a moment, as if she wasn’t sure what she would say. "Regardless, I do not want you to feel any more insignificant than I have made you."

I paused, still in disbelief. She might be saying all this to just placate me and prevent me from running away again, but I could not shake the certain sincerity in her tone and eyes.

She was serious.

"I... I honestly don’t know what to say," I whispered, dazed.

"You don’t have to say anything." Without another word, she turned and continued walking. I followed, my mind still reeling from her apology.

We passed a servant or two along the way, each one of them giving me sidelong glances which I ignored. And within seconds, my concern about Tow’s apology whittled away.

My composure cracked with each step when I sensed him close-by.

We had walked into an entirely different part of the building.

It felt like he was everywhere.

What was I supposed to say to him? How was I supposed to act after what had happened between us?

Without warning, Tow opened a set of double doors.

The study looked simple, less like a study and more like a lounge area where people could rest. And it was larger than I expected. Bookshelves lined the walls and a wide sofa, along with a single armchair decorated the nearly barren space. Light flooded in through tall windows and at the end of the room stood a wide desk, and behind it sat Kael.